I recorded this episode before November elections and had forgotten about it, but still thought it would benefit to share.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:42

What do you do when the answers just don’t come? I was having a conversation with my son the other day and well, my son, he’s in California. A little bit background on him he is married to a lovely woman and they live in California and he is currently finishing up his time in the police academy and also his time in the national guard. So I think he has two more years in the national guard and I think he has I. December is when, I think, he finishes the police academy and he starts his career as a police officer, and I’m very proud of him. Well, I am proud of him all. Well, I am proud of him All. Right, so I’m just going to get real here. I love you, garrett. I’m very proud of my son. I’m very proud that he wants to serve his country both in the military as well as a police officer. It’s just, I mean, I’m worried. I’m sure that’s true of every mother whose son you know serves. You know, daughter or son. It’s just, I mean, I’m worried. I’m sure that’s true of every mother whose son you know serves. You know, daughter or son. It’s very difficult and what makes it so much more difficult is the time we’re in, right, there’s not a whole lot of love, though, for the police, and you know the way I mean, how many wars are we in right now? And it it’s. Please don’t think that I don’t again support our military. I absolutely appreciate the sacrifice they make to serving us, to serving this country, to protecting us, because that’s what they’re doing. You know, they’re putting their lives on the line for us, so, absolutely, I hold them in the highest regard, and whether that is our military, our police, our firefighters, any of our first son and this is just not a good time I’m like Garrett baby at any other time I don’t. Of course, baby, I support you, and if this is what you’re being called to do, then you know I’m going to love you and support you, no matter what. I am on your side. And could you wait till after these four years are over? Could you try it under a different administration? Oh, because he joined in 2020, yeah, yeah.

Sharise Parviz: 3:16

So, yeah, there’s a yeah, there’s a lot of mixed emotions. I have a super, super, duper proud, and, of course, concern, which is normal. And then I got the whole concern on top of that concern, because, well, you know, the whole freaking world is going to pot right now. But, all that being said, I know God’s got him. So we’re good. We’re good.

Sharise Parviz: 3:38

You know, children got to do what they got to do. They got to walk their journey. All we can do is pray and when they seek it for guidance, we give it to them, not unsolicited, you know. They get to an age when you no longer can just tell them what you feel all the time. Sometimes you know you need to wait until they’re ready to ask. So this weekend my son asked.

Sharise Parviz: 4:07

So I was kind of just going over some things that were happening in our lives and I was talking to him about what I was hearing God tell me. And he’s like Mom, stop, what do you mean God’s? I think I told him that you know God was speaking to me. He’s what do you mean? God speaks to you? I mean I don’t get that. Explain that to me. I don’t understand. And I said Well, I said it’s different. It’s different for everyone. Yeah, I said for me.

Sharise Parviz: 4:36

It’s a feeling I think I shared before that, just starting this podcast, it felt like God was poking his finger into my shoulder, like just pestering me, and I call that the divine nag. That’s the divine nag. It’s the nagging that won’t give you any peace until you say all right, fine, let’s go, let’s do it. Fine, stop, stop nagging. Yeah, okay, that is the divine nag and that’s for me. I feel it in my body, it’s just. It’s just this nagging feeling in my body that I need to do something. I need to do this, I need to go talk to this person and I find out that they have cancer or or something else. And that’s happened quite a bit, not always cancer, but you know that someone needed someone to talk to and God had told me, you know, again, in this way, it’s in my body of feeling hey, you need to go talk to that person. It’s just a drawing to this person and like I gotta go talk to him and God’s going yeah, you need to go talk to that person. It’s just a drawing to this person and like I got to go talk to him and God’s going yeah, you need to go talk to him, okay. So then I go and I realize, oh, that’s why, anyway.

Sharise Parviz: 5:46

So I was explaining this to my son. I said now there have been times where I’ve literally heard his voice. Now people are going to argue, and that’s not really God and that’s fine, but to me it was because, honey, it saved my life. Okay so, and it was a voice I didn’t recognize, and it’s it’s only happened a couple of times in my life and it’s just one word. It’s either, yes, it was, it happened, just like. Maybe I can’t remember two or three times in my life that I heard a voice and it was yes, and it was run. And the time that it was run I was eight years old and I shared this story with my son is starting to let him also you know, he’s an adult now to get to learn about that his mom, you know, and you know his mom’s childhood and stuff.

Sharise Parviz: 6:37

So I was eight years old, we had just moved from Colorado and we lived in the suburbs of Colorado and we ended up moving into the inner city of Ohio and but we didn’t, we didn’t change our behavior at all, which we learned very quickly that we needed to. So I was walking to school, because I typically walked to school when I was in Colorado. So I walked to school in Ohio and there was some guy as I was walking to school and a man running behind me and I didn’t you know, I was a kid, I don’t know. I turned, started kept walking, kept walking, so and he finally caught up with me and he was behind me and I was starting to get scared. I remember being scared and he started touching me in places, um, and I started walking faster and and then, you know, he stopped me and I just froze and he said, hey, why don’t you come back with me to the uh? Just froze. And he said, hey, why don’t you come back with me to the uh, back here, you know? And I was just frozen and he came to grab me and I heard in my right ear, I heard the word run and man, I took off like a shot, man, I was gone, I was out of there and I ran all the way to school. Oh, I’m telling you you, you know, and then the office called the authorities and you know, anyway, yeah, so that was that time.

Sharise Parviz: 8:04

And so in those cases I’m, you know you may say it’s not God, maybe it wasn’t, I don’t know, maybe it was an angel, you know, god’s messenger, but it was a voice I did not recognize and saved my life. And the other couple of times, when I heard a strong yes, it was something that turned out really, really, really good. So, yeah, I’m going to say that was God, but most of the time I feel it in my body. So I was explaining this to my son. I said, but some people, you know, they hear it like an audible, a voice. Some people might see things, maybe it’s a word, they might see a word or they might, you know, have a vision. I mean, this may sound crazy to some people, but I don’t think it is. So.

Sharise Parviz: 8:52

There are different ways that we experience knowing, the higher wisdom, the higher knowing that I believe comes from God. And so I was explaining this to him and he said you know, well, I’ve been, I’ve been praying because he’s trying to get some answers to some things. And he says I just can’t seem to get an answer. And I’ve been, I’ve been praying for it. And I said, you know, I said, let me, let me, let me say this to you. I’m not saying I hear from God all the time. I don’t, and a lot of times I don’t hear from him on the things I really want to hear from him on. I’d like some answers here, god. And he’s like radio silence. It’s like, well, hello, hello, knock, knock, knock. You asked me to knock, I’m knocking, okay. But I told him.

Sharise Parviz: 9:41

I said, but maybe that’s where faith comes in. And so when I don’t hear from God and if there’s a decision I need to make or if there’s a path that I’m thinking about going down or whatever it is and I’m sorry, I’m driving today because I have an early morning class so I can’t walk. So you know you’re on the road with me today. So I said I pray, that I say Lord, I’m going to give it to you. I’m going to give it to you because I don’t know where you want me to do here. I’m not getting a yay or nay here, so I am going to give it to you that you are going to lead me and guide my steps, because that’s what you say you do and you will close any door. I am not supposed to walk into and open the doors to the ones that I do.

Sharise Parviz: 10:28

And I said, yeah, that’s where faith comes in, that’s where we just have to go, continue, go, step forward in faith and believe that God will direct you and an understanding that he may have. You take a step in a direction, right, that can then just takes you into another direction. It’s like you know, I got to go down this road for two blocks before I take a right to get on the street. I really want to be on, and so God will guide your steps, but you just have to just have faith. And and I told him. I said you know something else that really this is a, this is a lesson that I learned, and my son is a lot like me, so I talk about the lessons that I’ve learned because he and I are so much alike that I know he’ll get it. A lot of the lessons I’ve learned he’s now learning.

Sharise Parviz: 11:27

So I said, you know, gare, my whole life I always try to force things to happen, always, and part of it was probably that I had to always be in control. I’m sharing this with you now. I didn’t share this with my son, it wasn’t the right time, but I said, well, let me tell you first. So telling you my, my, my driving buddy right now. I’m telling you, you know, I had so many control issues because as a child I had no control.

Sharise Parviz: 11:55

Meaning I know children don’t have control anyway, but meaning I didn’t have any control over the abuse or I didn’t have any control over the neglect or these things that I just didn’t have control over or even whether there was food to eat or not. And so, as I, when I grew up, I became super controlling, right, and I had to control every aspect of my life, the food I ate, I mean, and that my refrigerator was full all the time, even if that meant food rotted in the refrigerator, man, we were not going to be without food, you know, because that’s what you know when you grew up, not having any food and you want that refrigerator stocked, so anyway. So, but control was a huge issue for me, and so what I’m going back to explaining to my son, I said, you know, but I controlled things almost to my grave Gare and I, you know, would just force it and force it. And I’m like, especially if it’s something I really, really wanted, like I could, it was like, oh my God, I got to have this, I got to have this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this, and I mean every part of my being felt like I wanted this thing Right, and so I would do everything I could to force it to happen.

Sharise Parviz: 13:20

And you know, I guess I got to a point where I was like I’m not doing that anymore. I’m just not going to do that Because I’m so busy, or was so busy, forcing something to happen it cost me my health or it cost me money. I mean, it cost me my time or it cost me my standards. You know, it never cost me my integrity, that I would, that I would never go that far, but I would. I mean the money I’ve lost and the time I’ve lost, and you know my standards, just lowering them or compromising my standards. For what? Because I had to have this thing and I was going to make it happen no matter what.

Sharise Parviz: 13:52

And and I thought, you know that that’s crazy, you know why would I want to do that? And a lot of the times, well, actually all the time that I had to force something, it never came out. Well, you know, there are just some dreams that I’m very, very happy never came true. I’m like Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you that that dream never came true. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you that that dream never came true. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Um, there are just some dreams. We have that man. We’re looking back, we’re like, oh, I am so thankful that one, uh, yeah, that one would have been a nightmare, so thank you that it didn’t come true.

Sharise Parviz: 14:32

But when I stopped forcing things to happen and so I had made the decision that you know, after all the craziness that happened, you know, four years ago, three, you know three, or four, four years ago, I guess at this point, yeah, 2020. I, like, I’m not, I’m not going to force things anymore. I will do the, the, the appropriate, the necessary steps that are appropriate to do for what I want, okay. But once it starts costing me too much time or too much money, or too much stress, or too much aggravation, or or I lower my standards and start compromising on what I want or what it is, when that starts to happen, then I go it’s time for me to back up, it’s time for me to step away from it. Because at that point I know, yeah, I’m forcing this thing and it’s not going to turn out well.

Sharise Parviz: 15:36

And I’m not saying you don’t work, we have to do the work, right. I mean, you know, I’m not saying that, I’m not saying you know, just throw your hands up in the air and sit on your butt, you go oh Lord’s got this, I’ll leave it all up to God. You do it, lord, no, no, no. God calls us to do our part. And at the same time, when we tune into ourselves, we know when it’s just gone too far, we know when we’re forcing it to happen. And when we get to that point that’s what I told my son back off of it, let it be, give it to God and that’s. I know that’s not easy because we’re like, but I really, really want this, you know, or I, okay, I get it, do what’s necessary and then give it to God.

Sharise Parviz: 16:20

Because when we force things and force things and force things, boy, I’ll tell you, not only does a lot of those quote unquote dreams that we fought for and I’m not saying we didn’t work for it, work for it, but if we got to fight for it, and and it and it destroys our health and it destroys our peace of mind and it destroys relationships. You know I said, ah, those are, that’s a nightmare. And not only are you potentially most likely I’m not going to say 100% guaranteed, but 99% guaranteed of creating for yourself a nightmare of what you thought was going to be a dream, but now I think God goes. This is what I think. I have no proof of this, but just my opinion when that happens, because I have the experience of it. So I’m just going to say from my experience and from experiences from people that I know, when we get to a point that we’re forcing so hard, I feel that God just kind of throws up his hands and says you know, you really want this, you think you really want this, okay, you can have it. Let’s see what you do with that, let’s see how good that goes right. And so I think he does that. I mean that’s a whole freedom of choice thing.

Sharise Parviz: 17:39

Because we’re so intent on doing it our way and making it happen intent on doing it our way and making it happen, so we aren’t only could be destroying ourselves in the process of, you know quote unquote chasing our dream. We’re also possibly chasing a nightmare in disguise, and what’s really awful, awfully sad. And is that not only are we? And is that not only are we? You know, getting a nightmare, what’s turning into a nightmare? What we’ve actually done is close the doors, those doors of opportunity to the real dream that’s waiting for us, because we filled our lives so much with so much forcing and making it happen. And I’m gonna do this by god.

Sharise Parviz: 18:31

And I’m not saying we don’t work for things, I’m not saying we don’t strive for things. I’m saying you know the difference between what’s appropriate and what is throwing you completely off track. When you learn how to listen to your inner wisdom, that inner knowing from that higher self, that higher place inside of us, when we know, tune into that, we know yeah, no, no, this isn’t right, yeah. And so at that point we go, okay, are we going to continue to force this or are we going to give it to God, like, let you know, okayah, sirah, whatever will be will be. And what I told my son is.

Sharise Parviz: 19:09

At that point I would say it’s time to let go and just believe that it, if it, if, if it is meant to be, it will be. And if it’s not, be glad you didn’t force it, because you could have created for yourself a complete nightmare. I mean, come on. I mean how many relationships are you glad didn’t work out Right? How many jobs and interviews are you glad you didn’t get?

Sharise Parviz: 19:40

I mean I look back on my life and all so many things I thought I wanted. You know relationships, jobs, careers, whatever you know things in my life and I go, oh yeah, that would not have been good. And I’m just like, wow, you know how thankful I am. Just, ooh, I cringe going. Oh God, I was so close to that. Oh no, you know, we can look back in our lives and see that. Okay, I won’t speak for myself. I can look back on my life and see it.

Sharise Parviz: 20:13

So I just said to my son look, when I decided to give up the control and again, being a control freak, that’s hard for me, I used to be, I’m better at it now. You know, all things take practice. But when I gave up control and I just focused on my faith that all will turn out exactly as it’s supposed to, and I trust, did I do the work that was necessary? Yes, I did. I do my little check mark. Okay, then I’ve paid those dues. Right now Let it go. And that’s untrust and that’s hard, I know. And I’ll tell you what having faith and believing that it’s going to work out the way it’s supposed to work out.

Sharise Parviz: 20:58

Well, not only has it that happened for us, for me and for my husband. We decided this on together. We had some decisions to make that we would have to be forced to really make some really, you know, compromises. I mean not personal compromises to our character, but really financial compromises. And we’re like, really, you know, and I, you know, forget it, we’re not, we’re not doing it. This, if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna work that hard for it, I’m not gonna sacrifice that much. And it worked out beautifully. And not only did we get what we wanted, we got it exactly what we wanted it for.

Sharise Parviz: 21:37

Financially, it’s like holy cow, how’d that happen happen? Well, because we let go and are we trusted and that it was going to happen or it wasn’t, and it did, and we were, we got it. But we would have been okay because we knew, hey, if this doesn’t work out, something better is down the road, that’s it. So I shared that with my son and he said, yeah, mom, I’ve been used to forcing things too. And I was thinking to myself, yeah, gare, I know. That’s why I shared that with you. I said, yeah, baby, I know.

Sharise Parviz: 22:16

I said, you know, try this, just, give it a go, experiment Just. And you know, if you have to take a step forward on the path, take it forward. But just pray to God. Hey, guide me, please, don’t let me take one step without you. Yeah, and that was our conversation about what do you do when the answers just won’t come. All right, I don’t know. It helped him, hopefully, maybe it. Maybe it helps you too, maybe. Anyway, if it did, let me know. Let me know, get on, I think we are on spotify now. We made it, we gotta, so feel free to contact me there or you can contact me at my website. I’m on all the social media, so feel free to just reach out. Love to hear from you. All right, talk to you soon. Bye-bye.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:42

Today we are in the car because I am traveling to go out of town. I wanted to chat today about a question that came in to me, and this is from a woman who is trying to make some lifestyle changes and is feeling completely overwhelmed, demotivated and frustrated with herself because she feels like she just can’t make these big of a changes so quickly and she doesn’t know what to do, and so I thought I would share that with you, because we might all feel that way from time to time I know I have, and you may have too and so I thought I would answer that question right here today’s podcast. So what do you do when you know you’re trying to change your life or shift your life, change your lifestyle, lose weight, eat right, work out, have better relationships, have better thinking, develop a deeper spiritual life, and on and on and on, and you’re going. I can’t do all of this. It’s too much. Yeah, it is too much if you’re trying to do it all at once. Yeah, it is too much if you’re trying to do it all at once.

Sharise Parviz: 1:46

So the idea I want to impress upon everyone who’s listening and to the lady who wrote me, is hey, hey, hey, slow down, chill out. It is about progression, not perfection. I’m going to repeat that again. It’s about progression, not perfection. I’m going to repeat that again. It’s about progression, not perfection. And I really do mean that, because if we try to slam everything in, we just burn ourselves out and we end up giving up. It’s too much and we end up going right back to where we were, where we’re going to make much better results, have much better results and make much better progress if we just give ourselves time to implement slowly. So progression, not perfection. So I thought I would illustrate how I do it, how I progress when I’m trying to build back a habit.

Sharise Parviz: 2:46

So I typically, you know, it’s taken me a long time in my life like 20 years to develop my lifestyle, and it doesn’t have to take you 20 years, it’s just. You know, for 20 years I have lived in this lifestyle, lifestyle, okay, of the way I want to eat and the way I want to treat myself physically, exercise, fitness, all of the habits that I have. The lifestyle I have, you know that has been a ongoing, you know, progression. I guess, like ongoing development. For you know, over 20 years, when I, after I, became very, very ill. Now there have been times in my life when I fell off the wagon, you know, and most recently, just before this at-home reset, I fell off the wagon and skinned my knee and bumped my head and had to stand up and shake myself off and go.

Sharise Parviz: 3:44

Where am I? Because all of everything I used to do, all of the things that I know to do, I just they were gone for like two, two and a half years. Why? Because life got in the way. I mean, if you’ve been following the podcast then you know. You know that all the things and stress that I was dealing with with my husband’s healing and all the crazies that were going on in my life and lost, you know, people that I love all just kind of happened and then that just went downhill dancing, stopped, exercising, started. You know wonky thinking going. You know thoughts that I never had before about aging and all this stuff. You can go back and listen to all those episodes previously.

Sharise Parviz: 4:35

But I knew this wasn’t where I wanted to be, so I knew I needed to go back and go back and change my lifestyle. Now, because I typically live in the lifestyle I want to live in, it’s pretty easy for me to get back into it. My body, my mind, my heart, all of me kind of recognizes yeah, you know, I know we’re not where we’re supposed to be. And when I start to get back on track, the body goes oh yeah, okay, we’re on track, track. Now we’re exactly where we know we’re supposed to be and it starts to fall in line pretty quickly. But I still take it slow. And when I have clients that come to me that have either like fallen off the wagon, like I did, for whatever reason, but our typical, you know, their typical lifestyle is one of that they’re very happy with. Or if I have a client that’s come in and it’s like this is completely new, they have never done anything like this, but they, they need to change their life. They are determined to to make a transformation and to shift their life for the better so they can live the life they really want to live and have the health they really want to have. And, you know, leave the legacy they really want to leave, right, and you know they’re coming in fresh. And I’d start them the same way. And that is again, progress, not perfection, right, we want to make progress, progression, not perfection. So let’s get to it.

Sharise Parviz: 6:05

When I work out. There are about four basic activities that I do during the week for my training, for my physical training, yoga. Now, all of these also have a lot of other benefits as well, but let’s just take it on the physical training level. Okay, my yoga is one, my cardiovascular is two, my strength training is three, and then my dancing is one. My cardiovascular is two, my strength training is three and then my dancing is four. Now, within those four modalities of fitness that I have, I do various activities right within those modalities, but those are the four basic pillars of my fitness, right? So I have my yoga, my strength training, my cardio training and my dancing. Okay, four things.

Sharise Parviz: 6:55

Well, I typically getting on back on track, or, if you’re somebody new, but let me just talk about me first so getting back on track, or if somebody who’s been on track, like me and just needs to get back on track, what I do is the first week I will commit to doing one of those activities, only just one, and I will determine how many days that week I will do that activity and just for that week, that is the only activity that I do. So, for instance, I usually start with yoga, because yoga is a really good transition to getting the body moving again, or getting the body moving at all if it hasn’t been moving. So I start with my yoga and I will do commit to my yoga that week. Now I may, you know, throw in other things because I just want to, but I don’t commit to anything else but the yoga that week. Okay, once I have completed that week and I feel I’m on target and for doing the number of days of yoga I want to do, then the second week I will move into, usually cardio. I’m usually ready for some cardio then and I determine how many days of cardio I’m going to do and I commit to doing that number of days. If I do more, great. That’s a cherry on top. If I do other things, that’s great too. But I’m only committed to doing the cardio Now, along with the cardio.

Sharise Parviz: 8:21

I’m still doing the yoga, right. So I’m doing the yoga the first week, continuing yoga the second week, and I add in the cardio. So the second week I’m doing the yoga and the cardio. Okay, week three same idea. I think you get the idea. I’m still doing the yoga. I now I’m doing also the cardio and now I add in the strength training Determine how many days I’m going to do the strength training for and then commit to doing that. So the week three yoga is going, cardio is going and strength training is going. Week four here we go. If all of those are on target, we’re doing good. Then I, week four, bring in my dance. Again, same idea how many days am I going to commit to Great? And then now at that, by week four, I’ve got my. Yoga is now like pretty much all a habit now. Cardio is going, strong Strength training is going good, and now I add in my dance Okay, and that’s how I do it. So by month two, all right. Week five or month two, whatever, I’m pretty much got my my routine down. So that’s how I do it.

Sharise Parviz: 9:30

Now, if you’re just starting new to physical fitness, you might go a lot slower than that, and that’s okay. For instance, you may start with yoga the first week, just doing it once a week, and then just sticking with yoga for like the first month. The second week, maybe you add a second day, the third week, the third day. For everyone it’s a little different. It just depends on your schedule, your interest, your conditioning level. You determine that how you’re going to work your schedule based on those factors right. So it looks different for everyone, but that’s just an example of how you make slow progression and though you may think it’s slow, that’s okay. It is slow. That’s okay, though, because you’re still progressing, you’re still moving forward, and whether you’re just increasing the number of days you know for each week of every month and then once you’ve got that settled in as a habit, then maybe it takes you two months to build that habit in. You know, to get to where you feel. Ah, now I feel like I’m doing enough of the activity each week to feel good about it and I’m like, right where I want to be, and that’s individual for everyone. So maybe that takes you a couple of months before you bring in something else. That’s okay. You know everyone again has to work on what works for them.

Sharise Parviz: 10:45

You know this goes back to my podcast about you determine what healthy is for you based on your lifestyle and your desires, not on some experts outside opinion. Same thing with your life changes. So you start slow and you build up. Now the same idea of taking one thing, making that a habit, then adding in something new is the same thing you do with everything else, and that’s whether it’s your diet, whether it’s adding in some type of supplements If you’re doing I do very little supplements but I do do some and at some point I’ll talk about it but it’s adding in some type of supplements. I do very little supplements, but I do do some and at some point I’ll talk about it but it’s all food-based, like cod liver oil, fish oil. I do iodine right. There are certain things that I do take that are food-based, but I don’t do them all at once. I start with one, I build that habit into my life, then I bring the next one in and I build that habit into my life, and so on and so forth, and you can take that same schedule of progression for anything in your life.

Sharise Parviz: 11:49

Meditation, you might start. If you’re new to meditation, you might start with two minutes a week. You know that might be all you do. Could be two minutes a day, that’s great. Find a week you know that might be all you do. Could be two minutes a day, that’s great. Find a time, find how many days you want to commit to it. I always say start on the low end of anything If you’re new to something and you don’t really know how you’re going to respond to it. Always start low and slow. Okay, low and slow, but get on the go, meaning do it. Find something as minimal, the easiest step forward you can do. That’s low and slow, but get on the go, get going with it, okay.

Sharise Parviz: 12:31

So if you’re new to meditation, right, and you’re not quite sure if you can even do it, and you certainly can’t sit there for 30 minutes, that’s okay. What about one minute? What about one minute every morning or night? Whatever works for you? You pick out the time, it’s your schedule, it’s your life. So you pick out the time that you want to do it and do it for one minute and just focus on your breath for one minute, that’s it. Do a breath focus exercise or a mantra exercise, take a verse from the Bible and just meditate on that for one minute, whatever works for you. And maybe you do that once a week, maybe. If you feel like you can commit to once a day, great, but again low and slow, then you may do the next week, increase your time or frequency, and then the next week, increase your time or frequency, on and on and on, and you just keep increasing your time or your frequency or both, whatever feels right to you, until you build a habit that feels good for your lifestyle.

Sharise Parviz: 13:36

You know, I think the most difficult thing about changing our lives when I think about my clients. They come to me and they want they may start coming to me and they may start with I want you to give me exactly what to do and I go. I could do that. It’ll last for, like I don’t know, a week maybe, because the truth is is we very rarely want to do what we’re told to do. We very rarely will do it.

Sharise Parviz: 14:04

Okay, if if we were going to do what people told us to do, we wouldn’t need as many diet books as we have out there. If we were going to do what people told us to do, we just wouldn’t because we’d have the result. You know there are how many diets out there to lose weight. Let’s just talk about losing weight. I’m not talking about health, because honestly I think GAPS diet is the diet for building health in in your life, but and I mean for any condition. But let’s just talk about diet books for a second. How many diets to lose weight do we need? And the problem is is that there’s not? That there’s? They don’t work is that we don’t stick with them because our own, because we like being independent, we like being able to decide what’s right for us. That’s the truth.

Sharise Parviz: 14:51

We’re rebels, you know, and, and so we’ll like, yes, tell me what to do and we’ll do it. And we’ll do it for a little while, and then, until you know I don’t know, that chocolate cake looks really good. I don’t need to do this diet. I don’t need to do what you tell me. You’re not my mom. I don’t need to do what you tell me. And then we dump it, then we go looking, and then that diet, and then we’d look for the next thing. And we’re constantly looking for the next thing and wasting a whole lot of time looking for the next thing, instead of just sticking with the one thing that could have gotten us there faster than looking for the next thing over and over and over again. The reason why is because we really don’t want to be told what to do. That’s the truth. It sounds good, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it, but it doesn’t last.

Sharise Parviz: 15:40

The real challenge in changing your life is not doing the, making the changes. It’s taking the responsibility on yourself to decide what those changes are and how to make them. So when I work with a client, I don’t tell them okay, you’re going to do this and this and this and this and this, that’s what you’re going to do. I don’t do that Because I know immediately they’re not going to do that or that or that or that or that. Or if they do, they’ll do it last minute because, well, we’ll do it before we have our next session together. No, no, no. I want you to get results, not do what I say. What I will do is I’ll say look, what is it you want to do this week and I’ll throw out some options and what sounds good to you. So start wherever you want to start.

Sharise Parviz: 16:30

If you want to change your life, don’t do it all at once. Where do you want to start? What seems the easiest, simplest step to start with? Is it Adding fitness back into your life? Okay, what fitness would you like to add in? Choose one area Cardio flexibility, stretching or yoga, strength training, or is there something else? Right? Choose one thing and add it for the week. Determine how many days Do it.

Sharise Parviz: 17:01

Second week either add in frequency or add in time, or add in something else. Do the same thing. Focus on one area of your life, your mental life. You want to work on, again, meditation, two minutes once a week. Or if you can do every day, great once a day, once a week. Or if you can do every day, great once a day. After that you’re able to do that. Add in time or frequency and find that and do that in each area of your life right. But keep it small, keep it doable, keep it no pressure and journal it. Journal it, write it down so that you see your progression each week and that you know what you want to do.

Sharise Parviz: 17:48

You pre-plan for the following week, because that’s really important too is planning for what you want to do. It doesn’t have to be this big, you know elaborate planning it. Just, you know, at 7.30, I’m going to, you know, go for a 30-minute walk or whatever. Again, it doesn’t have to be 7.30. It doesn’t have to be a 30-minute walk, you decide, you choose what it is that you want to start with. Start with one thing Change in diet.

Sharise Parviz: 18:17

You might start with just eliminating processed foods. That might be a great start. You might just start with increasing your water intake. That would be a great start. Start with one thing. Once that one thing becomes a habit and you feel comfortable with it, add in something new, that’s it.

Sharise Parviz: 18:37

It’s progression, not perfection. That’s the only way we really are going to move forward, and always remembering it’s a journey until the day we die. We will never get there completely, and that’s the exciting part too, because there’s adventure. When we know that the adventure is ongoing, we’ll never get bored. There’s always something more to learn, something more to experience, something more to challenge in a fun way. Again, it doesn’t have to be a difficult challenge, it can be a fun challenge. Perception, remember. Perception is everything. So, again, progression, not perfection.

Sharise Parviz: 19:17

One small, small, simple step. That’s all you need to do. What small step can you take today? What small step can you take this week? That’s it. That’s all you need to do. What small step can you take today? What small step can you take this week? That’s it. That’s all you have to do. That’s all you have to think about. You don’t have to think about a lifetime of change that has to be made instantaneously. And you’re failing if you don’t do it all. No, you fail if you don’t do anything, if you give up. That’s the only failure. There’s no failure. In falling there’s no failure and even falling off the wagon, only failure is if you don’t get up and you don’t start so low and slow, but get on the go, start it off, all right. Hopefully that gives you some, uh, some rest and peace about making some of these big life changes. Small, small, small steps, baby, small steps. Baby, all right, Remember to burn the boats. Baby Right, take the island and just commit to the path ahead, and one small step at a time. Talk soon.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:59

first I wanna give you a update on what’s been happening with me at my at-home retreat. Come on, Today little one’s walking with me. There’s deer all around us right now and she’s a little spooked, and so she’s kind of looking around. It’s okay, come on, we’re going, let’s go. All right, she’ll follow, anyway. So what’s happening today?

Sharise Parviz: 1:23

Okay, so I’ve got my right splits. I do so. I had lost all my splits right, left and middle splits and so I have my right splits, my left split not quite there yet, I still have to keep my hands on my blocks, my yoga blocks, but that’s all right, it’s coming. And then I’m also working my middle splits, which I haven’t quite, which I lost as well, and that’s okay. You know, the body remembers what it does and it goes. Oh yeah, I remember this and you gently just remind it. You know, daily, every other day, gently remind that, hey, this is where we’re going. Again, follow along, let’s go, and it will obey your family or your family. Your body is there to serve you, so do it. Yep, I guess your body is your family, isn’t it Right? Part of your internal family, part of you, so part of the part of you that supports you. Okay, anyway, let’s move on. So, anyway, so, um, and then what I am going to be doing is I’m going to be actually um once I have my own splits done.

Sharise Parviz: 2:34

The next project I’m going to be working on is my split program. So my split program. We start with learning open hip splits and open hip splits and we, of course, everybody at their own level. But open hip splits is where the back hip is open and it’s a little more. It’s a little easier to begin with, it’s an easier split. So we start with open hip splits, working towards those. Once those are achieved or, at the same time, once we’re making some progression with that, then we do closed hip splits, and that’s where both hips are facing forward in your split position a little more difficult, and then we work on middle splits. So this is my split program that I have taken my dancers through and my yoga students through the split program right, working on the splits and actually after I get off of my at-home retreat, it is the next program that I am actually going to be shooting to go online for my virtual leading lady experience.

Sharise Parviz: 3:34

Yes, I am, and prior to that I’m going to do a free, complimentary six-week very intro beginning build slowly six-week yoga class to get started. Build slowly six week yoga class to get started, just to get the basics under folks feet who may be new to yoga or who may be coming back to it, you know, or just coming back to just to moving their body altogether. So there we go. I will let you know when that happens and when I do yoga I love well, I love lots of things, but I will bring in, obviously, you know, meditation, self-directed meditation. I usually work in themes, so it’ll be a Bible verse or a Bible passage and then, working with that theme, I will sometimes pull in sound healing, would pull in sound healing, humming or toning as a class oh gosh, you know music, tuning forks. So there’s a lot of different things I like bringing into my yoga class than just making it. You know, just about stretching, okay, and my yoga classes are a little different. You know they’re. They are yoga, but I also implement Pilates and dance stretching as well as athletic stretching in my classes. Again, this is what I took my dancers through and now take my yoga students through in person that I’m going to bring to you online live. So I got to get my splits first. After I get my splits and I’ll teach them to you Anyway, so that’s where we are, so, all right.

Sharise Parviz: 5:12

So on to what I was inspired to talk to you today about. I wanted to talk to you about so many things today. I had a very inspirational talk this weekend and I thought, oh, I’ll share that. And then I thought, oh, you know, I want to share about my detox baths, so all these things. But then, when I was actually doing my yoga meditation in the morning because that’s what I do first thing in the morning and I do it with my Bible devotions, so is my yoga, and so but what really came to my mind is about grace and compassion and mercy and love, and how we can bring more of those things into our lives I mean into our lives without anybody else how we can bring them into our lives. So I thought I’d talk to you about that today, all right.

Sharise Parviz: 6:09

So how do we do that? You know, so much of our time is spent on trying. Oh, you know, this may not be right for you, so, as I say, try it on. If it doesn’t fit, put it back on the rack where it came from. But much of our lives are spent and can be spent, I’ll say, in trying to gain approval, gain love, gain acceptance, and whether that’s from our families or from our peers, or from our friends or peers growing up, or friends or spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever, or friends or spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever. And we don’t realize that there is plenty of love inside us. And while we can’t change people because we can’t right, we are really only in power over our actions, over our feelings, over our responses. We can’t change others, we can pray for them. You know, and as I was talking to a woman this weekend that I was at an event, for I was talking to a woman and she was struggling, and I’ll share that story another day but you know, and I was just reminding her that the only thing we have power over is ourselves. We have power. How we wake up in the morning. We have the power to decide what we’re going to feel.

Sharise Parviz: 7:37

The truth is is that emotions are not something that happen to us. They’re something we do. That’s the truth. We think they happen to us. I feel angry, I’m angry, I’m this, I’m that, I’m that. Well, you may feel that way, but you’re choosing to as well, and that goes back to our perception. Whatever we perceive, or whatever meaning we give to an experience, will determine how we feel about it. So, as I mentioned before, sometimes when I’m judgmental or critical, I’ve learned to turn the channel, and it actually can’t be just that easy. Turn the channel.

Sharise Parviz: 8:17

Now, that doesn’t mean we avoid our feelings. Our feelings are, I told you before, you know. Our feelings you know, if you remember, are our friends and they’re messengers, and there’s nothing wrong with any feeling. They’re there to tell you something right. At the same time, if we know that we’re stuck in an unhealthy loop of an emotion, we can turn the channel. If we know it’s something that we don’t want to experience and we don’t need to experience, it’s maybe just become a habit we turn the channel.

Sharise Parviz: 8:44

So our emotions are really what we allow to happen to us. We allow these emotions right, and we can turn them off or turn them on. We can indulge in them and sit in them for hours and hours, or we can feel them, express them, appreciate them and then give them what they need to heal and move forward. Right, so our emotions are ours to control, but other people’s emotions are not ours to control. So what do we do? So when we want to feel love and we don’t let’s say we have a parent or, you know, an adult child, or maybe your spouse, you know, of course we can always communicate with them and that’s, you know, another topic. But what I really want you to understand today, I really want to share with you today, is that, regardless of what anybody expresses to you, you can always feel love, feel compassion, feel merciful, feel grace, Because if you express those things, those feelings fill your heart. So come on love. The only love that we are ever guaranteed in this life is love we put out, because if we can control what emotions we bring in, we can control what emotions we put out. And as we put forward our, our emotions, we feel those emotions.

Sharise Parviz: 10:22

You know, as an actor, there’s a couple of different ways that actors can work, and one of them is called outside in, acting, and the other one is called inside out. Now there’s other terms for them, like method acting and so forth and so forth, and that’s like inside out. So what do I mean by that? Outside in means so my character at this moment is supposed to be angry, right, and so I don’t really feel anger right now. Right, I just had a blast. We just told a funny joke backstage.

Sharise Parviz: 10:52

I don’t feel anger, okay, but when I pound my hand on the, my fist on the table, my body remembers that movement and your body will respond by feeling angry, right. So our physically, that’s called outside in. We’re doing something outside of ourselves, outside of our emotions. We’re pounding on the table, we’re grimacing in our face, where we’re doing something physical, okay, bringing some type of stimulus, external stimulus, and that starts the internal emotion. Right, it begins to the feeling. So we pound our fist on the table and we maybe we growl or we do something or we screw up our face and some angry whatever, and then angry, you know facial expression, and then our body kind of goes oh yeah, I know what this feeling is. This is being really PO’d right now, and then you start to feel it, those feelings start to come out.

Sharise Parviz: 11:54

So that’s outside in, okay, and inside out is also called method acting. And one way of being inside out is you recall certain memories in your own life that you know pretty much, can, uh, are similar to what the character is feeling loss of a loved one or whatever it is. But whatever your character is supposed to be feeling in this moment, you conjure up your own memory of a time when you felt that way, right, or a time when you could, you know, or if you’ve never really felt that way, you know, can you imagine feeling that way? And through that imagining we bring up something on the inside of us, right? And so when we do that, we either bring up a memory or internal imagining of it, and then that feeling stirs up. Right, that’s coming inside out, the feeling is coming from the inside, and then we’re expressing it on the outside. Versus outside in is we’re expressing it on the outside, which makes the feeling come up on the inside, okay. So, again, our emotions are completely able to be manipulated all the time, right?

Sharise Parviz: 13:08

Just the music you hear in movies or in TV shows or commercials. If you watch the spooky movie. I used to give this assignment to my acting students. If you watch the spooky movies and I brought this into my clients too, because they’re trying to understand that we really are in control of our emotions right, so watch a spooky movie, but turn down the sound. Watch a sad. You know one of those like, okay, why do you cry at AT&T commercials? Maybe you don’t, but I have right, right, okay, you know, obviously it’s visually, you know, the daughter dancing with the father at the wedding or whatever it is, or the son calling up his mother or whatever, right. And so these are obviously the visuals are stimulating that emotion.

Sharise Parviz: 13:53

But the other thing is the music. I mean, if you like music, you listen to music, you know. Music, you know, brings up all these different emotions. You listen to some power rock. I mean, I’m talking about real rock and roll from the 70s and the 80s. Power like metal or hard rock or classic rock, and you’re like rawr and you’re headbanging in the car and you just feel ferocious, right Versus a sentimental love song, right, and your feelings, if you listen. Well, for me I could be in the car and I could be listening to one song and I’m just bawling, I’m just crying, and my kids are looking at me like mom and I’m just crying, I’m crying, and then they’ll put on something else. I’m listening, then I’m laughing or I’m, you know, headbanging or pounding my fist, like within an instant. I mean, that is how well for me, that’s how music has always moved me very much. But that’s the whole point of music, right? It’s to make you feel something. That’s the whole point of art, really. You know, help you think or feel something.

Sharise Parviz: 14:52

Okay, so, anyway, we’re manipulated all the time, either by external influences or through ourselves. We manipulate ourselves all the time, all right, all that being said, so where was I going with all of this? Okay, so love. So, while we can’t change others, we can’t make anybody love us, we can’t make anybody appreciate us, we, we can’t make anyone accept us. But what we can is we can do those things for ourselves and for others. And what I really want to point out here is what we can do for others and how that fills our own bucket.

Sharise Parviz: 15:44

So, if I can’t get some force someone to love me, right, which we can’t but every time that I express that love, every time I put love out away from me and put it forward. I feel that love inside my heart, out away from me, and put it forward. I feel that love inside my heart that fills my own bucket, that fills my own heart. So I can feel love anytime when I put it out there. So if I’m feeling unloved, I will go and love. I will go and do the opposite of what I’m feeling. I feel unloved, I’m going to go share some love with someone, and maybe that’s through a smile or maybe that’s through a showing gratitude towards someone, maybe that’s through a hug. I will share my love to someone else and guess what that does? That fills me up with love. If I share my compassion for someone else, that fills myself up with compassion. Mercy for someone else fills me up with mercy.

Sharise Parviz: 16:48

So I can have all these beautiful feelings anytime I want, not by from somebody else, not by getting it from somebody else or trying to demand it from somebody else, which doesn’t work. You can’t do it. People are their own. You know they’re their own people. They’re their own selves. They have to decide if they want to give that to you. You can’t demand it, but you can give it, and when you give it, you receive it, and so that’s available to you all the time. Now we know that God loves us all the time as well.

Sharise Parviz: 17:22

We don’t always feel that, though. Right, I mean we don’t. Let’s be honest. The one thing I am is honest. I am not going to BS anybody anytime, sometimes a little too honest. That’s why I’m not in the political world, and my husband is, because he’s much more diplomatic about things like that, or I’m just like no, this is the way it is and this all needs to change, like now. Okay, so I don’t step into that arena anymore, because it doesn’t put me in a. It puts me in a place that I am not where I want to be in.

Sharise Parviz: 17:55

Right, that’s another way we can control our emotions. If we know that a certain situation puts us in an emotional frame that we really just don’t wanna be in, maybe we need to remove ourselves from the situation. If we can’t, sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we have to change our perception. It’s not important for me enough to change my perception to get involved in politics. My husband’s doing that. Let him do it. I’ll share my struggles or worries with him and say, hey, this is what I’m concerned about. Please bring this up in the next meeting or whatever, and he will. He’ll you know, when it’s appropriate timing, he will bring that up and that’s it. So we work together on that, right? So? So that’s one other way I control my emotions is by saying you know, this situation isn’t a place where I feel my best, where I feel I can be my higher self, my best self, and so I think I’m just going to remove myself from this situation. Okay, and again it’s. I don’t have to be there, right, that’s my husband. Now, if it’s my family, or so, well, we’ll talk about it another time. How do we handle our emotions around our family? But again, this is one way I’m saying you know, my dad, let’s go back to my dad.

Sharise Parviz: 19:07

I’ve been talking a lot about my dad. I actually do have other people in my family, but for some reason my dad keeps coming up. I think it’s because he’s he’s on my mind a lot right now, because he’s older and he’s starting to lose his memory. And you know, I’ve been reaching out and I’m concerned. So he, you know, he doesn’t connect with me and I don’t. I don’t hold any grudge against him, but he doesn’t connect with me. So I’m not receiving, even though I would love it. I would love for him to tell me he loves me and you know all these things, and have a wonderful relationship with him. But that’s just not the way it is. So for a while I just didn’t connect with him and because I felt, well, this is just what he wants, so, okay, I’ll give him what he wants.

Sharise Parviz: 19:52

And then, the more and more I thought about you know, he’s closer and closer, you know getting older. And then, you know, after my mom passing you know I told you that was a big wake up call for me on a lot of different ways. I thought, you know, this is silly. I’m going to reach out to my dad and he can take it. However he takes it, it doesn’t make any difference, because somebody is going to think what they’re going to think about you, no matter what you do.

Sharise Parviz: 20:18

Really, if they’re determined to think ill of you, they will think ill of you, no matter what. There are some people, no matter how hard you try, you will never get their approval and that’s why it’s important to not try. We can’t be seeking other people’s approval and think that’s going to fulfill us, because then if they take that approval away for some reason, then what we’re lost, we’re empty. That’s why we have to give it to ourselves and remember that God has already given it to us. I mean, we have the source that already has given us all the love, all the compassion, all the mercy, all the grace that we could ever need. So if someone pulls away, we’re not lost, because our source, our rock, our foundation, is not in that other person, it’s in God, and it’s how we determine how we feel in ourselves, what we choose.

Sharise Parviz: 21:17

So, even though my dad didn’t show any interest in reaching out to me I thought this is silly my heart, I’m going to reach out to him. I don’t want anything back from him. He doesn’t have to connect with me back, but I am going to share my love to him because that’s what was in my heart. And so and he didn’t have to respond, he didn’t and he didn’t, but I just emailed him. And I just emailed him and I just said, just reminded I mean not reminded him, but I shared with him some of the memories that I had when I was a little girl, that were very joyful, the joyful time in our relationship, and I just that was very short, and I just said I love you, dad and that was it. And you know, I don’t even know if he read it. Well, I do know now that he read it, but at the time I’m like he may if he read it. Well, I do know now that he read it, but at the time I’m like he may not even read it.

Sharise Parviz: 22:11

But my spirit is calling out to share my love with my dad, regardless of if he receives it or not. Okay and um, I didn’t hear back and first off, it was okay if I didn’t hear back, because I felt like, hey, I did the right thing. I felt I did the right thing. I felt I did what God was calling me to do and I felt so much love inside me and I felt so much forgiveness and so much compassion for him, for me, for my childhood, for my childhood Not just a victim, but compassion for everyone that was involved in those times. I felt compassion for all of it. So, by me sharing my love, I received it back and that is all in my control. I’m the one responsible. So how do you bring more love into your life, along with more compassion, more grace and mercy and all the beautiful things, more peace, more joy? I’m looking around and I’m just how do you do it? You do it by giving it away. How do you do it? You do it by giving it away. That’s how you do it.

Sharise Parviz: 23:44

So every day I wake up and I say, lord, make me useful today, every moment, whether I’m working with a client, whether it’s with my family, whether I’m working with a client, whether it’s with my family, whether it’s with my just strangers on the street, or wherever I go today, whatever place that I connect with people today, let me be an image of you. Let me be an image of love, of acceptance. Let me look them in the eye and let them see, let them see me, see them. So when I go to that coffee shop and I get my coffee and, yeah, I haven’t since on my retreat, but I have gotten tea though but when I go in, let me really see them and let them see me acknowledge them, because, you know, sometimes servers really feel underappreciated sometimes, you know. And so every day I wake up asking for the Lord to let me make the best impact I can when I go out into the world and in my life today, and let me appreciate others around me, and with that I appreciate myself. All that appreciation is inside of me, too, that I can now give me.

Sharise Parviz: 25:02

So you can’t force anyone to love you. You can’t make somebody make you feel good. That’s all in our power. That’s all in our control. God has given us that power. So you want to feel more of it? Then share more of it. You want more of those beautiful feelings in your life? Then give those feelings away.

Sharise Parviz: 25:25

So that is what I wanted to share with you today, and I hope that you will take today and just maybe say the same thing, have the same intention. Let me be, let me share everything that I want to feel. Let me give that away. Let me give it away. Let me be exactly what I want. Let me give the gift that I want to receive. All right, that is it. Oh, have a beautiful day. It’s beautiful, it’s cool right now, with just a little brisk of fall air and the leaves are turning, and right now the sun is shining and I can’t decide if she’s coming or going. So I am going to get out of here. All right. Have a beautiful day, take care. Bye-bye.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:01

Today I am wanting to chat with you about recognizing or appreciating who you are today. Who you are today, and are you seeing who you really are today or are you still seeing you through the glasses of who you were? So this morning I was meditating and this came to my mind and I was thinking about all the different ways that I’ve changed. Okay, I lied, I’m not, I wasn’t really meditating, I was in the bathroom, but that’s a form of meditation too. So there you go. It can be. Depends on how mindful you are about, about your business. Okay, but anyway, regardless, you know the funniest things happen in the, you know the most mundane places, like taking a shower or going to the bathroom or doing the dishes. Doing the dishes can be one of the most. I mean by hand, like taking a shower or going to the bathroom or doing the dishes. Doing the dishes can be one of the most. I mean by hand, like doing the dishes by hand, like washing. First of all, oh my God, here I am going off topic already, but first of all, it’s very soothing when putting your hands in water and it’s very grounding. And also just the chore of doing dishes is very grounding, but also nobody ever. Just the chore of doing dishes is very grounding, but also nobody ever wants to bother you when you’re in the kitchen doing dishes. So when you do the dishes, you have all the time in the world to think and to contemplate life and the world and and uh, and just you know, just be alone. So sometimes, doing the dishes, so many different ideas can come up. So you have a shower doing the dishes, so many different ideas can come up. So you know the shower doing the dishes, going to the bathroom, all great ways, all great times. For the most, you know interesting things to consider in your life, right, anyway? Or about life.

Sharise Parviz: 1:57

So anyway, as I was in my bathroom meditations, this thought came to mind is about change and recognizing that we are different today than who we were in the past. Now, I know, it’s true, there are a lot of people that don’t change. I mean, I meet people a lot. Actually, even in my own family I had an older brother who had severe depression and I’m you know, again, I’m not a big diagnosis person, but for the ease and simplicity of conversation using a quote unquote diagnosis like depression or this or that or the other. As far as a medical term okay, of depression, I don’t, like, I don’t. I use those terms as just a means of communicating the thought and the idea, because that way we all have common language, right.

Sharise Parviz: 2:52

So not necessarily that I necessarily believe that there is a, you know, chemical disorder that causes depression, but that’s for another day. So if you hear me say, oh, it’s the flu or it’s a cold, it’s not necessarily that I really believe that it’s a quote unquote flu or cold, because I don’t necessarily even believe those things exist. Or that. The diagnosis of schizophrenia or bipolar, all these things that really, to me, those are diagnoses that really are about I think I’ve said this before it’s a way of the medical establishment to put people in a box to medicate them and so and I’ve seen such miraculous quote unquote miraculous healings, but really recoverings from just proper food, proper eating and working through trauma. Now that may sound trite, especially if you’re someone who deals with depression or anxiety or things like that, and I get it because I think if you’ve listened to my story, I had a severe case of OCD and depression and anxiety. So you know you couldn’t tell me that what I wasn’t feeling wasn’t real. And I’m not saying it wasn’t real and I’m not saying, if you’re having those issues, that it’s not real for you, of course it is. I’m just saying it’s not necessarily what we think it is, it’s not necessarily what we’ve been told that it is from the medical establishment.

Sharise Parviz: 4:11

Okay, so, going back to my brother, so he was depressed for most of his life for various reasons that I can look back on, and became an alcoholic and actually died of alcohol poisoning and became an alcoholic and actually died of alcohol poisoning. And I remember when he died that you know, I was sorrowful, you know, and I was more sorrowful of the life that he had never lived, because he never really had a chance to live it and I don’t think he realized that he could have changed it if he could, if he did, and this was many, many, many years ago when he passed. But looking back at it now, I just think that there was really no chance for him or choice for him at that time, you know. And I have another brother who is an alcoholic now, and so my point in bringing that up is that you know I, no matter how much you me, anyone that sees someone that’s hurting and you want to see them change, we can’t do anything about it. You know, people change when they’re ready to change and people change if they want to change. And it’s true, there are some people that either don’t want to change, they don’t see how they can change, they’ve lost hope, and there’s not a lot you can do, because I I tried with people who don’t really, who aren’t ready to change, or who don’t want to, and it doesn’t have to be anything even as as extreme as being dying of alcohol, poisoning or or being an alcoholic. It could be just a change in their thinking about, about themselves. You know, and and and following into patterns and habits, and and you see it. You can see it because you’re standing on the outside and you’re sitting like, oh, why can’t you just change this? You know I can help you, but you can’t Not until and unless they’re ready. However, I do believe that there are many people and I see them in my practice all the time who do want to change, who do see that they don’t want to live the kind of life they’ve lived, or do see that they don’t want to have the same regrets in the future that they have from the past by making the same kind of decisions. Right, people want to change and people can change and people have. So that’s where all this was coming to my mind and I was thinking but do we even recognize and appreciate the changes that we make? And I was thinking about my own life and the different changes that I have made. So I’ll give you some examples.

Sharise Parviz: 6:59

So when we were considering moving, my husband brought up Florida and Florida during you know the, you know the pandemic. I don’t know what the. You know what the emasculating word we need to use anymore is, but whatever was sounded like a great idea. Florida, yeah, hello. The freest state of the free states, yeah, except no, absolutely not.

Sharise Parviz: 7:22

My dad had lived in Florida for a few years with work and I would visit him in the summers and I just remember Florida. Not only is it hot and humid and too sticky for me, but what really I didn’t like is like the lizards, like they get into your house, and the frogs, I don’t know, it just seemed like at dusk. This is how I remember it. Maybe I’m wrong. If you’re from Florida, let me know. And we lived, we were near Orlando, florida. I just remember that at dusk time frogs would just come out of nowhere and this was like in the suburbs of Orlando, and you could walk and you like had to dodge stepping on a frog. It was just nasty, it was just gross. So I told my husband absolutely not, florida is not. I would love it for all the other reasons that we would love Florida for and that people love Florida for.

Sharise Parviz: 8:11

I moved to Florida for, but I cannot handle bugs and the humidity and I can’t handle the lizards and I can’t handle the frogs. So no, so we go to Arkansas, because Arkansas is not Florida. So we go to Arkansas, right, because Arkansas is not Florida, right, it’s not a South, right? Anyway, first month we’re in Arkansas and we’re in the apartment, there’s a frog in front of my door. I freak out oh my God, get the frog away, get the frog away. And my son and his wife were visiting. He had just finished his bootcamp and they came down to visit because the boot camp was up in Missouri and you know, mom, they’ll eat the bugs. I don’t care, I don’t want a frog in my house. Kind of shooed the frog away, right, OK, now we’re on our property, right, and there was a frog.

Sharise Parviz: 9:04

Our first year or here we’ve been here a little over two years, you know there was like a little frog hanging out on our screen door, near our screen door, and I was like, oh no. And you know, michael says he’s not going to bother you, he’s going to, you know, eat the bugs. And you know nothing, nothing’s going to happen. I’m like okay, so I’d kind of sneak out the screen door and walk around it and all that. Eventually this little froggy, would you know, kind of I don’t know, warmed up my heart. It was kind of cute. And the more I looked at him I thought, yeah, actually kind of cute.

Sharise Parviz: 9:36

And then we, since then, have gotten frogs in our garage. They would come and sit in the puddle, like you know, when you have your car and the air conditioning runs, and after you park it, then water drips on the ground and they’d come and sit in the pond. There’s like three of them, little frogs, little tiny little things. Okay, so now I look at the frogs and go aren’t you cute? You’re just a little jumper, aren’t you? And now I’m like making friends with the frogs. I knew that I would make friends with frogs, right, okay, but I did. Now I like the frogs and I love hearing them and I see them and they jump. I don’t know they haven’t jumped on me and I’m not sure how I feel about that, but they jump near me and I’m good with it, I’m good. So that was one huge change for me.

Sharise Parviz: 10:21

You know, another change was cooking. For me, you know another change was cooking. So, even though I have always done like the organic foods ever since you know my own illness 20 plus years ago, and you know, always did organics, um, and spent the money to do so, I didn’t cook. I didn’t cook. You know I I tried to eat things that didn’t need cooking, need preparation, and then the kids, I gave them a lot of. I did. I feel I said it here now, but you do what you do Cause that’s all you know. Um, you know packaged foods and so like, but you know organic packaged foods, right, which we better now, but you know this is 20 plus years ago, right.

Sharise Parviz: 11:01

So it was like Amy’s beef and macaroni and beef with the kids loved, or Amy’s ravioli, or you know, a lot of times it would be fruit and meat, like organic lunch meat, or or cheese or cheese sticks, organic cheese sticks and an apple Right, it was a big thing. Cheese stick and an apple, eat organic cheese sticks and an apple. Right, that was a big thing. Cheese stick and an apple, eat your cheese stick and an apple, but anyway so. But I didn’t cook.

Sharise Parviz: 11:26

And I look back on it and you know I always say, oh, I don’t cook, I don’t like to cook. That was always my excuse. But really the truth is I was afraid of cooking. I was afraid of failing at cooking. That’s the truth. I was afraid that I I’d whip up a big meal and it would taste like crap and then we’d have to throw it away. And then not only did I ruin a good meal, now we’ve wasted all this money on the food. So it was really a feeling of failure, you know, and not wanting to fail, than it really was that I didn’t like cooking.

Sharise Parviz: 11:52

But when my husband got sick and I took over his healing, I didn’t have a choice and we moved into the GAPS diet, which is all cooking. I mean, you just, there’s no processed food, there’s no, there’s nothing. You got to cook I, I did it, I just had to do it. There was no, there was no option. And, and now that was at 53. I was 53 when that happened, and now I love cooking. And not only do I love it, right, I mean I really love it, I enjoy it. It’s actually become a hobby of mine. I now teach it. How crazy is that? I actually teach Now, I’m not a great chef there’s plenty of people who are better at cooking than I am but I can teach the basics, of course, of the GAPS diet, the GAPS protocol, et cetera, et cetera.

Sharise Parviz: 12:37

And you know fermented dairy and meat stocks and you know making your fermented dairy like your own yogurt, your own cultured cream, your own kefir all of these things kefir, kefir, it’s however you want to pronounce it. All of these things. I now teach others how to make, who you know, clients that come to me and start the program and I will do a cooking class for them, so they know how to make all these foods. Because, just as it was as scary for me, most of my clients have never really cooked either. So I totally get being freaked out about cooking, right? So my class cook with confidence is just a basic cooking class on how to eat these traditional foods.

Sharise Parviz: 13:21

So there was another change for me, right, it was a huge change, you know, I mean, at 53, learning to cook that’s crazy, right, after always denying my cooking, you know. And then even circumstances that change, you know. Another thing that came to mind is, you know, when you, I grew up in the hood, right so there weren’t any butterflies where I grew up in, in the hood, right so there weren’t any butterflies where I grew up. This is a story about butterflies anyway, but you know, then when I married my husband, we lived in Silicon Valley, california, and a really very well-to-do suburb, and of course, my husband planted a beautiful little garden and we would get butterflies that come to the garden and hummingbirds, and it was like, oh, look, there’s a butterfly and look, a hummingbird, oh my gosh. And you know, and it was just the most miraculous thing, like parting of the Red Sea, we’re seeing these butterflies and you know, something that we’ve never seen before. I mean, that’s what it feels like when you see one, and they are beautiful, don’t get me wrong. But, and they are beautiful, Don’t get me wrong.

Sharise Parviz: 14:22

But my point is now, you know, I have names for all my butterflies that are on my property, right, the hummingbirds we have. We have three and I have names. There’s Oliver, nick and Judy. And Oliver is the bully who wants to keep all of the flowers to himself and will chase anything else out of the way. He chases all the other hummingbirds away. He chases the butterflies away. He’s a big bully and he won’t share. And then Nick and Judy try to get there in the early morning before he gets there, to try to get what they can get the nectar that they can get from the flowers, before he comes and chases them away.

Sharise Parviz: 14:51

So now you know, it’s like we have all of the butterflies and the hummingbirds and all these things here. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not belittling seeing them in the city or seeing them on a suburb, because no matter where you see them, they are miraculous creatures. Right, you know the hummingbird and you. I mean then, when you these hummingbirds, what’s crazy about them is they get to know you and we read that they actually can recognize faces. I don’t know if that’s true, maybe it is, but it’s something that my husband looked at and told me about, and but they will come up, especially Oliver. Like I said, he’s a little bully, he’s a little aggressive and not hurt us. He won’t, they won’t try to pick us right, but he will come up and kind of flutter right in front of our faces Like whoa, and like he’s saying hello. It’s like, well, okay, good morning Oliver. I mean it’s, it’s crazy.

Sharise Parviz: 15:39

You know, I never thought I wrote a little article when we moved here from from the hood to a homestead, because I never pictured myself, ever pictured myself living on 22 acres. It’s just not me. I didn’t ever thought I would ever leave a city. You know, I mean never, I mean I always. I mean I thought if I had been single with no kids, I would have moved, I would have lived in New York. I mean you wouldn’t catch me in New York now, but you know, I did live in New York for a time and performed in New York. I loved it, um, but yeah, I never thought that this would happen.

Sharise Parviz: 16:16

So my point is all the different ways that we change, all the different ways that our lives change, circumstances change, and for the good, right, I mean you know there are not so good changes too, but I’m just talking about just the good changes and the changes that we make within ourselves. You know who we’ve become, you know when we are the kind of people that say, yeah, I can’t live this way anymore, my relationship, I’ve hurt my relationships, I’ve hurt myself and I don’t want to live another day living like I did. I don’t want to live another day in regret. And so we make these changes and we don’t recognize them A lot of times. We just don’t recognize them, you know. So I thought about that and I got out of the bathroom in my meditative state and I took out a piece of paper and I started listing all the different ways that I’ve changed, you know, and some of those ways are what I just shared and other ways is that, you know, even though I think I’ve told you I’ve, I jumped to judgment pretty quickly and I can have a critical nature.

Sharise Parviz: 17:30

I have learned to to twist that off, to turn that off, and immediately it still shows up. But I can immediately turn that channel and turn that criticism off, either for myself or for others. I don’t stay angry. I mean, I was born to fight. I feel like and I have been a fighter my whole life and very angry, and not that there’s anything wrong with anger if used appropriately, but I would use anger as an energy source for any time in my life I needed an energy source and would start fights, like with my husband. Yeah, I don’t do that anymore, you know, and there are a lot of just personality changes that I’ve made and heartfelt changes that I’ve made and deep spiritual changes that I’ve made and heartfelt changes that I’ve made and deep spiritual changes that I’ve made. My relationship with God is on a completely different level because when I’ve been a Christian and I’m quoting that, putting it in quotes I would say I’ve been an intellectual, yes and no.

Sharise Parviz: 18:37

When I was a child I knew God existed before. I knew God existed right, my family wasn’t overly religious in one way or another when I was young and my dad is agnostic, and then my mom, who was practicing Judaism at the time, now, later on in life, converted to Christianity, but it wasn’t really a lot of religious talk or God talk in our house, but yet I knew something was there. I just knew. It was just something in me that just knew that God existed, even though I didn’t have a name for it necessarily. Later I became a Christian, but I still didn’t really accept that Christ died for me. I still didn’t accept that God was really for me.

Sharise Parviz: 19:27

You know, I saw God, which is very typical, the Heavenly Father and I saw my Heavenly Father being no different than my dad. You know, my Heavenly Father, he’s just, he’s going to judge me, he’s going to criticize me. I’m not good enough, I’m just something to laugh about and laugh at. And these are all the thoughts that I believed that, you know, he really is no different than my earthly father, you know. And so, while I loved God, I didn’t believe that God really loved me. Loved God, I didn’t believe that God really loved me, although in my life I know, you know, it’s all these, all these dichotomies in my life I knew that he was protecting me, you know, I knew. And then I would say well, god, why? Because am I just here for your amusement, right? So all these feelings.

Sharise Parviz: 20:14

And then there was a moment in my life where I was struggling with a lot of pain, emotional pain, relationship pain, and with my father specifically, and I felt God speak to me. It wasn’t an audible voice, but I felt it and he said I was there holding your hand all the times that your dad rejected you. I was there. I’m holding your hand now to get you through this, and it was just another situation that I was going through. Yeah, and from that moment on I felt and saw and imagined and visualized God holding my hand and that was the moment that I knew God was not my dad. God loved me and God was there for me. All the times that I was rejected he was there. So all of these moments in my life, all these moments, these revelations that brought around change in my life and that created an impetus for me to make the changes I needed to make to repair relationships, to improve my life and my heart and my health and my spirit, you know these are all moments that I wanted to recognize and remember, right, and so I wrote them all down. And you know, again, it’s hard. Sometimes we don’t recognize when we make our own changes or when others make a change.

Sharise Parviz: 21:51

And like personality tests you know a personality test, like you know, the Enneagram or the DICS or there’s a few others. They’re fun and I have a few that I have my clients take and I look at them. I do not. I look at them as being a very broad, broad, broad, broad, broad representation of what someone is like. I mean super broad and I’ll tell you why, because I’ve taken personality tests and I’ll ask a question. I go well, I don’t know how I’d respond to that answer. It depends on the day, it depends on my mood. I might respond this way, I might respond that way. It just depends on what I’m feeling the day, it depends on my mood. I might respond this way, I might respond that way. It just depends on what I’m feeling that day. So, you know, I don’t think it’s a really great accurate.

Sharise Parviz: 22:35

Some people are really like this is who I am, I don’t know, maybe, maybe, maybe not. And then sometimes we could also taint it because we might want to be a specific, you know personality type. We might want to be a specific, you know personality type. So we may not consciously but subconsciously, answer in a way that we think we want to be seen as versus how we really feel Okay. So again, I don’t necessarily trust personality tests, like a lot of people do, as being like this is who I am Right. Okay, it’s a tool, it’s a very broad brushed tool, but that’s all it is, is a tool.

Sharise Parviz: 23:13

And another way that personality tests can fail and I can tell you this from my own experience is I will take a personality test and again, I do it because they’re fun to do. Come on, they are. But I will do it and I will answer from the point of view of who I was, not who I am now. And I remember recognizing that I’m like I’m answering this not the way I would do it now, but how I’ve done it for so long in my life. Huh, wow, you know, and I was seeing all the because I’ve, you know, taken personality tests in the past and then taking them now, and I was just used to kind of answering them in the same personality type.

Sharise Parviz: 23:58

But the truth is that’s not who I am anymore, you know, I mean, there are some things in me that I’m, I mean I’m always going to be a fighter. I really believe that. And I’m okay with that now, because God had spoken to me and said hey, your anger is not bad and your fight is not bad, it’s just misplaced, you’re just focusing it in the wrong place. Okay, okay, because I would say God, stop. I don’t know why I’m such an angry person. I don’t know why I’m such an angry person. I stop. I don’t know why I’m such an angry person. I don’t know why I’m such an angry person. I do hash it out with God.

Sharise Parviz: 24:29

Let me tell you and I just remember feeling, hearing, saying however, however, I hurt him, your anger is not the problem, it’s where you’re placing your anger. That’s the problem. Where you’re placing it isn’t who deserves it and it’s or where I need you to put it to make a change. And I, whether it was my husband or whatever, and I was up with the anger itself, it’s not a problem. And and my fight, my fighting spirit, is not a problem. But choose who and what it is that you’re fighting and don’t fight your friends. Right, be a fighter, but just be careful who you who you are fighting, because you could be fighting someone who’s not the enemy or something that’s not the enemy, okay, so anyway.

Sharise Parviz: 25:25

So I sat down and I made a list and I started to think about all the different ways that I have changed and I started to celebrate Wow, my gosh, and even in my 50s, how I’ve changed. You know, and every day is a day of growth and a day of learning, if you, you know, let it be. And the reason why it’s really important to recognize our changes is when we celebrate how we’ve been, we’ve changed. We recognize it and we like, celebrate that and give thanks for that, then we are more open to recognizing how somebody else has changed. Because if we are still looking at others in the same way we saw them in the past, but they’re not that way, we’re really impeding the opportunity for healing and reconciliation. And you know personally I’ve seen that in my own family, you know, and where you’re still whether it’s a parent or it’s a child, an adult child where you’re still seeing someone as who they were and not really looking at them with fresh eyes as who they are. And so then, when we keep looking back at who they were, we keep bringing up the old stuff and we never allow it to just heal and then be buried, right, heal and then just be put away. Let it be healed and be given to God to do what he wishes with it. Let it go. We are not able to do that because we’re still seeing from who we were or who they were, from who we were or who they were, and we can’t allow then for the beauty of this new person, whether it’s us or them, to come into our lives and for a mature relationship with ourselves or others to emerge and we just stay stuck.

Sharise Parviz: 27:26

So you may want to try this yourself. Actually, I’m going to put two parts to this because I think I’m going to go back and do this as a second part. Make a list of all the ways that you’ve grown, you’ve changed for the better. You know new circumstances, you’ve explored new experiences. That may be like I would never have done that before, and look what I’m doing how you’ve broadened your horiz doing how you’ve broadened your horizons, how you’ve broadened your viewpoint, how you’ve deepened your relationships, how you deepened your spiritual walk all anyway, any different way, right.

Sharise Parviz: 27:59

Or just how you decided to add more variety in your life in some way, you know, or started a new project or something or a new hobby, but whatever it is, make a list of all the different ways that you have changed and then celebrate that. One of the ways you can celebrate is super simple. You don’t have to go out and buy something. I mean you can if you want. But one of the great ways to celebrate yourself is with a funky move like give yourself like a yes and punch the air or be silly with it. You know. Or jump up and down, or imagine you know, experience yourself, imagine doing cartwheels in your head Right and bring that as a, as a symbol, a metaphor of your celebration, of your change.

Sharise Parviz: 28:44

Change. After you’ve made that list, you can do what I’m going to do when I go back into the house and that is make a list of people that you’ve had difficulties with in the past, people that you’ve had difficulties with in the past and still want to have relationship with Okay, and really still want to develop. You want to change, maybe, the way you see them because you want to have a better relationship. Now, I’m not going to get into, I’m not talking about an abusive relationship and that kind of thing like that. That that’s another topic. But I’m just talking about disagreements or the way you view life or the way you know things or or whatever however they may be, have been in a way that hurt you. Again, I’m not talking about physical abuse here or verbal abuse. Let’s keep it simple. Let’s just talk about things that you didn’t see eye to eye or they just had a peculiar personality that just kind of irked you.

Sharise Parviz: 29:48

But maybe that person has changed, maybe they’ve grown, maybe they’ve matured, and try to see that person with new eyes, as a new human being, as a new person, new creation, and see if that won’t help, and see if that won’t help your desire or your feelings of just wanting to connect and be with this person and I’m not saying lie. If they haven’t changed, well then they haven’t changed. Can you love them still, or is it something you need to keep distance with? But that’s something you have to decide. But if it’s someone that you just have refused, really come on. You know you’ll know it. You really refuse to look at them in a different way, even though and maybe even feel a little guilty about it.

Sharise Parviz: 30:38

Who knows? But at least maybe there’s a part of you that goes, yeah, but I still want to be angry, right? Okay, so you know that could be that, right, you want to hold on being right. I’ve been there. I’m not saying this to you, I’m just throwing this out here. Use it or don’t, however you want, right. I always say you know, try it on, see if it fits, if it doesn’t, hang it back up on the rack, just. But if there’s something that maybe you haven’t been fair in with someone else, and seeing how they’ve changed, maybe make a list and see how they have and see if that doesn’t really just change the way you see them and the way you will communicate with them in the future. I don’t know. Just something to think about. Anyway, it’s time for me to go. Have a beautiful day today, and I will catch you in a couple of days and let you know how things are moving. All right, have a great day. Bye-bye.

What if running for local office could reignite your faith in politics? Join us as we recount the journey of my husband, Michael, who transformed his political frustration into action by running for local office in Arkansas. Despite being new to the area and challenging a seasoned incumbent, Michael’s commitment to the community led him to knock on a thousand doors, bridging the gap between constituents and their representatives. 

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:00

Welcome to Burn the Boats baby. This is Sharise Parviz, holistic Health Specialist, life Energy Healing and Relationship Coach, and today we are going to ask the question to plan or not to plan? That is the question. Alright, but first just a quick little update. I think I mentioned that we went to a dinner where the governor was going to be and speaking. This is election time, as you all know, I think you all know, so of course everybody is getting out there and doing their canvassing and Michael, my husband, is actually helping a lot of folks with their campaign. Just a quick background.

Sharise Parviz: 0:46

So when we came out here to Arkansas I think I mentioned my husband I dropped the politics because I just was kind of getting into a dark place. And my husband kind of picked it up and ran with it and he decided he was really not happy with our local representation out here because he would email and he would, you know, call or whatever, and they would not. He would not pick up the local representation that he’s talking, where I’m talking about I’m not going to give names or anything like that but wouldn’t pick up, and so he got really frustrated. My husband did, and so my husband said well, you know what. I’m just going to run against him in the primary. So nobody knew. You know, we’ve only been out here three years and we’ve only really been involved. Oh, my husband, when I say we really he has only really been involved in politics, well, I’m behind him and kind of supporting him. So it is a we Okay, we have only really been involved in the politics. Maybe you know the past year. So we don’t really, you know, but certainly not, as you know, running in any as a candidate or running for any political office. But my husband was just so infuriated with our representation for not returning phone calls and he was actually going to the meetings and he was raising concerns about things that were happening and he just wasn’t being heard and he was just getting more and more pissed, quite honestly. And I don’t blame him right Because, as I said, when we came out to Arkansas, the last thing we wanted Arkansas to see Arkansas become is little California and they were trying to do a whole lot of overreaching, let’s just say, with permitting and all this crazy stuff. So my husband got ticked off Hold on a second About ready to drop my phone anyway. So he decided to run now and nobody knew him Right, and he’s running against the, the incumbent, who’s? I think I can’t remember how many terms, I don’t remember what the term limits are on this position, but I think it’s. He’s been in there for at least two terms, okay, and now is unopposed, and now is going for his third. So they knew him.

Sharise Parviz: 2:50

Well, my husband kicked butt, let me tell you as a no name, he kicked butt and he did so because he went out to talk to the people, and that’s what’s really important to him. He said you know, if I’m going to do this right, it’s obviously not for the money, because there’s no money in it. Well, you’re just not supposed to be money in politics. But I don’t know if you can tell those people in Washington about that, but supposedly you’re not right. Make your money outside of politics and then serve the people. But, yeah, well, you know that’s not how it really happens, but in local politics there’s absolutely no money. So you know, and that’s okay, we knew that. So, and that’s not why we did it Right. So it was for the people. And you know, we’re very, very passionate about making sure we protect Arkansas and do our part in doing that. So he went out.Sharise Parviz: 3:35

Now remember, if you’ve been following me, my husband when he was at his sickest, lowest point two years ago well, that’s not his lowest point, but out of it before I took over his healing, he couldn’t walk, he was back to almost not being able to walk at all. We went to go see a movie and he could barely walk from the parking lot into the movie theater and we were parked pretty like much closest like the closest parking spot, into the sidewalk to get into the movie theater. He could barely walk it. And so, um, and then his liver was, he was having liver issues and he was starting to get jaundiced and he was starting to get sick. And that’s when I knew I took it over. So just just a little recap on that. Um, so that was two years ago, right? Yes, so he started canvassing last I’m trying to get all the dates right I don’t remember Six months ago, whatever it was for the primaries.

Sharise Parviz: 4:31

So he literally walked maybe a thousand houses and then he had some excuse me, some folks from the local committee to help him and you know, to pass out his, you know his literature and knock on doors. But he himself walked a thousand houses and some of these places were like rural area, right? I told my husband. I said you need to get a big old button that says who you are from a distance, because people out in the country they come out here because they don’t want people on their property, they want to be left alone, and you know so when you wear a big old button so they can see you coming, you know and, and so there’s no problems, right? Anyway, nothing but great people. In fact, we met so many wonderful people. He met wonderful people. Then I got to meet through him.

Sharise Parviz: 5:20

Ok, anyway, he did great. He talked to all of you know, like I said, he walked himself a thousand houses and again, this is just for local. So, and then he had, you know, others who helped him out, but everyone he talked to, almost all of them didn’t know I mean, maybe about a handful did who the local politician that my husband was running against, who he even was, the local politician that my husband was running against, who he even was. So, anyway, michael was really able to make an impact in the community by doing that and really being hands-on and meeting people face-to-face. And you wouldn’t imagine well, you could imagine, but you wouldn’t believe that how appreciative they were that someone actually cared about how they felt, right and taking their concerns seriously, because it’s our concerns too, we live. They felt right and taking their concerns seriously because it’s our concerns too, we live here too, right.

Sharise Parviz: 6:10

So, anyway, so he did lose, but he only lost by 77 votes, and that’s huge. And people were, you know, he did lose. Well, yeah, he lost, but 77 votes as a no-name compared to an incumbent who, I think, I think it’s been two terms that he ran, that’s crazy good. So, you know, and here’s the thing, what’s interesting is, you know, my husband then, of course, congratulated, called the his opponent, you know who won and congratulated him, you know, and and he said, well, he said, you know, oh, I think it’s right. He called him and he said oh, hey, it’s great that you answered your phone Right, because of course, he wasn’t answering his phone previously. And and the, the winner, right, he said, oh, I’m going to answer the phone anytime you call Michael. Well, I hope you answer the phone anytime anybody calls you, right, but anyway. So, hopefully, what Michael said is hopefully, I kind of, you know, got him on his toes Right, so he’s back into actually taking care of the people and feeling a little bit more threatened and less comfortable. So he actually gets back on his job and that’s the important part. But anyway, because he had such a great success again yeah, he lost, but by so few votes, and it’s because he has such great success Other folks are looking to him local politics, local politicians to help him, help them campaign and get some ideas and so forth and because Michael did the analysis and realized what his mistake was, went yeah, I, yeah.

Sharise Parviz: 7:48

So he said you know next time, we, you know. He figured out what he needed to do differently next time, which, of course, is always the case we want to do. You know, when something doesn’t work out our way, we look at it, we analyze it and figure out what we can do next time. But so, knowing that you know, if he does decide to run again and quite honestly I think he will not, be not necessarily for that position before another position, but he just doesn’t know what God is calling him to do yet but anyway, so he figured it out and next time he runs he will have more experience under his belt. But still, 77 votes, that’s pretty killer. So he made such an impact that other people are asking how did you do it?

Sharise Parviz: 8:26

You know well, people want to hear from you. Here’s the deal politicians, people want to hear from you and they want to hear from you directly, you know. And whether that’s a town hall meeting, I mean, but a tight one, not like you know you’re going up there and presenting but where you can actually stand and meet the people, talk with the people and hear their concerns. You know, I mean, our politicians have gotten so far removed from the people that they’re no longer listening to them. I don’t care whether you’re on the right or the left, it’s just, it’s the same. And we need to get back to knowing hello, the politician serves us, not we them. Right, they’re not celebrities there are, they work for us, right. So, but we treat them like celebrities. If you’re in Washington, you certainly get paid like a celebrity, and you know it’s no. No, they forget their place and their places to serve the people. And when they stop doing that, that’s when we need to do a little bit of pushback and that’s when we need to get involved, and that’s what my husband did, anyway.

Sharise Parviz: 9:33

So what we did, I’m going now moving that story along, and let’s go right where we were. We went to a dinner for a politician I think it was state politics, I’m not going to name names again or whatever and, of course, our wonderful governor was there and I’ve been really happy with her. This is, you know, governor Sanders, right, and I’ve really been happy with her, and so I was able to meet with her and talk with her and I mean she came in and she came in and did some great changes, you know, a lot of great conservative changes, which is what we came to Arkansas for. Right, if we wanted liberal changes, we go to California. We didn’t want that, so we came to Arkansas. So we’re very happy that, why we came is what we got. Uh, time, they did a beautiful setup and she was there to show her support for the um, the candidate that is running for his position in state. And, uh, you know, it was just a wonderful, it was nice. You know, it was just really casual. Well, yeah, kind of casual, you know, not quite cocktail, but not quite business casual a little in between. And, uh, you know, hors d’oeuvres and, um, yeah, just really nice.

Sharise Parviz: 10:49

Now, how did I? I did plan for these hors d’oeuvres, talking about planning, which I wanted to do today. So how did I plan? I knew that there would be stuff to eat and I knew there was probably gonna be stuff that I didn’t want to eat and stuff that really wouldn’t be on my plan. I’m on stage two gaps, which you know is allows other things, but certainly nothing that was on that table.

Sharise Parviz: 11:08

So what did I do? Well, I’ll tell you what I did. I wore an outfit that had a tighter waistband and I was so that when I felt my waistband, it would remind me we do not want to pop out of this waistband, right, right, and I’ve done that before with belts. Just a reminder. It’s like a little, you know, physical reminder to remind. Let’s just keep it.

Sharise Parviz: 11:32

So I did eat some. I had some brisket, I had some meat, which was delicious, with a local restaurant here and so I had some brisket and that’s really it. I didn’t really I didn’t have anything else really. I had some brisket and some. I think I had some salami and I had some cheese. Now, that’s not quite stage two foods, but you know, you do what you do where you need to do and you make the best choices you can make from all the options that you have. But there was no sweets, there was nothing like that, it was just meats. I focused on the meats and the protein. So, and my little tight waistband, you know, not uncomfortably tight, but it would be uncomfortably tight if I had overeaten. So that was my little trick last night, but it was just, really it was in and out, which I like even better. So you know, it was only like a two hour dinner or hors d’oeuvres really, um, and meet and greet and ah, which was perfect. It was just like going in, doing all the rounds, meeting all the people, saying hello and being able to leave right away. And that was kind of always my thing.

Sharise Parviz: 12:36

My husband always makes fun of me because he’s more of the social butterfly than I am. You know he is definitely the extrovert. Extrovert, he likes to get out there and mingle and be around the people and chit, chat and do all that. And I guess I’m the I call myself an introvert, but I guess it’s an extrovert. Introvert I like being out there, but it can’t be too long. And so whenever I tell my husband, I would say, when we had events to go to or, you know, networking events or just whatever events that I’d say, OK, let’s go, let’s hurry up and go so we can get back. I was already looking forward to being back home, um, and he just laughed oh, yeah, I know, but yeah, so, okay, today let’s get onto what I wanted to chat about.

Sharise Parviz: 13:19

And what I wanted to chat about is to plan or not to plan, and, um, you know, and this means like actually like taking a planner and writing out your schedule, organizing your day, organizing your time, and I know there are some people that are like so into it and doing it, and like you know, just to the nth degree, and there’s some that are just like, no, I don’t plan anything. So I’ll tell you a little bit about where I fall on that spectrum. Here Is that when I ran my well, actually ever since I was in college, because when I was in college, I had already had one child, and so if I hadn’t organized my time, you know, I went to school full time, I worked part time and then, of course, I had my son and was married. So I had to organize my time pretty, pretty, pretty rigidly. I mean, it was pretty if I would not have been able to graduate like I did with high honors, if I hadn’t with high honors if I hadn’t. So yeah, planning and organizing my time and looking and saying, okay, this is what to do, or what do you? You know when you’d get your syllabus and I would break it down and break it down by the weeks, you know, and plan backwards where you take the final project and you plan backwards how much you need to do from the end date to where you are now, how much you need to do each week, or whatever. Break it down into, uh, smaller portions, right, smaller segments of time. So I was a huge planner and that worked really well. Um, and pretty much, I was a huge planner all the way up until I left my studio, my performing arts school, and when you know, when I left my performing arts school, I stopped planning. Well, I think I told you I was just not really in a frame of mind of knowing what the heck I wanted to do in my life, so it was kind of like what do I plan for?

Sharise Parviz: 15:23

But I did get involved with a planning. There’s a very, you know, well-known planner. You know it’s called I’m not going to name the name, but it’s a planner company and and you can learn to become, to train, to become, to teach how to use this planner. It’s a really really in depth planner, like everything is planned. I mean everything is planned Goals, dreams, key projects, everything. So it’s really for the professional. It doesn’t have to just be used for the professional, but it typically is and it’s for organizations and professionals. So I thought that’s great. I mean I love planning right, so I became a trainer because I thought this would be really great. I mean I love planning right, so I became a trainer because I thought this would be really great to teach. If I want to teach, this is before I decided I wanted to become a coach or the traditional natural path or anything. So I did it.

Sharise Parviz: 16:19

I was really gung-ho with it for about six months and then I just got so sick of planning I just dumped it all. I was like I’m done. I am so done with committing, with planning my life and committing myself to every detail of my life. I just got sick of it. I’m just like this is ridiculous. I mean, if my life has to be planned to the minute almost, then it’s. You know what I’m not living my life I’m. If my life has to be planned to the minute almost, then it’s good, and you know what? I’m not living my life. I’m just planning to live, as opposed to actually living. And I’m not a big on commitment, meaning I will give you the shirt off my back until you expect it. And then when you start expecting it of me and start committing me to something, then it’s like then I start to buck right. It’s one thing if I’m in control of giving, but it’s another thing when you expect me, when you commit me to something. Now, nobody’s committing me to write down my daily plan, except for me. But just the idea of having to write everything down at that point in my life was just like I’m not going to do this, this is ridiculous. I’m going to live my life.

Sharise Parviz: 17:36

So for about a year, maybe a year and a half after that, I didn’t, I didn’t plan. I mean, I was already now working and doing all these things and in my practice, but I wouldn’t write this thing down in a damn journal. I was like not going to do it right in a day planner. Okay, so I would just do post-it notes, because to me a post-it note is yeah, it’s noncommittal, it’s a post-it note, write it down, stick it on my computer and walk away. Throw it away, whatever you know, and I didn’t miss any important things or anything like that, right. But I just the idea of forcing myself to sit down with a day planner you know once a week or whatever it is and write things down, I just like no, I’m just not going to do it. I just do not want to do that. That’s not my life, just sitting here and planning it. Okay, so I went from being an extreme planner I mean, I used to be one of those serious calorie counters too, man, I would count every single calorie that went into my body, I mean I had always written everything down but to absolutely refusing to do any of it. And now I found a balance.

Sharise Parviz: 18:41

So why do I find the benefit of writing things down? Well, there’s quite a few benefits to it, quite honestly, and you might be someone who already understands these benefits and you might be someone that’s really bucking it, like I did, you know, for a while, but you really are, um, and you know one thing is it just helps to keep me on track. That’s pretty simple, right. It helps me to keep focused. So I get a, you know, when I write things down and I can look back on it I can celebrate my wins and it also helps me to pre-plan for the future. So, while that might be my wellness journal, my daily planner, inside my wellness journal, of the foods I will add the lifestyle activities, I will add supplements or whatever.

Sharise Parviz: 19:33

You know it does help to keep me on track and then when I really feel like I haven’t failed or like I failed or I’m not doing as well, I can go back to the previous pages and go, oh, and show myself how far I’ve come, whereas if I didn’t write that down, it would just get lost. You know success usually gets lost. You know we don’t remember our successes as well as we remember our failures, and so writing our successes down we can look back and go, oh, you know, I feel like I’m not going anywhere, but look at how far I’ve gone. So that helps to help celebrate ourselves in the middle of a quest that we’re on, whatever that quest is. You know, the other thing that planning does is it frees my mind to think about other important things and not the mundane tasks that have to be done or for the day right. So you know, when I schedule my day I don’t want to have to think about it. There’s a lot more things I want to think about and contemplate than what am I supposed to do at 7am, right? So writing things down really helps me to free my mind for creative thinking. For, you know, creating choreography for my dance class that I’m going to be shooting soon and putting up virtually, or whatever my yoga classes, or working with my clients, or coming up with new techniques to help my clients, whatever it is that I can actually free my mind for more fun things than remembering. You know, what I need to eat, what I need to do, what’s happening at two o’clock, right, you know all of that. Write it down, get it off your brain and save your brain for more important tasks and things and fun things to do.

Sharise Parviz: 21:27

You know I the other thing is that what I found to writing things down so I’m not the writer, the planner, like I used to be I still plan, but not like to, like I said, the nth degree that every minute of every day has to be written down and lived by, you know? No, like it’s a religion, no, right, I write it down. So here’s my process for planning. Now I start off with a clean slate. The first thing I do is, I look at my schedule and what is always reoccurring. If that works for me and I don’t want to change it, I just write it down in the planner, right, I have my ideal week and I write that down. So what I know I do consistently over and over and over again, you know, maybe my wake up time, or I go to the gym at a certain time, or whatever it is things that are already routine in my life.

Sharise Parviz: 22:22

Well, that’s easy, that you just write that down, just throw it in, you know, into the planner and then from there I just start living my life and if I add new things, I go let’s try it, maybe it might fit at this time, right, and looking at what my schedule already is, based on what I’m already doing, and if it doesn’t work and I move it to a different time and try and experiment with a different time. It’s all an experiment. That’s why I keep it light, keep it all an experiment. Then, once I find the area in my life where that activity fits, ah, okay, that goes in the planner and I do that.

Sharise Parviz: 22:58

For, you know, any activity or whatever I’m doing or whatever I’m trying to add into my life, I first start adding it, seeing if it works well, and then, if it works at that time, I put it in the planner and then that’s easy. That way you’re not sitting here contemplating, okay, what should I do at eight, and then okay, and then at nine, and then you know all this and then what happens? You spend all this time. This is the frustrating part, at least it was for me. You spend all this time pre-planning your plan, time pre-planning your plan, and then, when you get to the day of the planning or we get to that time, it doesn’t work and you’re like I just spent all this time and it didn’t work.

Sharise Parviz: 23:45

So write down your routine as is that is working for you. That goes in your planner, and then, as you start to add new things or do new things, experiment with times and days or whatever experiment where you want to put it. When you find the space in your daily routine or weekly routine that works, then put it in your planner and work it that way, because I find then you are directing the planner instead of you feeling the planner directing you, directing the planner instead of you feeling the planner directing you, because I think that’s part of the problem with planning is, we feel that our daily planner is now the boss of us and if you remember, I talked. You know we don’t like being told what to do. I think I said that in a past podcast. We don’t like to be told what to do. Don’t tell me what to do. And then when we put everything down on our planner and then we got, then it feels like the planner is our boss and that’s not the way it should be. We should be the boss of our planner. So I think for me you know being like the commitment phobe I’m not going to do that um is doing it that way, right, figuring it out first in real time what works, what doesn’t work in that, in what slot, and then putting it in the planner, and then that way the planner is serving me, even if it’s just mental. This is all mental, this is just all perception, as opposed to me thinking or feeling or perceiving that, um, you know I’m, I, the planner is controlling me, and instead now I feel like I’m controlling the planner. I hope that makes sense, you know, and so. But planning is a good thing to do and the nice thing I find is that once I find a routine that works. You just have to write down once.

Sharise Parviz: 25:18

Now, of course you have like things like meetings or whatever that might change. You know, you know at times or whatever, but a lot of them base really the majority of your day. You know the majority of people’s day from my experience with the people I work with, people I meet and myself. The majority of people’s day, from my experience, or the people I work with, people I meet and myself, the majority of the day is pretty much just on repeat. It’s like Groundhog Day. I mean you’re just pretty much doing the same thing getting up at the same time, you know, going at the same time to the same place, maybe for work or whatever it is. You’re pretty much repeating this same thing. And then of course, you have additions, right, but it’s pretty much the same. I would say 80% of our schedule is pretty consistent. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t change right, routines do change but it does mean you build a routine and it’s pretty much consistent. So once you have that consistent routine, then it’s like, okay, you don’t have to think about it so much anymore. Again, you have to write down new meetings or new things that come up, or you know holidays or birthdays or birthdays even those are routine, right, you get those into the calendar once you’re done, but once you know so, when new things come up, sure they have to be placed in, but unless you have a whole routine change, you’re pretty much good once it’s set.

Sharise Parviz: 26:34

And then, yeah, I have had my routines changed quite, you know, quite often. Not quite often, I shouldn’t say quite often, but I have had them done often. I mean, the last time I had my huge routine change is when my daughter and grandbaby, when she just had the first grandbaby and was pregnant with her second, came to stay with us for a while and I, because she was pregnant, I wanted to help out and I wanted to, and of course I wanted the time with the baby too, so I would get up and be with the baby so my daughter could sleep in. Anyway, when I had on my schedule before they came to visit that I got up at 5 am and I did some, you know, did my prayers and so forth, but then I would actually do some work and so forth, but then I would actually do some work and um, but little one. When she came to stay with us, well, she got up at seven, and so I never could get everything done that I wanted to get done. So I had to make it routine change. And so the way I made a routine change is I moved my wake up time to four and that gave me the same amount of time that I needed to work before baby got up Right. And now baby is gone, right, and I still have decided. You know, 4am is still good, so I kept that routine.

Sharise Parviz: 27:42

So, yes, things change and you have to kind of work it around, but once you have it set, it’s yours right, not much to do. So you know, if you’re one that has kind of been bucking, you know, resisting planning, just you know, start with post-it notes, you know, because if you’re finding that you’re late where you go or you miss appointments or shoot your double book that’s I’ve had a lot of folks who’ve had problems with that when not planning I just say you know what, just start with post-it notes. Start with post-it notes, put your post-it notes somewhere where you’ll see it every day. It’s a post-it note, you know. And then just deal with post-it notes or write it in a planner and pencil. I mean it’s just the feeling of going, yeah, I could do this or I don’t have to, you know, and it gives you a sense of freedom, right? It’s just mind games that we’re playing with ourselves. That’s okay. Sometimes we need to play those mind games, all right. Anyway, that’s it for today.

Sharise Parviz: 28:44

Just a quick rundown of what I’m going to be doing. I’m going to be starting stage three in gaps, and what is that? Let me tell you a little bit about what is in stage three. So it’s all the same foods in stage one and two, but a few things are added. New Mashed avocado is added into my soups. I also get to get to. I can do this anytime I want, but add in nut butter pancakes, Yum.

Sharise Parviz: 29:13

So this is the first area where we start to bring in some of the higher carbohydrate foods like nuts, right, and you start with nut butter pancakes. You can make your own nut butter or just buy a good source as also an option, and you start with source is also an option and you start with making nut butter pancakes. This is when, cooking, you start to have a little more challenge in your cooking. So at this point, from this point, we’ve been doing stocks and we’ve been doing soups and casseroles, and all of these have a lot of, much more easier to digest because they’re cooked in water. Now, at this point, we are starting to eat fried or scrambled eggs instead of just the whole egg dropped in a soup. Now we’re scrambling it, which makes it a little more difficult to digest, right?

Sharise Parviz: 30:09

And then this is where you start to not just drink the brine, but now also eat the fermented vegetables. So previously I’ve been drinking the liquid, the brine, the liquid from my sauerkraut, or what’s called cabbage tonic, and from my fermented drinks. Right now, I’m going to actually start eating the fermented vegetables. Yes, so that’s the change in stage three. All right, I’ll let you know how it all goes. Have a beautiful day, and plan or not to plan, that’s up to you. Post a note, not to post a note, but you know, see, if your life doesn’t get just a little more freer, quite honestly, by writing it down, instead of having to think about it and chaining yourself to oh gosh, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. Right, it actually can be pretty freeing to plan than to not to plan. All right, have a beautiful day. Bye-bye.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:00

Welcome to Burn the Boats, baby. This is Sharise Parviz, your holistic health specialist, life relationship and energy healing coach. Hey, so today I wanted to talk about how the world for us would be different if we decided what health meant to us, if we defined what it meant to us. So before we get into that, I wanted to give you an update on what is happening at my at-home retreat. Things are going really really well. I have a lot of energy. I’m continuing to lose weight. It’s slowed down. It used to be a pound a day and now it’s maybe about a pound every three days maybe. So almost two pounds a week, I think, was what last week was, and it still continues to moving down and getting down, getting into some clothes that I’ve been in the back of my closet for a while and I went oh, let’s see if that fits today and it does.

Sharise Parviz: 0:56

So, feeling good, sleeping great. My sleep is doing really really well. I’m able to kind of sleep through the night and still waking up every once in a while and I just okay, you know, when I wake up and something is on my mind instead of, like you know, berating myself or waking up like I need to get some sleep. I need to get some sleep. I kind of just let it okay. What’s the message? What’s happening? What’s my brain? You know what’s my brain, you know thinking about, what is my mind on that we need to deal with, you know. And then it comes up and then I’ll pray about it and I’ll do some, you know, meditation in bed and I can then fall asleep. So you know, the biggest thing if you wake up in the middle of the night, I found that the biggest thing that keeps us from falling back to sleep is worrying about waking up and not going back to sleep. So if you get up in the middle of the night, I would suggest trying that, instead of like going looking at the clock and going right, which only just stresses us out further and we’re trying to relax, we can go back to sleep further and we’re trying to relax so we can go back to sleep is to pray, to meditate, to focus. Maybe do some focus meditations on your breath, on your sensations in your body, doing a body scan, exercise, body scanning, just kind of seeing how you feel from head to toe, and just focusing on your breath and allowing your body to just to be and if something is on your mind, give it to God and through those activities not stressing out about waking up and not being able to sleep, but through those activities that actually will help you to fall back to sleep At least it should. I have a whole in my wise and wild wellness way. I have a whole lot of tips on how to sleep, anyway, so, but those are a few that I recommend that I use on myself. You know, prayer, meditation, breath work, just focusing on breath, nothing big, just focus, and and then maybe body scanning and see where there’s some tension and then just letting it go right, okay, so, so, yeah, everything is going really well and, uh, what else gosh? Uh, oh, well, today my husband and I are going to a governor’s event, so that should be kind of fun. We’re looking forward to that. We’ll see how that goes, and I guess that’s it for updates.

Sharise Parviz: 3:26

So let’s get to the topic of the day. Okay, so what I wanted to chat about is I was listening to a podcast this morning and you may know her or you may not. Her name is Dr Jennifer Daniels, and I don’t know her story completely, but from what I understand and again, I could be wrong on details, but I think I’m close enough for you to get the idea is she was a medical doctor and she actually served, built her own facility, her own practice, like you know, the whole building and all invested in her community that she grew up in. She grew up in the ghetto and somewhere in New York Syracuse, new York, I believe and again the details may be a little shady on me right now I’m not sure but I believe it was Syracuse, new York, and she grew up in the ghetto and she wanted to go back and serve her community and she did and, from what I understand, she lost her medical license because, well, she wasn’t doing what the you know what the establishment was trying to make her do. Right, she wasn’t passing out pills like they were candy, so she wasn’t writing up prescriptions. Other like pharmaceutical reps would come in and say, you know, check your inventory and all this, and checked her inventory and saw that she was still had so much inventory or what have you, and then they reported her and I can’t remember, I don’t remember the details, this is just from what I understand and then she ended up losing her license and then going into debt and she actually ended up moving and she’s now from well, I shouldn’t say now, but from when I was listening to her podcast or going back and listening to her podcast in Panama.

Sharise Parviz: 5:13

So really great, interesting lady. She is one that has brought kind of like turpentine in the foreground, turpentine therapy into the foreground. And let me just say anything I say today is only for entertainment and educational purposes only. This is none of this is medical advice. This is all just us shooting the you know what. Okay, that’s all we’re doing here today.

Sharise Parviz: 5:39

So anyway, she was a big one that really was bringing the whole turpentine protocol to light and she did a lot of research on turpentine and how turpentine back in the Merck manual of like 1899, I think it was, it was everything. It was there to cure everything Right. And then slowly and slowly and slowly it went out of favor, mostly probably because drugs came into favor, but anyway. And then she rediscovered it, I should say, back in the 90s, and she started working with her patients with that had wonderful, wonderful results with the turpentine protocol. And I’m not going to discuss what the protocol is and I’m not suggesting you just sit there and take a bottle of turpentine. If that’s something you’re interested in, you can look her up, Dr Jennifer Daniels, and I think her website is Vitality Capsules. I’m not quite sure I think that’s right, but just look her up and you can Google her, or you know, duckduckgoer, or whatever you do, and learn for yourself, right. So, anyway, but if you’ve been hearing about the Turpentine Protocol, it actually stemmed all from her bringing it back to light what they did a hundred, you know, or more, years ago, all right.

Sharise Parviz: 7:00

So anyway, I was listening to a podcast of hers this morning and she talked about how, you know, we are already healthy, all the health we need we have. And you know, just maybe consider what she was saying. If we could define what health means for us beyond the labs, beyond the white coats, beyond what any expert or what the leading doctors say, or what the trend of the moment is, is what is healthy, and we define what that is ourselves by determining if we have enough health to live the life that we want to live. And if we have enough health to live the life we want to live, then we’re healthy. And it’s not about some outside, external, you know, checkmark verification. Hey, you’re healthy, right? It’s about how we feel and are we able to do the things that we want to do in our life. So, for instance right, I’ll take me for instance my goal I’ve decided and if you’ve been following along is not only do I want to get to dancing again, I want to get back to my professional level fitness and ability, that’s what I want to get. So I’m going to determine, since that’s the level I want to get to, of course I’m going to be looking at my diet and my training and my stretching and all of these things that will put me back into the place where I was professionally dancing, in that type of level, that fitness level. Okay, that’s where I want to be.

Sharise Parviz: 8:57

Now, your goal in life may not be the same, you know. You might want to just be able to enjoy, enjoy playing with your kids or your grandkids without pain. You might want to just be able to climb the stairs without getting out of breath. You might want to run a marathon. You might just want to go biking or walking with your friends. Whatever that is, whatever it is that you want to do in your life, whatever the activity is that you want to put into your life and have more to do, have more of in your life, determine your health. Can you do those things? If those are things that you want to do, you determine what you want to do. Can you do it? And if not, what might need to be shifted in your life? What might need to be modified, adapted, eliminated, replaced, to have you attain that health that will give you the freedom to do the things that you enjoy and desire to do?

Sharise Parviz: 10:00

And so, in that thinking, it’s not about the lab reports, it’s not about the yearly tests, it’s not about and I’m not saying go do tests, don’t do tests. You do what’s right for you. That’s between you and you. You know you got to do that, you got to be, you got to do what your conscious tells you to do. I, personally, I don’t do tests. I haven’t done a medical test in quite some time. I’m not saying that’s for you, but I haven’t. Now my husband has. And because, um, when we were testing his liver for, uh, his numbers, when his med? Because when he was on the drugs, but he hasn’t done it since, right, once we got everything back to normal. He hasn’t done it since.

Sharise Parviz: 10:42

And so the? So that’s a decision you have to make on your own, whether you’re going to go to the doctors every year or whatever, whatever, and get all the tests and get everything checked. And you know, now you’ve reached age 50. So you go in for that colonoscopy because that’s that milestone. And then you’re way before that. What is it? Age 40? I think it’s 40. I don’t know. It was when I was, when I was 40. You know, and you got to get to start your yearly mammogram. Now that’s changed. It’s no longer yearly, but you get the idea right. Every age comes with its own. Now look what we get to do at the doctor’s office.

Sharise Parviz: 11:18

Okay, anyway, so instead of all of that, I’m just saying not that you can’t do it. You can do that and do this or just do this. So whichever one is right for you, determine your health based on the ability to do the things you want to do in your life. And if you can’t do the things that you want to do in your life, what can you do so that you can? What things? Maybe it’s food, maybe it’s your diet, maybe it’s activity. You know. If you want to play with your kids or your grandkids, you know what can you do. If you want to play with your kids or your grandkids, what can you do? Can you start exercising, Can you start walking, can you start doing things that help to build up your stamina and help to build up your energy and maybe lose some weight? I’m not saying that’s what you need, I’m just giving you examples. I mean, I wouldn’t know because I don’t know, we’re just talking, but that is something that, if I had you as a client, for instance, I would go through all of the questions that I need to. We love to do.

Sharise Parviz: 12:15

So you know, if there is a, you know, a master level athlete, right, and you know they’re doing all of the marathons or performing at the Olympics, competing at the Olympics or whatever you know, you would say they’re really healthy, you know they’re really fit, they’re really strong, right. And then you have the grandmother who walks the block three blocks. You know, or’re really fit, they’re really strong, right. And then you have the grandmother who walks the block three blocks, you know or walks a mile every day or around, you know the block three times, whatever, right, and they do it and they love it and they’re enjoying themselves, right. Would you say that the, the athlete, is healthier than the grandmother? Yeah, I guess you would.

Sharise Parviz: 13:07

In in today’s, you know going and looking at. Going and looking at from like, from the doctor’s point of view, from lab work or from fitness level or muscle versus whatever fat. All the tests, all that would determine that yes. However, the grandma may not want to ever become an advanced athlete. She has no desire. She’s just happy to be walking around the block three times or to walk a mile to the store or whatever it is. To her, that’s healthy. She’s doing what she loves to do and having a blast doing it. She’s enjoying it. So, yeah, she’s healthy for her and he’s healthy for him.

Sharise Parviz: 13:46

So now I’m just going to let’s just assume they’re living very, very healthy lifestyles, because, I’m sure you may or may not know this, there are plenty of quote unquote athletes. I know, because being in the fitness industry, that are very unhealthy. Just because somebody looks fit doesn’t mean they are. But if you’re an elite athlete, no, you got to have to put it together. You know you can’t, you can’t be, you can’t be cheating on your. You know you’re a fine. You know you got a motor that has to run beautifully. You’re not going to put crap in it. But anyway, the point is, let’s not get off track. Is that what is healthy for you is what’s most important, and maybe us determining our own level of health for our lives is what’s important versus what we’re told is healthy.

Sharise Parviz: 14:33

Because, let’s be honest, I don’t particularly believe in labs, not for myself and not for my clients. If they want to go and get it, they’re more than free to do it. I can look at them. But here’s the thing about labs Labs are a moment in time. It’s like a freeze frame. Right there you go. Labs are a moment in time. It’s like a freeze frame, right there you go. And you know our bodies, our metabolism, is changing all day long, so our bodies are constantly fluctuating one way or the other. And so when we get a lab test done and we look at it, we think, oh, my gosh, that’s what’s happening every moment of my life, is it? No, not really. It’s a moment in time, okay. So as long as we understand, hmm, this is a moment in time, then we don’t get too wrapped up in it. Now again, this is not health advice, this is just my hey. Like I said, we’re just shooting it here, okay. So the other thing about lab tests is they keep changing, they keep, they keep you moving the goal further and further away, right, the carrot on the stick is further and further from us, right? They keep pushing it further and further out. So, where you know, I mean there was no worry about high cholesterol until cholesterol drugs came out, okay.

Sharise Parviz: 15:50

And I remember when I was in my twenties, like after my second, the birth of my second baby, I was 27. I went to the doctors and did all the blood tests, because I did all that and my cholesterol is at 240. Oh, I’m not 27. Okay, 240. My cholesterol is at 240. Oh, 27. Okay, 240. My cholesterol is at 240. And the doctor’s going, you know, you really want to think about getting on cholesterol medication. And I looked at her and I went, yeah, no, thank you, but no.

Sharise Parviz: 16:21

And I just thought that was the craziest thing. I’m 27 years old, I feel great. Why would I get on drugs, right? So, um, so, anyway, I think on my last cholesterol check I had was a few years ago and guess what? It was still at 240. It hasn’t changed right now.

Sharise Parviz: 16:39

Here’s the thing. I’m not going to get into cholesterol. I can get on that another day, but here’s the thing is that you know they’re constantly changing. So I think cholesterol was at 200 and now it’s like 180, and all that right, because, honestly, because they’re just drugs. How can we prescribe more of them? Well, we just keep lowering the numbers of what is healthy. So you know, with that, how do you know what you’re trusting? I mean, there was a time when cigarettes were healthy for you and you know, nine out of 10 doctors recommend this brand right, or? Oh my gosh, what else? I mean, how many things through our medical history have we been told is a healthy standard that we find out later is completely wrong. I mean what we have going on today. We have the whole body positivity and that weight and being overweight is really not a health concern. Okay, right, we’ve known differently forever, so now it automatically isn’t.

Sharise Parviz: 17:45

Now, I’m not talking about shaming someone because they’re overweight, not at all. But what I am talking about is let’s be real, we can love the person Absolutely. It’s not about shaming the person, but we want them well. And so when we are telling people who are, who are obese, and that, yeah, you don’t need to lose weight, you don’t need to lose weight, you’re fine, you’re healthy, look at you, you know weight has nothing to do with health, okay, and it does and we see it Right. So we know it. Okay, I mean, some things are just logical and make common sense. We know it.

Sharise Parviz: 18:25

So, that being said, you know why wouldn’t we want someone to be as healthy as they can be? It’s not about body shaming, but it is about loving somebody enough to be honest with them and to care about them, enough to do something about it. Right, to let them know, because by ignoring it and avoiding it, we’re not being positive, we’re not supporting them, we’re just setting them off to an earlier grave. We’re not supporting them, we’re just setting them off to an earlier grave, anyway. So, that being said, the whole point I’m saying on that is that the doctors are changing. Well, the doctors, not the doctors, really. The doctors are just going along with what they’re being told to go along with, but the establishment right, the industrial medical complex, all of that they are constantly changing the rules on us. So I don’t know.

Sharise Parviz: 19:17

You know you can get your labs. You cannot get your labs, but you know what could be healthy. You know, one year is completely unhealthy, the next, you know, maybe not every year, but you understand what I’m saying. So what do we believe? Well, if you’re going to go get your labs, get your labs done, but then ask yourself how do I feel, though? How do I really really feel you might want to do this, or don’t get your labs done and determine your health based on are you able to do the things that you want to do? And, if not, what are the things that you can do in your life to help you to get to that place of health so you can do what you want to do, your level of health that you want? Okay, I’m going to expand on that and say it’s not just our physical health, because I work with clients. I work with people on, again, as a holistic health specialist holistic, you know. I work with them on all the different levels their mental state, so not just their physical, but their mental, their emotional, their relationship. So you can do the same thing with that. So you can do the same thing with that.

Sharise Parviz: 20:29

You can say what is it? What would a healthy relationship look like? For instance, a healthy spiritual life for me, a healthy mental life. What do I want more of in my life? What do I want to think and focus on, versus what I don’t want to think and focus on? What do I want? More peace and calm in my life. You know, in spiritually. I mean, do I?

Sharise Parviz: 20:58

I know that there’s, you know, the church lady that sits next to me in church and she knows every verse in the Bible, from every book and verse and chapter, and she can quote it all from six different translations. She’s so much spiritual than I am, more spiritual than I am. She’s a real christian. Okay, I mean, I’ve, you know, we’ve been there saying that. Well, maybe you haven’t, but I certainly have. I’m just not christian enough. But do I really? Is that really what I really? I mean, you could do it if you really wanted to. You can sit there and memorize passages and books, and it’s beautiful that somebody can do that. I think it’s don’t get me wrong, and that’s for her.

Sharise Parviz: 21:38

But what does spiritual health mean for you? Is it more prayer time with the Lord? Is it just more contemplation? Is it whatever it is for you? You know you have to decide that and I don’t want to keep throwing ideas out, because then it’s kind of like I’m feeding it to you and when I pose these things to you I don’t want you to take on my ideas. I want you to come up with your own. So I always kind of try to hold back giving a lot of examples because I don’t want that to get in your brain, so because I want you to come up with your own. So, looking at your spiritual life, looking at your relationship and I don’t just mean your romantic relationship, it could be any relationship with your kids, with your boss, with your coworkers, with your friends, with whatever. Choose a relationship, look at it and go is this as healthy as it could be?

Sharise Parviz: 22:39

Now, obviously, when you’re dealing with more than one person, you kind of want to be on the same. You may want to have that conversation of what does a healthy relationship look like together? Right, but you could ask how can I make this relationship? How can I make my spiritual life? How can I make my mental life? How can I make all of this healthier for me, the kind of health that I want? It doesn’t have to look like anybody else’s right To be healthy. So that’s something you know. I’m just contemplating here Again, I’m just going through my own brain and kind of coming up with these thoughts as I’m talking to you about it.

Sharise Parviz: 23:21

But to make a list, maybe taking every area of your life physical, mental, spiritual, emotional relationships and you can list your relationships or whatever else. Whatever you know, I’m going to say buckets. Whatever bucket in your life that you have work, it could be hobbies, it could be anything. Just think about all just brainstorm, think about all the different areas of your life, put it down on paper, you know, and, as this is just as an experiment, and think to yourself what does a healthy, what does this look like, this area look like when it’s healthy for me, and describe it, write it down, what does it look like being healthy?

Sharise Parviz: 24:10

And then, once you’ve done that, for all the areas, any areas, or just one area that you’d like to focus on, then I think the next step would be I’m contemplating this with you is looking at your life like looking at your day, like a normal, average day, kind of going through your life and looking at everything that you do, everything that you do, all the activities and this is just kind of like an awareness exercise and looking at you know, what you do, and looking at everything as being malleable, everything that you’re doing, being shiftable, being adaptable, that you’re doing being shiftable, being adaptable, something that could either be eliminated or modified to fit into the vision of health you want in that area. And so when you look at things with a curiosity and with a wonder and with a possibility of, hmm, how can I make my life? And looking at all the things that you do on a daily basis, how can I maybe just tweak them so they can help me to achieve the health I want in this area? I don’t know, it sounds like a fun exercise, so it might be something. I think that’s something. I’m going to try and see what I want to do.

Sharise Parviz: 25:30

So let’s recap you determine what is healthy for you. All right, that that’s what we’re going to do. We’re not going to listen to the experts, who always change their mind anyway. I mean, you can, if you want, but on top of listening to the experts, you can do this too. Or you can say, eh, forget the experts, I’m just going to do this too. It’s up to you, your decision. No medical advice here.

Sharise Parviz: 25:56

All right, let you list all the different areas of your life that you would like to focus on building more health in your physical life, mental life, spiritual life, relationships and anything else that you can think of. And then you look at what it means to you to define. Define what health means in those areas. Write it out. Def at what it means to you to define. Define what health means in those areas. Write it out. Define what health means in the area of your physical life, your mental life, your spiritual life, your emotional life, your relationships, et cetera, et cetera.

Sharise Parviz: 26:21

Then next, look at your day and everything you do. I mean every bit of money you spend, every, every action you take. Is there anything? And looking at everything you do, I mean every bit of money you spend, every action you take is there anything? And looking at everything with curiosity and as though everything is shiftable, changeable, malleable, adaptable or maybe even eliminatable, possible eliminating. What are the things that you do in your life that can be modified in some way to help you build health in that area? And I would only start with one area. Don’t go overboard. Start with one area in your life and see if you can bring more health into it.

Sharise Parviz: 27:05

But just make sure that, whatever your health is, it is defined by you, not by someone who really doesn’t understand you, doesn’t understand your life, doesn’t understand your desires, doesn’t understand your dreams, doesn’t understand your goals, can understand you better than you. No one, no expert, no one can understand you or have the answers better than you do. You do. You have them, we all do. We all have them inside of us. So tap into that and define what health means for you. So tap into that and define what health means for you. Hmm, all right, I’m ready to go. I’m gonna go make my list right now. So have a great day and I will talk to you soon. Remember, burn the boats, baby, take the island and commit to the path ahead. Yeah, I’m cheesy because I’m feeling cheesy today. All right, bye-bye.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:00

Well, this isn’t exactly what I wanted to chat about, but I think it’s an important topic and I’m going to start with some backstory so you understand. I think it’ll make it a little clearer why I say maybe you just might want to interview your doctor, okay. But first just to let you know we’re not walking today. Just let you know we’re not walking today. We’re actually sitting at the Victory Center volunteering to selling yard signs and what am I saying? Canvassing material and election material and all that good stuff. So that is where we are today, which is why it kind of probably the sound is much better without a lot of outside noise. But anyway. So backstory time, okay. Backstory time, okay, backstory.

Sharise Parviz: 0:48

So yesterday I was in a practitioner’s meeting and this is a meeting for professionals in the health and wellness field, in the natural and holistic healing health and wellness field. So chiropractors, naturopaths, homeopaths, acupuncturists, anyone that functional medicine, you get the idea, anybody who is in the natural healing space. Okay, so every week I attend this meeting and these meetings are really about really brainstorming and sharing ideas and we share what’s working in our practice and what’s not. We may discuss the latest research that’s come out and we may discuss, you know, different approaches to treatments or even how to approach treating a patient. How to approach treating a patient, and there is, there’s the kicker right there. Okay, so, in all things, the one thing that all of these practitioners, what we have in common is that we really want to see our patients heal. We want them well, we want to see them well, we want to figure out what the root cause is and help them on the path of healing and wholeness. That is across the board. Where we differ is in how we approach treatment, and so in these meetings that I’m in, there’s a lot of discussion on what is the right quote unquote right approach to treatment for a patient, and I’ve kind of narrowed it down to two camps. Okay, so just go with me here. So think of two camps, I’m just narrowing it down.

Sharise Parviz: 2:44

Here we have Camp 1, and in Camp 1, excuse me, the practitioners in Camp 1,. Well, let’s do it with an example. Okay, a patient comes in and let’s say they have an upset stomach, they have constipation and overall just foggy-headed and not feeling well, and they go in and see a practitioner from Camp 1. So that practitioner would approach their treatment by starting or I don’t say starting, but asking these questions, asking questions about the patient’s emotional life, asking questions about the patient’s psychological life, their thinking, their beliefs, asking about the relationships and their social life, asking about potential trauma or maybe adverse you know, childhood adverse events, things that might have happened to them as children. So what they’re really doing is investigating the internal world of their patient, because the philosophy we’ll just call it a philosophy the belief is that all disease, illness, external, physical are just manifestations of what’s happening internally, emotionally, psychologically, in the person. So if there are unresolved emotions in the patient, that’s going to show up as disease. Okay, so that’s camp one.

Sharise Parviz: 4:16

Camp two, on the other hand, is still looking for the root cause, because they all want to find the root cause. But in camp two their approach is different. So they will ask questions on your environment what are you eating? What are you drinking? What type of water are you drinking? What type of supplementation are you doing? Are you getting out and you’re exercising? How much? What kind? Are you getting out and getting sun? They may do some labs and see if there’s any deficiencies, nutritional deficiencies. So they’re looking at it from the viewpoint of there’s something in the external environment of the patient that is causing illness Could be mold in the house, could be EMF, Wi-Fi. So they’re looking more at the external environment of the patient, whereas in camp one they’re looking at the internal environment. So in camp one we work to restore the emotions, and when we restore the emotions the body will restore as well. Camp two we clean up the external environment, get rid of the toxins in the personal products or the laundry detergent or the cleaning supplies, or in the clothing or the paint or whatever. Clean up the external environment, clean up the nutrition, get to the exercising, getting sun time, sunbathing, all these things, and by doing that the body can do its work and repair and restore itself to health. So camp one, camp two. Now sometimes these camps are very divided and they’re very, very strong in their stance. Sometimes it’s a little difficult to get them to see that well, really, is it an either or or is it a both? And in my thinking it’s both. It’s an and not an either or. So and why I say that is from my own experience, both my personal experience and my experience with my clients. Now you’re going to hear me say clients and patients, and I’m using them interchangeably. It’s just different practitioners use different verbiage. That’s all so in my own life.

Sharise Parviz: 6:36

If you have been listening to this podcast, you might remember me telling you that I was very sick about 20 some years ago, both with physical issues and with mental issues. And mentally I suffered from OCD behavior, intrusive thinking, depression, anxiety, physically, ibs I had to have my gallbladder removed a plethora of problems both mentally and physically. And in the mental health world. I went to therapists, I tried antidepressants at that time Nothing helped, nothing helped. And my husband and I had done research and this was kind of really the dive deep into healing, into natural healing. And we did research and we looked at diet. So out of that research I won’t go into depth on that, but out of that research I had changed my diet. And when I changed my diet I could say that my world changed and I’m not exaggerating here. It was just like 180 degrees right Change.

Sharise Parviz: 7:37

And I realized, the more I delved into what was going on, why was this happening? Why was I feeling better Now? It wasn’t healing my trauma, that was still there. But what it was helping me do is regulate my moods. See, I had no regulation over my moods, over my thinking. I couldn’t control my thoughts. I couldn’t control my moods. I was completely just. It was just uncontrollable. I could not manage. I didn’t have any regulation or modulation at all over my emotions or my moods or my thoughts. Because of that, I couldn’t do the work that maybe the therapist wanted me to do. I couldn’t do the work to heal my trauma Because what was happening is my brain was malnourished, and when your brain is malnourished and your brain can’t function, you can’t really think straight. So when I changed my diet just that simple act of changing my diet and removing certain foods and including, you know, foods that are nourishing to the brain I was able to start regulating my moods, stabilizing my emotions and able to do the work to heal internally. So I saw that with myself, the importance of nutrition and mental health. So my clients also.

Sharise Parviz: 9:02

So when I first started my practice, I started not in any way in the health and wellness space. I started in the life coaching space. I had gone through all my training, but I really my goal in going through my training was to help my husband and to be a resource for my family. It wasn’t to use it in practice. So but as you say, and when had clients, I had quite a few clients that would come to me, and they came to me because they could relate to me, relate to me, excuse me, relate to me about my story Because they also suffered from anxiety or depression, you know, or OCD, or intrusive thoughts, ocd behaviors.

Sharise Parviz: 9:44

They suffered from these conditions as well. Intrusive thoughts, ocd behaviors they suffered from these conditions as well. And when I would work with them as a life coach, I would give directives or things they could do in the following week that were to help them, and then we’d meet the next week and discuss it. Well, they weren’t really able to follow through with what we’d agreed upon that they would do that week. And I remember thinking to myself excuse me, my mouth is dry, my throat is dry that this is a nutritional issue. I don’t mean all of it, but I think we should look at the nutrition and again, going back and remembering what I had gone through, and I thought, okay, let’s do this.

Sharise Parviz: 10:25

So I asked my clients to go ahead, if they could, if they would do like a three-day food diary Nothing fancy, just whenever they ate something, just jot it down on a piece of paper and then bring it in the following week. They looked at me a little strangely, but they did it. And then the following week they came in with their food journal and I looked at it and what I noticed was really one of two things. I noticed that either they ate a very highly processed diet, lots of packaged foods, fast food restaurants going out to eat at restaurants you know fast food joints and restaurants, you get the idea and lots and lots of packaged food, lots of microwaved foods. Either that or they were vegan and that might upset some folks, but that’s the truth.

Sharise Parviz: 11:09

So either way I looked at it, these clients were malnourished. They weren’t giving their brain or their body the nourishment needed to be healthy and when I talked to them about that, I said you know, let’s just try and experiment, because that’s what we were doing. I said let’s experiment and let’s make some adjustments. And I made some very, very small adjustments to their diets. You know, I looked at what was appropriate for them individually and made very small adjustments. Well, they would make those adjustments and come the following week they would come in and they would be like super excited because they felt better in some way. Either they could sleep they were able to sleep through the night or they felt less anxiety or they actually woke up feeling good and not so depressed. And even if they were very small improvements, when you’re in that deep, deep, deep emotional dark space, any small improvement feels huge and I was so happy for them and I knew that we were on the right track. I knew that, while I know we had to deal with some emotional issues, I knew that we also let’s follow the track of this nutritional and get the body nourished. So we worked through some nutritional protocols and I implemented some things. They followed through and they were getting feeling better and better and better. And as they were feeling better, they were able to do more work in working into the inner world of their pain and their suffering and they healed so much faster. They recovered faster. They recovered. They were able to work through the emotional pain, any past trauma, whatever we were dealing with, to get them mentally well and functioning and physically they were healthier too. So again, I understand how important that nutrition is to mental health.

Sharise Parviz: 13:03

And just to go back for a second when I say that both camp one and camp two are correct, they really are. You know, in camp one just just to kind of just to just to do a little. You know little discussion about that in camp one that the emotions affect our bodies. They absolutely do, and you may have read a book or heard of a book called the Body Keeps the Score. If you haven’t, I really recommend reading that. It really is about that our emotions, how they affect us physically, and they absolutely do. If we have unresolved emotions like grief, anger or regret or shame or unforgiveness, it can definitely give us ill effects in our health. In fact, there are organs in our body that are associated with different emotions and if those emotions are unresolved, then those organs can become diseased, can become ill. So that is what I mean, that camp one definitely there is. You know both camps are equally correct in their approach. What I’m saying is it’s not an either, or it’s not looking through the narrow lens of looking only into the inner world or the narrow lens of looking into the outer world. It is integrating both worlds in treating patients. So, that being said, I’m just going to go back to my own experiences On the flip side.

Sharise Parviz: 14:28

When I started introducing the health and wellness, the holistic healing, the naturopath, the herbalism into my practice with my clients, then I would get other clients that came in for physical health issues and I would see, you know, there’s an emotional problem here too. This isn’t just a physical issue, this is an emotional one too. We would start, maybe, with the physical and get the diet on board. And I’m thinking particularly about a client of mine that’s most recent who had to go to the emergency room because they were thinking he had a heart attack and the doctors were trying to get all this invasive procedures done to see what was really going on. And he and his wife he was the patient and the wife they were both very concerned about these procedures. They didn’t want it and they had contacted me because I know the wife and contacted me to ask me my opinion. Well, that’s not my place to give my opinion. Well, that’s not my place to give my opinion. But what I could do is I could walk them through the thinking process with all the information that we knew from the doctors what would work out best for them, what is the right decision that they felt comfortable with. So they made the decision after we went through the process and they decided that they didn’t want to do these invasive procedures and they left the hospital. When they left the hospital. They came to me to help and I started them on.

Sharise Parviz: 15:53

I started him excuse me, not them started him, although it is same like a them. Especially when you’re married, you know you’re working together to get your spouse well. So I started him on a protocol the GAPS nutritional protocol and other protocols on a protocol the GAPS nutritional protocol and other protocols detoxification and herbs and so forth and so on to help support his physical health. Well, he lost like 30 pounds, like in I don’t know. I think it was like two weeks. I mean that is how much inflammation and excess water and toxins he was holding in his body. But he was flushing all that out and he also was starting to lose weight. We could tell it was fat and not muscle, so that was great. He had more energy, he was able to breathe better. He overall felt so much better.

Sharise Parviz: 16:39

So we kept going down that avenue and kept working the nutritional and lifestyle and supplementation protocols that I had introduced into it. We kept proceeding with that. Yet I knew that there was something going on emotionally from discussions that we had and I didn’t delve deep because I just knew that that wasn’t the place that we were starting. That wasn’t quite the right place for him right now in the place that we were starting. That wasn’t quite the right place for him right now, and so, basically, what I’m saying, though, is that in both cases, whether my client came in for mental health issues or physical health issues, I had to implement both practices, treating them both, in order for the healness to occur in my clients.

Sharise Parviz: 17:30

So that’s why I’m saying it’s not an either, or it’s an, and this either or thinking is really what holistic health practitioners, what we blame or point our finger at in the allopathic medicine world, as being called reductionist thinking. Meaning, when you go to a regular doctor, a regular MD, how many doctors does a person have? They have one doctor for every condition, right, because every doctor specializes in a particular field of medicine, and they look at the patient through that lens, right, that very narrow lens of their expertise. Well, that’s what’s called reductionist thinking. We’re not looking at the whole person, we’re just looking at pieces and parts, and treating those pieces and parts, as opposed to the whole person, systemically. Well, that’s what we call reductionist thinking.

Sharise Parviz: 18:21

And, in the same vein, if we’re looking at a patient through only that everything is emotional, or that it’s only physical, that’s also reductionist thinking, and so what we want to do is integrate, integrate as practitioners, both what’s happening in the inner world, what’s happening in the external world, and taking the whole being, this whole being, this physical being, this spiritual being, this creative being, this thinking being, the whole being of our patient, taking that whole being into consideration. Okay, so that’s the back story, a lot of back story, I know, but it’s really important that if you’re not aware, aware what practitioners may be thinking Now in the allopathic world, your regular medical doctor who prescribes drugs and you go in and labs and does all the things right, they really aren’t looking at the root cause. Not that they don’t necessarily want you to be well, but the establishment, the medical establishment establishment as it is today, is really all about, you know, getting you to solve your symptoms and not the root problem and having you take medications. Ok, so that, all being said, so why do I say you just might want to interview your doctor? As ill as I had been, as ill as my husband had been, as ill as the people that I know and have worked with have been, as ill as my own clients have been, I know it’s really important to be seen as a whole person and to know that no stone has been unturned right, that all the parts of me as a patient will be looked at and will be considered, and that working with a practitioner is a collaboration, not a one-up, one-down. It is a working together. And, yes, the practitioner may have the knowledge and is there to guide and is able there to inform and to educate, and also is there to respect your decisions as well. So the reason why I say you might just want to interview your doctor is because I want you to have control over your own care, and I know that difficult is when we don’t. When we go into, sometimes we go into a practitioner’s office and the practitioner has their white coat on and you know they’re, they’re, they’re the hero, they look like the hero, they have their white coat on, they, they rode on their white horse with their white coat, and you know we are the victim, white coat, and you know we are the victim, the damsel in distress. You know if you would and they’re here to you know take care of us. Well, unfortunately, when we give them that kind of power, then our decisions, our autonomy, kind of goes out the window, and I can.

Sharise Parviz: 21:32

That happened, for instance, with my sister. She had cancer two years ago and the doctors were really, really pushing radiation and chemotherapy and she was really you know, of course she’s not in a state of mind to figure this out, right, she’s very scared, very worried. Of course she is. And I helped her. I said, you know, let’s look at it together. And we looked at the research together because I wanted her to see it for herself, not just take my word for it. So we looked at it together and, based on the information right that we worked on, looked at and information that was given to her, she decided that she would do the radiation but she wouldn’t do the chemotherapy. And that was what she was comfortable with. And you know, I supported her because I want her to do what she’s comfortable with, and so.

Sharise Parviz: 22:18

But the doctors were dead set against her not doing chemotherapy and they pushed and pushed and pushed and she pushed back and they kept pushing and they kept pushing to the point where they, you know, threatened to not take care of her anymore, threatened to not, you know, not to help her, that she would have to find another doctor. Well, eventually I, you know, told my sister, it’s okay, you know we can find someone else, because if a doctor can’t respect your what you want, then is that really a doctor that you want? It’s okay, we’ll find someone else. Well, they ended up backpedaling and not pushing on the chemotherapy. They just said you, you know, maybe we can discuss this after radiation. And my sister was like that’s fine. So she went through the radiation and all that and right now she’s doing very well

Sharise Parviz: 23:05

But the point is is that why should she have to be pushed back on? Why can’t she make a decision as the patient? She did the research. This is what she’s comfortable with. Should that not be respected by the doctors? And my thinking is yes, it should. So why would? You might want to interview your doctor Because you want to know that your doctor is looking at every aspect of your well-being, of your health. So this is what I would do if I were you, because I would want my own autonomy as a patient. I do want my own autonomy as a patient. I did with my husband, you know. I want to have the information and be able to make my decisions, and I want a doctor that’s going to see me as a whole person. So what I would do is.

Sharise Parviz: 23:52

I would come up with four or five questions, asking them you know, asking them whatever you think is important in your situation, but asking you know how would they approach if you’re having, if your problem is, you know, something that you’re, something, a pain or an emotion that you’re holding, put it in your own words, I’m just giving you ideas. You know how would you, if it’s something that’s in your relationships, would they address that kind of thing? Would they, you know, would you address my diet? Would you address, you know, how do you treat? Or just ask, very simply, how do you approach treatment with a patient? And if they just kind of go in one direction you know only the physical side or the emotional side and they don’t kind of talk about both then ask them about the other side. Well, would you also consider, you know, that I might have trauma in my life. Would you also consider that?

Sharise Parviz: 24:42

So come up with four or five questions that you feel comfortable asking that would help you to know that they would see you as a whole person, a full person that would be looked at as an emotional side and the physical side, that kind of that would look at you wholly as a person and that is what you would want to do, because, in order to have complete and full healing, all aspects of you have to be looked at your relationships, your social environment, everything about your life, everything about your life, everything about your thinking, everything about the way you live your lifestyle. All of that is important. There’s not one aspect that is not important and an influence on your health. So, again, come up with four or five questions, whatever you feel you want to know that they would see you as a whole person, thinking about your inner world and thinking about your outer world, and ask them how they would approach it. And put it in your own words the other thing is listen to them. Not just listen to them for the answers of these questions, but listen to them when they’re answering you. Are they looking at you? Are they hearing you? Are they giving you eye contact? Are they present with you? Listen to the words they use. Are they using words like we want to get to the root cause or are they just, you know, want to work the symptoms? The other thing is are they denying your symptoms altogether?

Sharise Parviz: 26:18

Because many practitioners will say, well, we need to work on your emotional life and if a client comes in suffering from a physical symptom, many practitioners I know you know this has happened, I’ve seen this happen won’t do anything to help comfort their client because they feel that’s interfering with the body’s process, healing process. And so they figure we’ll work off the emotions and the emotions will restore the body. We won’t interfere by treating the body at all and I’m not sure that’s always the right way to go. For some people they can, you know, push through the symptoms and get through the root problem and then the symptoms. Way to go. For some people they can, you know, push through the symptoms and get through the root problem and then the symptoms will go away. For others that’s too difficult. The pain, the symptoms are too difficult to handle. They can’t do the inner work to get well. So it may not be an option for some people to push through it and some natural, you know, healing remedies that would work on the symptoms while working on the root cause.

Sharise Parviz: 27:23

There’s nothing wrong In my opinion as in my practice. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t want my clients to suffer. I’m not going to have them suffer if I can help it. So if someone comes in with a symptom that I can give, say, an herbal remedy or a natural remedy, not something that’s going to interfere with their body, but support their body while we’re also doing the deeper healing. Why wouldn’t I want to do that? So that’s something.

Sharise Parviz: 27:48

Again, you might want to ask your practitioner and again I would say you could interview your practitioner, whether it’s in the holistic health field or it’s in the allopathic field. Why not? Why not? Remember, you are an independent human being. You know they’re not the boss of you. They are working for you. Just like our politicians work for us, so do our doctors, so do our practitioners. They work for us. So why wouldn’t we want to interview them? If we were hiring practitioners? They work for us, so why wouldn’t we want to interview them? If we were hiring anybody else to work for us, we’d interview them. Well, don’t give any practitioner a higher status than what they deserve. Yes, they may have done the education, yes, they may know the practice, and yet they’re not.

Sharise Parviz: 28:34

As I’ve always said, I’m going to say again and again and again they’re not the expert of you. You are hiring them, so interview them. Make sure that they’re people you want to work with, make sure that their approach is something you’re comfortable with and make sure they see you as a whole person and if you’re in pain and if you’re suffering, make sure they don’t ignore that. These would be the things that I would do. So again, come up four to five questions okay, think of them, take some time of how you want to be seen. You want your emotional life seen. You want your physical life seen. How you want to be seen in your healing journey and how that treatment would look. What it would look like. What would that treatment look like? And listen and observe and feel comfortable with them. And if you don’t feel comfortable with them, find someone else. So I hope I’ve made it clear as why you might want to interview your doctor.

Sharise Parviz: 29:32

Remember you have all the power. The patient has all the power here because you are the one hiring. They’re working for you. Keep that in mind. Remember your power always and forever. All right, that’s it. I’m out of here. I’ve got to go pass out some literature. Have a great rest of the day. Start thinking of your sentences, you know, and even if you don’t need it now, you might want to start thinking about this because at some point you might Maybe not, but at some point you might need to seek out a practitioner and if that happens, you have your questions in hand. All right, be well In health, God bless. Goodbye.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:00

Welcome to Burn the Boats Baby. I’m Sharise Parviz. Today I wanted to talk to you about, well, whether you’re spinning your wheels stuck in a rut. Do you know what actually makes you happy? Do you know what brings you joy in your life, what makes you laugh, what brings you more fun and excitement, more peace, more love? Do you know? Or could you possibly just be spinning your wheels in a rut, thinking that what made you happy in the past still makes you happy now? Or, if it doesn’t, you think it should, so you’re sticking with it? And how do you determine what makes you happy anyway? Maybe you don’t even know. Well, these are the things we’re going to talk about today, but first I want to give you a little update. So I am entering. I think this is my second week. I’m not really keeping track of the day’s dates. Yeah, I think this is my second week of my at-home retreat. Things are going really well. I think the last time I chatted with you I think this is my second week of my at-home retreat Things are going really well. I think the last time I chatted with you, I had told you that Miss Little Little Miss Perfect, came to visit me and we had a little chat. Well, we worked things out. We sure did, and we spent a couple of hours, as I mentioned, on some of the projects that we wanted to work on, and then we called it a day and actually she hasn’t visited again. We’re not even anywhere complete on those projects, but I think I calmed her down, we worked it out, she’s a little more secure, feeling a little more safe, and so we’ll come back to it when the time is right, which isn’t really right now.Sharise Parviz: 1:42

Right now, I’m just really trying to enjoy my time away while staying in with my at-home retreat, and I don’t know if you can tell, but I can speak a lot better now. I’m still a little nasally, but, man, it’s really cleared up. I was sneezing all night long. I mean, this is like last week eyes watering, all these you know issues and now it’s like, oh, I feel so much better. So I still have a little stuff coming up, you know, some junk coming out of my throat, and a lot of that is really what I’d mentioned also last time I spoke was I believe it was last time we chatted detoxing right and getting rid of stuff, and when things are coming out of our body, they come out through all the ways they come out. You know all the ways we excrete stuff out of our body through our nasal passages, and so right now, even though my nose is clear, my throat’s kind of got a lot of gunk in it.

Sharise Parviz: 2:39

I know, isn’t this fun to learn this and do all this, but these are the things. If you decide to go, or if you have you’ve experienced this, or if you decide to go and you’re never really done a full cleanse, and then these are just experiences I’m sharing. So you go oh, what is this? And so you don’t get freaked out, thinking something’s wrong with you. When you start to have experiences, die off reactions which are just completely normal, and you just baby yourself and give yourself some time and some rest.

Sharise Parviz: 3:10

So this morning I felt really good. Well, actually, that’s a lie, I didn’t. When I first got up this morning, I had a really terrible headache and I thought, oh my gosh, it was just a real pressure headache and I was like, oh, I think I might have to go back to bed. I said, well, wait, let me just drink some water. And lo and behold, I had 16 ounces of my lemon water, which I do every morning and like within five minutes, my headache was gone, so I was just dehydrated.

Sharise Parviz: 3:35

You know, it’s funny, the things you think about. You think that, oh my gosh, what am I going to do? And then you go. It’s the simplest things that solve the problem, right? You know, we overcomplicate things a little too much sometimes. Well, okay, maybe I, maybe you don’t. I tend to overcomplicate things and have to go. You know what’s, what’s the simple answer here, Sharise, because usually the simple answer yeah, you know what that’s usually the correct one. That’s usually the, the one you want to follow is the simplest answer. If it’s not, at least try the simplest answer first, the simplest solution, try that first. More than likely that’s going to be the answer, and if it’s not, okay, but at least try it first.

Sharise Parviz: 4:15

Anyway, so that is my update. Feeling good, my headache is gone, a little bit of gunk in my throat, but other than that I have a lot of energy, been feeling really good. The weight loss has slowed down, excuse me. So I think I’ve lost another two pounds. So I guess it has. Well, I was losing like, I think, like a pound a day, so it’s kind of died down. I think I lost two pounds this past week. Lord, I need to keep track of my days. I am keeping it track in my journal, but it’s just not in my brain. So anyway, um, anyway. So that’s fine, you know. The thing is it’s steadily coming off and I guess I lost all the water weight I needed to lose, I’m sure you know, and so there might be still some more. But but mostly it’s steadily coming off and I’m seeing a reduction in inflammation all over my body, just a swelling and inflammation. My face is slimmer, my tummy is flatter, my abs are showing again, my muscles, my arms have slimmed down. You know, even all of that has slimmed down because I’m releasing and reducing the inflammation in my body. So yay for that. So all is well, and that is it for my update on my at-home retreat. It is cold this morning, we are walking on our path and, oh my gosh, it’s like fall. I’m loving it. All right.

Sharise Parviz: 5:38

So let’s get to today’s topic. Are you in a rut, and do you even know what it is that makes you happy? Are you just spinning your wheels on what used to make you happy or what you think should still make you happy? And how would you know what makes you happy anyway. So when I talk about happiness, let me preface that Happiness to me.

Sharise Parviz: 6:01

I like to use the word more joy than happy, because happy to me is a more of a fleeting emotion. Right, oh, that makes me so happy. Right, let’s go and do something fun. Oh, that was happy, you know. But it’s a happy face, it’s an emoji, and you can have happy times, which are wonderful, but to me, again, happiness just seems fleeting, it’s a conditional feeling. You know, something was fun, something made you happy, and then it’s gone, right, but joy is really what I want to talk about.

Sharise Parviz: 6:35

You know, I use the word happy, but the truth is it’s really joy, something that really that, even through the tough times, it’s that thing that just makes you go. Oh, that, even through the tough times, it’s that thing that just makes you go. Oh, I don’t know that makes me go. Oh, because sometimes words don’t express the joy that I feel in doing what I’m doing. Right, and so happy, fleeting. You know, it’s great to feel happy, right, when you lose those few pounds, like, oh, I feel happy when you would lose the joint pain in your knees. Oh, I feel happy when you have, you know, completed some goal or some intention.

Sharise Parviz: 7:10

There’s a moment of happiness, and then it usually fades and then you’re back to the grind again. But what, if really, we can seek for joy that is always there underneath, always there ready to just express itself in your life, right? So even through the difficult times, even through the not so happy times, there’s always that joy that’s in our heart. So how do we discover what it is that brings us joy? So how do we discover what it is that brings us joy, not just happy, fleeting emotion, but deep down joy, though, again, fleeting moments of happiness are good too, there’s nothing wrong with that. So what is it? What is it? How do you know? Well, I can tell you from my own experience.

Sharise Parviz: 8:10

When I left, closed down my performing arts school, I was not in a place of happiness and certainly no joy. I was in a place of just burnout. I was sick. I was hospitalized because I hadn’t. The stress in my body was just overwhelming. And I remember that there was a time when I was really, really happy in my studio. About the first three, four years it was a blast, right, but towards the end I just hated it. No, I loved the kids, don’t get me wrong. I mean, that’s what kept me hanging in so long, even though you know, for eight, almost nine years, kept me hanging in so long, even though you know, for eight, almost nine years hanging on so long onto the studios because I adored the kids and they did bring me joy. But honestly, the misery of my studio was just, it was awful and it was overwhelming and I knew it was time to leave.

Sharise Parviz: 9:01

So when I left right and as you know, we, if you’ve been listening to these episodes you know we closed down my school during COVID and then we moved to almost across the you know the states, across the nation. We went to Arkansas, not quite across, but a little more than center, a little more east than center from California. So it’s a huge adjustment and change. So we got to, we stayed in an apartment for a year and it was like a blank slate, right. I did have some feelings of anxiety, of just trying to come to. I couldn’t even think about the studio because of any time I thought about it I would get anxious. So but that was a side you know, I was no longer doing that. So I thought to myself what do I do now? I mean, I literally do not know what to do. I hadn’t been dancing for a long time, even though I was teaching dance, but that’s very different than actually dancing yourself. You know, I wasn’t really, I hadn’t. It’s just I didn’t know what made me happy anymore and I certainly didn’t know what brought me joy.

Sharise Parviz: 10:09

And my husband and I, you know, we recommitted our relationship and you know, while that was a joyful moment, there was still not a lot of. There was still some unpleasant, unhappy times because we were healing. We were healing from 20 years of a broken marriage. So you know, it didn’t like just woo, everything’s great overnight. We knew we made a joyful decision, but it always didn’t feel happy. It didn’t always feel happy because we were still working through some pain. We were healing, and healing, you know, just like detoxing on a at-home retreat, isn’t always pleasant. You get headaches, you know. You feel sick to your stomach, you feel tired, right. There are things that are just not happy moments. There are some, but they’re not all, when you’re in the process of healing. And so we in our marriage were in the process of healing. So not all the times were great, though I knew in the end it would be right that we’d get through it. So there was joy there, but certainly not a lot of happiness, not all the time, though there were some times because we were almost like newlyweds in a way.

Sharise Parviz: 11:17

You know, we didn’t have any kids anymore. Our kids were grown. We had them you always have kids but they were grown. And we kind of did everything backwards because when we got married, I already had two kids from a previous marriage, right, two children and Michael, and then we have the one together. But Michael, you know, took us all in, I mean, and he, you know, of course they, they have their father, but Michael really, you know, helped raise them and really loved them like like their own. So all three of our kiddos, he loved them equally. So he, you know, we kind of did everything backwards in the sense.

Sharise Parviz: 11:51

And then, so now when they were gone, well, we had a whole new start, right, and it’s like, well, what do we do? Where do we go from here? So, so there was a lot of happy moments too, because we were kind of just discovering not only our new life together but discovering each other and going on dates and doing like single, you know, dating couples, what they do before kids, right, and hopefully you know we didn’t, but hopefully you will. If you’re in that condition, let me just tell you don’t stop date nights. Make sure you go on date nights. Okay, that’s one thing that we didn’t do. We didn’t make time for our relationship and um, and it suffered for it, right, but that was then. This is now. So we get here to our new state and everything’s blank slate. Where do we start?

Sharise Parviz: 12:42

I have no idea what I like. I have no idea what I enjoy. I have no idea what I want to do and I don’t mean do as a career. I mean, I wasn’t even thinking that far down the road, I was not even thinking. I couldn’t even think about that. Well, I’ll talk about that another day but I couldn’t even think about what the future might look like. I just didn’t know what it was that I wanted to do. Now, like just in the moment, what really brought me joy. I had to discover that myself again and I thought, okay, well, how do I do this? Well, I’ll tell you a couple of things that I did.

Sharise Parviz: 13:14

The first thing I did is that, even though it was very difficult for me to discover what it is that I like, doing what it is that made me happy, what it was that brings me joy and fun and laughter and silliness. I couldn’t really figure that out right away, so I did the process of elimination. You remember that in school, right? What’s the process of elimination? And sometimes it’s a lot easier to find the things you don’t like than what you do, but it’s a great starting point. So I made a list. I made a list and I thought what are the things I don’t like? And I mean I made a list on everything the kind of food I didn’t like, the kind of clothes I didn’t like, the kind of music I didn’t like, which I like, all music. So that was kind of hard. But the kind of books I didn’t like, the kind of everything I mean, all the way down to the most mundane thing in my life, to extraordinary things in my life.

Sharise Parviz: 14:03

What is it that you know that made a big impact in my life, what are the things I don’t like? And I listen, what kind of flowers don’t I like? I mean anything. And really what I’m doing is just was. I was building an awareness for myself. I was building an awareness to who I was and what it is I liked and didn’t like.

Sharise Parviz: 14:24

So we started with what I didn’t like. I was getting to know myself and I just made a list and I just added to that list, like I literally would put a piece of paper on the table, like on the kitchen counters where it was, and when something just kind of crossed my mind or something, I did something or came across something or I thought of something, I just jotted it down. What makes me unhappy, what I don’t like, list, and I just marked it all down. So I thought, well, okay, that’s a starting point. So now I know what I don’t like. Hmm, all right, so now what do I like? What does make me happy?

Sharise Parviz: 15:04

So once I felt complete in that and it took me a few days, if I remember correctly, to write all that down, it may take you not that long, but once you feel it, you know and you feel complete, you’re like, hey, I got it and you don’t have to give that list away, keep it going. You can still keep it on the side because other things may come up. But once you feel that right now, in that moment you’re complete, you’ve gotten all the stuff you don’t like out of you and you may end up just going on a rant and, just like I know everything I don’t like and you may vomit all over the page. That’s okay too. Keep that page, but just set it aside for a moment. Okay, get all of that out of you and set it aside and then make a new page what does make me happy, and then maybe, like I still don’t know. That’s okay.

Sharise Parviz: 15:49

So here’s what you do. You just start to observe yourself during the day and when something that you like, that you do, or something that you hear, or something that you experience puts a smile on your face, you know, makes you laugh, you think, oh, this is fun, I like this. Write it down. That’s your happy list, your joy list, right, and you do that throughout the day. You know, just go through your day on a regular day and just jotting down the things that you enjoy, you know, as you enjoy, oh, ask yourself, did I like doing that or did I not like doing that? Which list does it need to go on? And if you like doing it, put it down on your like list, right? So I guess you could have a dislike list and a like list, okay. So, as you’re doing that and again, keep those lists going and you can keep those lists going indefinitely, just to become more aware as you experience more things and bring more awareness up. You can just continue those lists. Oh, I’m getting out of breath.

Sharise Parviz: 16:58

It was a big, strong, fast walk. So you get that list down and you look at it and look at your likes list and you look at it and you think, well, what? You could even go deeper. What about this made me like it? What about it? What did it give me? Did it give me a sense of freedom? Did it give me a sense of joy or laughter or silliness? Did I feel like myself in this? Did I feel close to someone right? Was it a walk with a friend? Was it a hug? What was it that? That? What did it give me right? Now, how can I add more of that into my life? So, once you’ve figured out your dislikes, you don’t have to start there. If you could go with your likes, go there Either way. We could have your dislike list and your like list.Sharise Parviz: 17:52

Once you have your like list, ask yourself what about it?

Sharise Parviz: 17:55

Did you like?

Sharise Parviz: 17:57

What did it give you? How did it make you feel Right? And then, once you have that, ask yourself now, how can I add this more into my life? Now let’s jump a bit and make this even deeper, because you could say, well, I like drinking, I like alcohol. I don’t know if I want to add more alcohol in my life. Really, I mean, it’s fun, I have happy. You know it brings me some joy in the moment. Um, or maybe you know I really like that chocolate cake, or you know I really like smoking that cigarette, whatever it is Right. So there are some things that you may like, but you really know you don’t want more of you in your life. How do you determine that? Okay, so let’s go back.

Sharise Parviz: 18:44

Let’s recap. We got our dislike list. We have our like list. In our like list, we’ve said what it is about it, that you liked about it. Okay, how can you add more of that in your life?

Sharise Parviz: 18:57

Then you could take that like list and go but what are these things that I know? Even though I like them, I know they’re not good for me. Well then, what we need to do is find out again. You asked yourself what is it about these things on the list? What do they give you? Does smoking a cigarette give you a sense of? I’m not saying you do. I’m just saying, if that’s an example, does that give you a sense of comfort and relaxation? Maybe it’s a sense of connection to yourself and some time away. So really, it’s not the cigarette that’s giving you joy and happiness, it’s the time away, it’s the time to rest, it’s a time to sit, whatever it gives you. Once you realize and determine what it is that that thing gives you, then you can look for something that can substitute for the cigarette, or the chocolate cake or the glass of wine or whatever. It is okay If that is something you want to remove from your life.

Sharise Parviz: 20:04

Now here are a couple of things that you can ask yourself when determining whether something you like is a good vehicle. I’m going to call it a vehicle. Something that you enjoy doing, that brings you a sense of happiness or joy, is a thing that you really want to continue. Continue or if you need to find a substitute. There are questions to ask yourself Is what I’m doing good for me? Does it feel good? Do I know it’s good for me? Second question Is what I’m doing good for others, your family, your friends, your people that you’re close to, the people that matter to you, your circle, your smaller, tighter, intimate circle of influence your spouse, obviously, right. And then, third, does it serve the greater good? Does doing this thing that brings me some comfort, some happiness? Does it serve the greater good? And whatever that greater good is to you? It could be the greater good in your church, the greater good of your community and your neighborhood, right? So does it serve me, does it feel good and is it good for me? Second question does it serve others, your immediate, others around you? And third, does it serve the greater good? And again, that’s whatever your greater good is to you. Now here is something to consider.

Sharise Parviz: 21:42

Many things that are good for us don’t feel good in the moment and they just don’t right. For instance, let’s say I want to get out of debt. Okay, maybe that’s something right. What makes me happy? Being debt free, that that brings a lot of joy, okay, not having you know anybody to owe no credit card payments, all that that brings me a lot of joy, right. So, but cutting my expenses, cutting up my credit cards, cutting my expenses right. That stuff doesn’t feel good in the immediate.

Sharise Parviz: 22:20

So when you ask yourself does this feel good, is this good for me? Well, you may say it doesn’t really feel good. But is it good for me? Well, yeah, actually it is. It will be in the future. It’ll be very good for me, right, it’s good for me now because I’m taking back control over my life and it’s going to feel good in the future and be good for me in the future.

Sharise Parviz: 22:41

So not all things that will bring us happiness and joy is immediate gratification. Sometimes it’s delayed, but if you know, yeah, it’s delayed, but, boy, it’s going to feel better than what I have right now, then that’s, that’s how you know it’s the right thing to do, right For you. That’s what’s going to bring you the most joy. So it may not be immediate satisfaction, immediate pleasure, but you know it will be in the future. Then is it good for others? How will others benefit from the decision you make? Right, if you say I really I want, I’m happy, I want to have joy.

Sharise Parviz: 23:16

And one thing that brings me happiness and joy is, I don’t know, watching a comedy. Okay, is that? Does that feel good? Yeah, it feels good. Is that good for you? Yeah, cause it makes me feel happy, it takes my stress away. Great. How does it serve others? Well, when I, when I have joy and I’m light and I have the stress lifted off of me. I’m a better mom. I’m a better wife, I’m a better spouse. I’m a better, I’m a better. Everything I can approach my life with with smile and friendliness I can. When I see people on the street, you know, like if I go into the coffee shop or the grocery store and I have that lightness in my heart, well, I can pass that lightness on. I can pass that, that kindness, I can pass that kindness, that joy and that fun on Great. So it’s good for others and it sounds like it’s also for the greater good, Because when you are not only affecting your family by being fun and joyful, but you’re also affecting others, silly comedy show that you may watch can make you happy and give you joy because it A it serves you, it serves others and it serves the greater good.

Sharise Parviz: 24:27

So when you have those things in place, then guess what? You’re on the road to finding what makes you happy. You’re on the road of what brings you joy and you can get out of the rut. Now let’s say there’s things that you don’t like doing, but you know you have a responsibility to do it. So the next question is so you’ve got your like list. You got your dislike list. You’ve you found out in your like list what it is that you like and what does it give you right?

Sharise Parviz: 24:58

Comfort, peace, joy, laughter, whatever you know makes you feel good. What it is that you like and what does it give you right? Comfort, peace, joy, laughter, whatever you know makes you feel good, makes you feel free. Uh, puts you in a state of flow. Right, maybe you like to dance, I like to dance. It puts me in a state of flow. Maybe you like music or art, whatever. What does it give you that you like? Right, what do you want more of? How can you bring more of that into your life?

Sharise Parviz: 25:19

And if there are things that you know that bring you that immediate happiness, that immediate gratification, but you know aren’t good for you, ask yourself those questions, right, is it good for me, does it feel good? And is it good for me, is it good for others? And does it serve the greater good? If what you’re doing doesn’t find a substitute, something that provides for you that same level of comfort or whatever that you get, whatever the reward that you get from doing the thing that isn’t so good for you, I think that you follow along with that right Now. That could take time and that’s okay, right.

Sharise Parviz: 25:59

Again, this is all about self-awareness and coming into your own and figuring yourself out. So, but what if you have things on your list, on your do not like list? You can’t just give them away, right? Then you ask yourself, all right, so there are some things I’m going to do. I can’t just walk away, right, because there, because maybe it’s your family, you love your family, they bring you joy, but, boy, it’s not always happy times. So how can you? Or your job? I’ll give you a personal experience in just a minute. But whatever that is that, you know that you still, it’s a responsibility you have, but you really don’t enjoy it. So what can you do? Well, take something from that like list and add to something you don’t like.

Sharise Parviz: 26:49

So here’s an example when we had a dog, our little doggy um, we had a little shih tzu yapper dog when we came out here to um, came out here to arkansas, and we got it. Later on, after our beautiful great dane passed, we got this little one and she was just, she was a. We saved her. Right, she was a humane society and she was. She was pretty damaged, poor baby. She was really abused and she never quite quite got got over it. She still had a lot of anxiety and even even though we tried, but anyway, towards the end she was pretty old when we, when we we put her down, you know, because she couldn’t see anymore, she couldn’t hear anymore, she couldn’t hold her bladder anymore and she just wasn’t in a good shape. So we felt the most merciful thing to do was put her down. So we did.

Sharise Parviz: 27:45

But anyway, when I had her, I used to just hate taking her for walks. Just, oh, okay, right, I just hated it, right. This is before. Now I have my property and I love walking now, but, and now I walk my cat and my dog. But I used to just have to get up and put the leash on and she never liked the leash. So it was kind of a little bit of a battle because she would yap at me and and snap at me. I’m like no, no, we need to go for a walk, baby, you know. And then I take her for a walk. She’d enjoy the walk, but it was just like it was a struggle. Okay, until again we talk about simple solutions.

Sharise Parviz: 28:18

I went to my like list and I went well, what do I like? What can I add here? Well, I love listening to audio books. I love listening to podcasts, right, Like you’re doing right now. Oh, okay, I feel pretty stupid saying this because you probably already know the answer Duh Sharise why don’t you just listen to a podcast on your walk? Oh, like, oh yeah, so I started doing that. Or an audio book, right, I started. Or even music, cause I love music. Music was my savior growing up and music’s my oh. That’s. What drives me is music. But whatever it was podcast, audio book or some music Now, that time of walking my dog, that was enjoyable.

Sharise Parviz: 29:01

Now I looked forward to it. Got to go for a walk now, julia. Julia got to go for a walk. Come on, let’s get out, let’s go for a walk now, julia. Julia got to go for a walk. Come on, let’s get out, let’s go for a walk. I need to get out of the house and go listen to something You’re right. Now it became fun. Now it became a happy time for me.

Sharise Parviz: 29:21

So if for you, you find something that you know you want to do, you know down deep, it is something you want to do, but a lot of times it’s just not happy. I mean, there’s a lot of things in life we love doing, but we don’t always love every minute of it. Okay, how can you make it fun? How can you bring it joy? How can you bring more of what you like on your like list to the thing that you don’t like doing? Cleaning house when the kids were little, trying to get them to do their chores oh my Lord. Cleaning house when the kids were little, trying to get them to do their chores oh my lord. It’s like pulling teeth. So I would make a challenge out of it all. Right, I’d put the timer on, let’s see who can get done before the timer goes off, and we had fun right. Or put on some music and or dance around the house or whatever, while you’re doing chores. Now you’re taking something that’s enjoyable and fun and adding to that which isn’t enjoyable and fun.

Sharise Parviz: 30:10

So, going back to my own experience, let’s say with my studio, the first four years three or four years of being at my studio, I loved. I was doing all the things I love, doing all the things that brought me happiness, all the things that brought me joy. I was, I was dancing, I was still dancing, made time to dance, all the things that brought me joy. I was, I was dancing, I was still dancing, made time to dance, I was creating, right, whether it was choreography or it was my classes, I was teaching and I was uplifting kids and I was seeing their confidence. I mean, some of these kids would come in so shy and I would see their confidence levels just rise and I had so much joy doing that rise and I had so much joy doing that and I just felt, oh, you know, just every day, blessed by that experience. And then about I’m going to cry and I’m sorry but I guess it’s just. It was so meaningful to me that time.

Sharise Parviz: 31:03

But around year four or five, but around year four or five, I was told I actually had to start running a business. Okay, meaning what I was doing was is it going to be a hobby? If not, we’re losing money. I don’t mean my husband, anything. This was like people. You know, you listen to all the all the experts, right, yeah, okay. And then all the experts saying, well, how do you? Now? You need to start making money. Now you need to start blah, blah, blah. Now you need to start thinking about your competition, and on and on, and on, and on, and on and on

Sharise Parviz: 31:31

And then my entire mindset changed. Now I was like I mean, I still loved my kids and I still love my classes and all of that. But now it was like now I was on the treadmill Boy, I had to, I had to be better, I had to be better, I had to be better, I had to make, I had to make sure I made money, I had to make sure we had to cover all the bills, which of course you do, but I had to make sure we did that. I had to make sure we had all this. And then I spent most of the time I think I mentioned you working 18 hours a day, seven days a week, and not just on my classes. Once my, you know, after the first few years, your classes are pretty set. You may add in things, because I’m always adding in things, because I love learning new things and I bring that to my students, just like I do with my clients and what have you, and hopefully what I will be bringing to more of you here.

Sharise Parviz: 32:14

But my time, what consumed me was I have to run a business, I have to run a business. And then, because I was consumed with that. Because I was consumed with that, all the joy that I had in my studio was gone. I mean, I still loved being there with the kids and when I let myself be in, you know, in the present moment, when I was teaching my classes, it was just like everything just dropped for me. My shoulders dropped down to my knees because they were, you know, raised up high to the sky. They were so tense and I felt that this was where I belong at that moment. But that moment was an hour. You know what I mean. It was a class, but the business was all the time and I was miserable.

Sharise Parviz: 33:00

And that’s why I said, when I finally, when COVID hit and I’m like you know, I need to use this time and I decided that I wasn’t going to reopen the studio, the school, because it brought me too much anxiety and it was no longer fun, it was no longer enjoyable and it was so hard because I loved my kids, I mean, and I loved my parents. You know I did. I mean I was just blessed to have great kids and great parents and even the adults I taught. I mean I loved them all but I couldn’t handle the 90%. I wish that could have said that was 90% of my day, but it wasn’t. 90% of my time was spent on running the business. Oh, I couldn’t go back to that. When I became wiser which I am I will continue to grow in wise I’m not all wise, but I am wiser than I was.

Sharise Parviz: 33:51

Then, if I knew, if I had really just said, okay, what is it that I don’t like about my running my school? It would have been the business portion. And then maybe, what could I have done differently to? What could I have done differently to eliminate the things that I don’t like while still keeping what I love? Well, simply, I could have possibly hired someone. You know, I knew I was a little broke at the time, right. So, cause again, I was still trying to build a business, but there would have been ways I could have done it through bartering or free classes or whatever.

Sharise Parviz: 34:32

But I never even looked into that, partly because I felt like, well, I have to do it all myself, right, it was kind of like I have to do it. Or maybe because I had to prove something to myself, or it was just I was a control freak, quite honestly, and I didn’t want to give up the reins, but I made myself miserable and maybe if I’d made that adjustment, if I made one adjustment to something I didn’t like, then the process, the whole thing, would have been enjoyable again. So that’s another thing. If there is something that you don’t like but you know you don’t like, but you know I do want to do it, but I don’t like this aspect of it what can you do to make it more enjoyable Again? It could be as simple as walking the dog and putting in earphones, or it could be something like delegating to somebody else the portion you don’t like or the portion you’re not good at, and only doing what you want.

Sharise Parviz: 35:25

I gave you a lot of stuff to think about. Hopefully it all made sense. Now, in the end, I look back. When I came here, now that I am wiser, I don’t think the studio was where I wanted to stay anyway, because now that I am wiser, I know that I would run it differently now and the first thing I would do is get help. But I don’t really have that calling on my heart to open up another performing arts school. I mean, sometimes I miss the babies and their tutus and tap shoes, I have to admit or their little costumes and acting class, I mean, and you know, showcase time, recital time, those are fun times seeing the babies like that, but not enough. It’s not enough to start it over again. So, and that’s what I moved into what I’m doing now, which is coaching and and in health and wellness and life and relationships and energy healing and all that. So a lot of stuff I gave you today.

Sharise Parviz: 36:24

This is a longer podcast than normal, but, again, how do you know? How do you get out of your rut? How do you get out of your rut and find the things that bring you happiness and joy you do like? Why do you like them? What do they give you? What do they give you? Then, once you have those things that you like and what they give you and you want to add more into your life, determine which of these things are things you need to find substitutions for by asking the three questions Is it good for me, or will it be good for me, and will it feel good to me? Is it good for others and does it serve the greater good? If you can say yes to all those things, then that may be something you want to keep, if you have something on your dislike list. But you know you want to keep doing it. You just dislike some portions of it. How can you take things from your like list and add them to the dislike list? Hmm, I know that’s a lot to think about, but you’ve got this podcast. Rewind it, take notes and I’ll put the transcript. I’m trying to find a better transcription service, because the one I currently have is really bad, although it could have been because of my cold and now that I can speak a little clearer now, maybe it can pick up more of my voice.

Sharise Parviz: 37:51

Anyway, so get out of your rut. Find what brings you joy, find what brings you happiness, find what makes you laugh and fills your life. It is, life is too short to live it sitting in a rut, spinning your wheels. Don’t do it. Don’t do it to yourself, don’t do it to your family. Remember, this is be a leading lady, and a leading lady leads herself first and then is able to influence and lead others through her love and through her influence and through her joy. And you could be the influence. Well, you will be the influence. Let’s be honest, we all will. Whether we believe it or not, we will influence generations that come after us, how do we want to influence them? And that all begins with what you do right now for yourself. What you decide for yourself will start the chain reaction. So make your list dislike like list and then see how you can bring that like, those likes more into your life. All right, that is it.

Sharise Parviz: 38:59

This podcast was long, but have a beautiful day, have a wonderful day. Feel free to reach out at my website, at my website, at contact, at shariseparviz.com Again, this should be on Spotify by now. I think so. If it’s not, it will be. It just means we had some technical difficulties which we’re still working out. But anyway, have a beautiful day and I look forward. Share me, share your likes, share your likes with me. I look forward to hearing about it. All right, be well, bye-bye.

Meet Little Miss Perfect, my worry-ridden inner critic!

In a creative twist, explore how assigning personas to overwhelming emotions can transform your relationship with them. I’ll guide you through visualizing emotions as characters, providing a novel perspective that fosters understanding and detachment. By imagining emotions as personas with distinct voices and features, we learn to appreciate their protective roles while gently setting them aside to make space for joy and creativity. This episode offers listeners a fresh approach to personal growth, underscoring the importance of gratitude towards emotions that once served us, and inviting newfound positivity into your life.

Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:00

Well, today Little Miss Perfect came for a visit. Hi, this is Sharisse Parviz and you’re listening to Burn the Boats, baby. And today I wanted to talk to you about a chat I had. So it all started last night. Last night I was working on my website and realized for some reason it was really working slow. Like all the pages were loading super slow. It was just pausing and then I realized that links on some of my pages weren’t working and then when I tried to load up an episode of Burn the Boats, I couldn’t get the sound to work. So I was having all these issues yesterday with my website and then, on top of that, I was checking out, trying to get on Spotify. I started okay, we’ll start linking or loading these episodes onto Spotify, and I created the graphic, which I had already created. But when I looked at it on Spotify, I said, wow, you know, the little box is so small. It just looks really, really crowded. That’s not going to work. So I realized that I had to update or change the graphic for Spotify. All right, so all these things, and I’m just kind of going right.

Sharise Parviz: 1:17

So I asked my husband. I said you know, but why is it loading so slow. I get that the links maybe need to be fixed or whatever, whatever. But why is it working so slow? And at first we were thinking, well, maybe it was because we just changed over to a new hosting company. My husband actually owned a hosting company for quite a few years and hosted our websites on that, but he closed that company down and then we moved to a new hosting company. That company down, and then we moved to a new hosting company and it was just, uh, transferred, oh, I guess last week, but yet it was still really slow.

Sharise Parviz: 1:54

And so he went in and did some research and looked at it and blah, blah, blah. And then, um, he went, oh, your theme is outdated. And I said, well, didn’t just update it. He says no, no, no, no, I can’t update it. I said why? And I said, well, didn’t just update it. He says no, no, no, no, I can’t update it. I said why? He said because, um, he said because it’s expired or whoever created? We do WordPress, just a simple WordPress theme, nothing big. And, um, that is whoever created, whatever the slider on it, for whatever reason, it’s no longer, you can’t update it, it’s just expired. And that’s why your website is so slow because your sliders won’t upload. It’s slowing everything down. I’m like, okay.

Sharise Parviz: 2:32

So I realized that I need to go in and create, choose a new theme and recreate my website, and I’m hoping everything will carry over. But I think there’s going to be some things that were unique to this theme that I’m going to have to recreate in another theme. So I got to go find a theme, okay. So there was that issue and then, as I said, there was the issue that my podcast, the, for whatever reason, the sound of my podcast episode wouldn’t work. And then I have the image of Spotify that I need to change. All right.

Sharise Parviz: 3:03

So, all of that, I decided, you know what? Okay, I’ll go to bed, I’ll think about this tomorrow. So tomorrow comes, that’s today, and Little Miss Perfect comes visiting first thing in the morning. And so who is Little Miss Perfect? Well, little Miss Perfect is the part of me that I shared about earlier on in, I don’t know, episode one or two, and she’s the worrier, she’s the perfectionist, she’s the overthinker, she is the you know, just the task master of me. Okay, and the part that I said, yeah, she’s not going to run me anymore.

Sharise Parviz: 3:42

Well, she came visiting and she didn’t wait to get invited, she just decided to barge right in, and so I thought I would share with you a bit of the conversation that we had. And you might be asking wait, this, is you talk to yourself? And I would say, yes, I talk to myself. I remember there was a meme going around at some point that said something like of course, I talk to myself whenever I need expert advice, right, and something like that, and it’s pretty funny, but the truth is is it’s pretty true too, because everything that we really need to know, like really need to know is inside us.

Sharise Parviz: 4:23

So it is wonderful to gain knowledge, book knowledge, intellectual knowledge and understanding. I mean I love learning. I’ve mentioned that before. Learning is just I love it. All right, I love learning, I love learning about new things, and, and I mean I love reading and studying and it’s it’s wonderful, it’s, it’s it’s just something I truly enjoy doing and gaining an intellectual understanding of why and how and what right.

Sharise Parviz: 4:50

All of that is super fun and super important and really important when we have decisions to make, right, whether it’s a medical decision or whether it’s, I don’t know, it could be just a decision on what college to go to. You know when you’re young, or what house to buy when you’re older, or what state to move to, right, when you’re in your 50s and you’re ready to start off and chart a new path, and your new, you know new second part of life, your new spring. So all of these things you know. You may do the research for you may do the comparisons and intellectualize all of these things so that you have your options and you understand what your options and choices are. And then it comes to the decision making. Then it comes to what do you do with these choices? And that’s when you tap into yourself, because everything that you need you already have inside you.

Sharise Parviz: 5:50

And when I say that to my clients, I go I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know. Yeah, yeah, you do, you do, you really do. In fact, you know better than I do. I don’t know you better than you. You are the expert on you. I can help you tap into that part of you, but the answers really are all inside you and they are.

Sharise Parviz: 6:11

And because when it comes down to making that decision, we have all the information, but when it comes down to making that decision, it’s in our hearts that we make it. It really is. It’s like gut feeling that we have and we can intellectualize. Well, this is pro, you know you can do the whole, you know what’s the pros and cons of a decision. You can do all of that. And even if it just sounds like you know you have everything, it sounds so logical inside. You could go, but something doesn’t feel right. Right, and you know, I’ve learned to listen to that. Yeah, I get it logically, this all makes sense, but I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe I need to sit on this just for a little while longer and pray about it and ask myself the questions and really consider what’s right for me, not just what looks logically, looks correct, but what’s right for me.

Sharise Parviz: 7:10

And because we have those answers inside us, we have everything we need. And where does that answer come from? Well, I believe it comes from God. It comes from the Holy Spirit who dwells inside us. And in order to get into that space where we can hear the truth inside our hearts, inside our spirits, our souls, you know, we have to come out of the place of being highly emotional in, say, a state of fear, state of worry, anxiety or depression or these overwhelming emotions that kind of suck us in and take our way our higher thinking. It certainly takes away our logical thinking, but also takes away just our higher thinking. To be able to tap into what’s intuitive for us, we have to get away from the ego of ourselves and all of those emotions that kind of want to keep a hold of us and really keep us in captivity, and come to a place where we can have equanimity and composure and compassion and therefore a deeper understanding, so that we can hear the voice of God, hear that inner truth that is right for us. So, yes, talking to yourself, asking yourself questions, having a conversation with yourself is absolutely important to do and it can be fun.

Sharise Parviz: 8:37

So I will share with you my conversation I had with Little Miss Perfect. All right, we’re here. We need to get going. The website is a mess. We’re going to spend all day today just working on the website. Everything has got to get perfect, absolutely perfect. We’re going to work on changing out the theme. We must find a new theme. We must rebuild the pages that need to be rebuilt. I say we just do everything. We do no yoga, no dance, no, nothing, but sit here and just put all day’s energy into the website.

Sharise Parviz: 9:13

Well, hello to you there, little Miss Perfect. How are you today? It’s good to see you Listen. Before we go any further, the first thing I want to say to you is thank you. I thank you because I know that you are concerned this morning because you really care about me. I know that you’re concerned because you’re worried about me and you want to protect me and you want anything that we do, we decide to do together, that we do it to the best of our ability, and I really, really appreciate your effort, effort but I’m not sure that we need to spend all day today, a day of our retreat, and spend it all on fixing everything that needs to be fixed.

Sharise Parviz: 9:58

What is it, little Miss Perfect, that you are so concerned of, so worried about? Well, if your website is too slow, no one will come and visit, no one will comment, no one will email you, no one might sign up. Well, now, hold on. Little Miss Perfect, that’s not necessarily true, is it? Because we just got some new clients from our website just a few days ago, and I believe the website was just as slow then and we’ve actually had already had some emails and some comments that came through the website. So is that really true? Well, all right, maybe not, but okay, but we have to get the sound working on your episode, your latest episode on your podcast, on your website. Yeah, yeah, we do, we do.

Sharise Parviz: 10:45

And if the worst things happen, we just postpone. Well, all right. What about Spotify? You want to put this podcast out on Spotify? The graphic is too messy and no one will listen to it. They may not find it. We must fix this and we must fix this now. All right, listen. If, again, the worst thing that could happen, little Miss Perfect, is that we postpone, that’s it. We just postpone. Well then no one might listen. Well, no one might listen anyway. We knew that going into this.

Sharise Parviz: 11:25

So how about this? I’ll propose to you you and I will sit down for two hours today and you can help me decide what two hours of the day we’re going to put into this thing, and we’ll work on the most pressing issues and you can decide what those pressing issues are. Sound good, but the rest of the day you’re going to enjoy yourself with me and we’re going to dance and we’re going to do our yoga and we’re going to do our meditation and we’re going to do some sound healing and we’re going to do some walking and we’re going to do some creative cooking and we’re going to have some fun, lots of fun, and you’re going to love it. So two hours today, you decide when, and the rest of the day we’re going to enjoy ourselves, and then tomorrow we’ll reevaluate. How’s that sound? Well, all right, I’m not pleased with it, but it’s doable. Okay, I will go along with it for today and we’ll talk about it again tomorrow. All right, we’ll do that, okay? So that is a little bit of how my conversation went.

Sharise Parviz: 12:37

Now I’m being a little silly, a little bit dramatic and just having some fun and actually just kind of practicing my accent, because it’s been a while, so I thought I’d have some fun with it. But, truthfully, there’s a reason. Actually, this is actually a tool, a technique that you can use when you have emotions that come up for you, that are a bit overwhelming and you’re having a difficult time managing them. Let’s just say they’re managing you, and part of doing that is being able to separate yourself from the emotion so that you can look at the emotion, as I mentioned, with equanimity, with compassion and as an observer, so that you can look at that emotion from a point of view that’s not enmeshed in that emotion, and that is how you can find your way out of it and find some creative solutions. So one of the ways to do it is the way that I do it is I actually turn that emotion into a character. Now, part of this is because, well, I love, I’m an actress, so doing characters and having characters is fun. But it’s actually a wonderful tool in coaching because you are taking this emotion and you’re creating a character out of it and you’re taking that emotion, taking it outside of you, and you can get as elaborate with it as you want, right?

Sharise Parviz: 14:01

You give it a name, like I gave Little Miss Perfect. Give it a voice. It could be a silly voice If it’s a critical part of you, give it a Minnie Mouse voice, right? So every time she talks to you in your ear, you can give her this little Minnie Mouse voice, right, give her a voice. How does she dress, how does she walk, how does she talk, right? Or you know, it doesn’t have to be a she, it could be a he even.

Sharise Parviz: 14:27

But creating an emotion, a character, out of an emotion, again, what it does is it pulls that emotion away from you so that you’re not sucked into that emotion. Because when we’re sucked into a deep emotion we can’t think Right, we can’t really. We’re sucked in so much that we can’t separate ourselves from it and we stop coming up with solutions and we stop thinking and we just start reacting and just start reacting. But when we can pull that emotion outside of us and communicate with it and understand why, one of the things I do with an emotion like that comes up for me, like Little Miss Perfect, is I do think it Because, for whatever reason, you created this emotion. This emotion came up for you, not you created it Well, yes, actually we do, but we’ll talk about that at another time.

Sharise Parviz: 15:20

But we, this emotion came up at a time in our lives to help us to feel safe. And for me, little Miss Perfect was a way for me to feel safe around my dad, because I felt like I had to be perfect for him. So she would make sure I dotted all my I’s and crossed all my T’s before talking to him so that I didn’t feel like I was an idiot talking to him, and so I didn’t come off as an idiot. So Little Miss Perfect helped me to survive my situation.

Sharise Parviz: 15:59

All of our feelings are really our friends, even the feelings that we don’t particularly like, because they have a message for us and they served us in some way to protect us. The point is is at some point they’re no longer serving us. They’ve kind of just, you know, they’ve worn out their welcome, they’re no longer necessary. And then that’s when we thank them for what they’ve done for us, for how they served us, how they protected us, and then we have to decide. But you know, I’m a different person now and I appreciate the way you served me back then, but I don’t need you to serve me that way anymore. You know you can relax. There are other parts that can take over. You know, your joy, your creativity, your acceptance, right, all of that is also part of you too. You have those emotions in you too, it’s just which ones do allow free reign over your life. So thank any emotion that comes in, because they’re friends, they’re messengers and they want to keep you safe. So little. Miss Perfect wants me to do things right, because she still thinks that I’ve got something to prove that I’m smart and I’m worthy and I’m all these things. But I need to tell her and I did tell her hey, we’re already worthy, we’re done, we don’t need to prove anything anymore, we’re good and we’ll figure all this out. So that was my visit with Little Miss Perfect.

Sharise Parviz: 17:48

And you know, if you have an emotion that comes up, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, whatever, whenever, maybe for that moment, just step outside of it and say, hmm, this were a person or maybe it doesn’t have to be a person, it could be an animal, it could be a yapping dog, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. Right, whatever it is, what would it be? What would it look like? What would it sound like? What would it sound like? What would it dress like? And imagine it, have a conversation with it and talk with it and see what comes up, see if you don’t get some answers, see if you don’t come up with some solutions, and also just make sure to thank it too, because that’s a part of you and remember it was a part of you. That was created to help you, to protect you and to love you. All right, so have a great day and we’ll talk soon.

If you’d like to share your stories and continue the conversation, you can catch me below:
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Transcript

Sharise Parviz: 0:00

Why protesting Kellogg’s is a waste of time. Yeah, that’s something I’ve been considering as I’ve been watching the news and so forth. As you might know, there was a protest in front of Kellogg’s I believe it was their headquarters or corporate offices and there was a huge showing, a lot of support in this protest. A lot of parents, a lot of families were showing up in front of Kellogg’s demanding healthier cereal. Because what’s going on is that in Europe, kellogg’s is producing cereal and specifically they were bringing up Froot Loops because of all the colors and all of that. In Europe they produce Froot Loops let’s just narrow it down and keep it at Froot Loops with natural dyes that come from fruits and from vegetables and food-based dyes, whereas in the US they produce Froot Loops with toxic chemical dyes, dyes that are created in the lab. And so some very angry parents and very angry people as rightly they should be angry why is Kellogg’s basically poisoning their cereal sold in the US? So these protesters went there and were demanding better, healthier cereal and while I deeply appreciate the passion and the intention behind the protest, it wasn’t really very effective in changing Kellogg’s mind. In fact, kellogg, in response, holds up a sign outside the window, not in our lawn. Now, that was an employee, I’m sure you know. And maybe Kellogg’s will come back and say, oh no, we didn’t mean that. You know, they may try to cover it up, but here’s the truth. But here’s the truth. Kellogg’s doesn’t care.

Sharise Parviz: 1:50

These big food companies well, let’s just say, every company, every company, has one goal in mind to make money. You don’t go into business to lose money. You go. You know, if you don’t worry about making money, you go into charity work. But every business has an interest in making money. That’s true and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is when you have a business that wants to make a profit but has no integrity in the way that they do it. Now, these big food companies, their biggest goal is to make money and turn a profit, and the way they do it is they choose the cheapest ingredients they can find and sell it at the highest price that they can.

Sharise Parviz: 2:29

Now, in Europe, the government has said, hey, we’re not going to allow these chemicals in our food. So if Kellogg’s wants to sell their product in Europe, well, they have to abide by the regulations that the government set forth in what is allowable in our food, in their food? Well, in our country, unfortunately, our government is not looking out for us, so the FDA is very loosey-goosey with what is put into our food, and so if these corporations can get away with it, they’re going to make it as cheaply as possible. Now we could say that Kellogg’s didn’t know. Well, okay, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for just a second. Let’s say they didn’t know that the chemicals were toxic and so, oh my goodness, we brought awareness to them that they know now. And so now they’re going to change the way they make their product. Well, that’s crap. Of course they know. They know that the food is poisonous. They know that the food is toxic.

Sharise Parviz: 3:36

The fact that they will sell it in one way in Europe and then not sell it the same way in the US means they’re just doing it for profit. They don’t care about your health. Our health is not in their best interest. They don’t care one way or another. If they make a buck, they make a buck, and that’s really all they care about. So because of that, how much difference does it make to protest, to stand out there, wave our fist in the air, hold up signs and demand something? It doesn’t make much of an effect because they’re already aware of the problem. They just don’t care. But what they do care about is their bottom line. So let’s take Bud Light, for instance. The boycott on Bud Light. Now, you didn’t see a bunch of burly men on their Harleys standing outside of, you know, anheuser-busch protesting with signs. They just made the simple decision to say, hey, you know what? We’re not going to buy your product. And they didn’t. They shared it on the internet. It went viral and people just refused to buy the product. Now, for whatever the reason, right, whether you agree with the reason that they boycotted or not, it doesn’t matter the boycott was successful, so successful that Anheuser-Busch started losing money and that woke them up. But at this point and that woke them up, but at this point it was so successful this boycott Bud Light may never, ever recover.

Sharise Parviz: 5:16

You know, there was a time in the early 2000s when we didn’t have social media. Let me tell you a story so you may be aware of this. You might not be. There was, I believe it was, a doctor I can’t remember if he was a doctor or a scientist, but he was taking Nabisco to court and over Oreo cookies. I believe that’s Nabisco, so Oreo cookies. At that time, hydrogenated fat was in most processed foods and it became aware that hydrogenate fat was obviously toxic. We know that now, but it was obviously toxic. And so in order to really build awareness for the hydrogenate fats and how unhealthy they are and how prevalent they were in our foods this is in the early 2000s this doctor threatened to sue Nabisco. Well, the court case never went through. But the important thing was not about going to court and suing Nabisco, it was about bringing to light hydrogenated fat and the dangers of hydrogenated fat, which it did.

Sharise Parviz: 6:22

Now, at that time again, there was no social media, things didn’t. There was no viral videos, none of that. You know. You had to make a big splash in the media, in the news, on the radio, and that’s what happened and that’s what brought on a lot of the public awareness. That was great, right. So that was a wonderful example of you know, doing something to bring the public aware.

Sharise Parviz: 6:45

Here’s the problem. We still have hydrogenated fats in our processed foods. Oh, they’re not necessarily labeled as hydrogenated fats, because if it’s under a certain amount that has been deemed safe, generally regarded as safe or grass by our government, then they don’t have to list it. So it’s still lurking in our products, it’s just not listed. Now that’s the same way with MSG.

Sharise Parviz: 7:16

Msg was considered, was determined to be a neurotoxin causing neurological disorders, very toxic to the brain and body. So there was a big pressure for companies to remove their MSG. And MSG is a flavoring enhancer to make the food taste good, right, so there was a big pressure to remove MSG from food that we were consuming. Well, so the companies complied, so we think. But no, they didn’t.

Sharise Parviz: 7:48

Msg actually just became was just hidden under the term natural flavorings. You see, companies food labels. They don’t necessarily have to label every ingredient that’s in your food If that ingredient is a smaller part of a larger ingredient. So again, natural flavorings. Right, you see the term natural flavorings. You think it’s natural? Well, you know, no, it’s not. But you look at it and go, oh, but we don’t know what is the natural flavorings? What are they? We don’t know. Well, one of those quote unquote natural flavorings is MSG. So we still have MSG in our foods, we still have hydrogenated fat in our foods. It’s just not labeled. You just don’t know.

Sharise Parviz: 8:39

So because of that, because the companies can, even if they nod their head in agreement, oh yes, oh yes, now we are aware of how toxic our foods are and of course we don’t want to poison anyone. Well, of course your health is important to us. Right, let’s say they did that, okay. But the truth is they may remove it off the label and you think that it’s off the label, it’s no longer in the food, but all they’ve done is either change the name or they’ve included it in part of another ingredient, so we don’t notice it. So again, another reason that protesting Kellogg’s or any big food company is a waste of time.

Sharise Parviz: 9:27

Do I think protesting is a waste of time altogether? No, absolutely not. I do not. When it comes to our absolute survival, say, our water, the air that we breathe, those things are absolutely necessary and we need to raise as much hell as we possibly can. But cereal, the truth is, no matter how many red dyes they remove from Froot Loops, froot Loops is never going to become a health food. It’s just not. It’s filled with sugar, it’s. The grains have been have glyphosate. You know it’s. There’s nothing healthy about Froot Loops. You know the box nothing. The plastics, nothing. There’s nothing healthy. There’s no one case that Froot Loops will ever be a nourishing meal for your family.

Sharise Parviz: 10:19

So why, again, is it a waste of time to protest Kellogg’s? Because you’re protesting a food that’s never going to be good for us anyway. And the thing about that is that when we are saying make better food, make better food, all we’re really doing is continuing to demand to suck on the teat of big food to feed us, suck on the teat of big food to feed us. We are continuing to demand that these big companies control us, because that’s what we’re doing. We’re giving up our power when we bow down and we say, hey, do this, do this, do we really need cereal? Cereal is not a survival food. Cereal Cereal is not a survival food. But we are turning our nutrition and we’re turning over our food system to these food companies and we may be demanding them to change it, but we’re still enslaved to the food company and it’ll never be healthy food. So what a waste of time. That is, to me, a better use of time is to boycott. If you really really, based on what happened with Bud Light, don’t buy the food. Don’t buy the food. Share it on social media what’s going on? And don’t buy the food. Make their stocks come down, make their profits come down. That’s going to get them to do something. I don’t know if it’ll be actually anything legitimate or they could just be again, hide the ingredients stealthily, put it in there without you knowing, but it might do something. But what really is a better use of time is to learn how to feed yourself Instead of relying on big food to produce our foods for us. We get back to the farmer, we get back to creating and making foods ourselves.

Sharise Parviz: 12:24

I know that breakfast can be a crazy time, right, but the thing about breakfast is it doesn’t have to be if you prepare. For instance, one of the things that I do is I will make a whole batch of hard-boiled eggs on the weekend for the week One, two dozen, and I have them for the week. I will cook up a batch of bacon and I love cold bacon as a snack or even for breakfast, and I will keep that in the refrigerator. I also make a properly prepared porridge, which is where the grains are prepared to be digested, which your commercial cereals are never going to be that way and then I make enough for the week and then every morning you can take some out, you throw it in the stovetop, on the, in a saucepan, and you warm it up in a little pot and you have a fast, nutritious breakfast. Serve it with some butter, serve it with some raw milk and you have a beautiful. It’s fast and it’s not expensive. My goodness, cereal is so expensive. I haven’t bought cereal in a long time, but I remember how expensive it was decades ago. I can’t imagine what the price of it is right now.

Sharise Parviz: 13:32

I think a better effort might be A boycott. Yes, stop spending your money where they go, stop spending your money in these companies. But B start taking better control over our own health and our own choices. Start, you know, supporting our farmers who are creating these beautiful eggs. And beware that, even if you’re buying organic, even if you think you’re doing all the right things, a lot of these smaller companies are actually bought and owned by these larger food corporations, owned by these larger food corporations, which is, you know, disheartening. But even companies like, I remember, one of my favorite vitamin companies back in the day was Garden of Life and Nestle bought them out. And then you have pharmaceutical companies who own vitamin companies. You know, it’s even your, you know, your seventh generation. All these different companies that we used to be able to trust has now been sold and purchased by these larger corporations and so even those smaller.

Sharise Parviz: 14:44

You know natural looking labels that are in our Whole Foods, labels that are in our Whole Foods. You know you can’t trust anymore Even Whole Foods. I mean, I loved Whole Foods, going to Whole Foods when I was young, my kids were young, we used to love it and then they got bought out by Amazon and they are not the same. I haven’t been there for a long time, but it was brought to my attention that if you buy their package baked goods, if you turn over the package it’ll say genetically modified foods in it or genetically modified products. Whatever the label is, this is at Whole Foods. What happens with these natural products, unfortunately, is that even they, they are trusting that. You have faith in them. So you go into Whole Foods and you may be buying the same. You know items that you’ve been buying for years and you don’t look at the packages. You know you trust Whole Foods. It’s called Whole Foods for a reason it costs a lot of money for a reason right, whole paycheck. So you’re trusting that they’re doing the right thing, and as we should be able to trust that they’re doing the right thing right and so they rely on that trust and then they change the labels on you and we’re no longer looking at the labels because we trust them. Until we do look at the labels and we go oh my gosh, what are they doing?

Sharise Parviz: 16:04

So again protesting? Is it absolutely a waste of time? No, but who should we be protesting? You know it’s not Kellogg’s fault. Hear me out. Kellogg’s is doing what a company does. It’s make it buck. That’s what Kellogg’s wants to do. That’s what every company wants to do. Now you hope that they would do it with integrity and honesty, but most of these big food companies don’t care, as I already said. So where do our protests belong? Well, because Europe doesn’t allow those kinds of foods, those dyes, those chemicals into their country. It’s because the government has banned them.

Sharise Parviz: 16:46

Our government, our FDA, plays loosey-goosey again with the generally recognized, or sometimes it’s called regarded as safe. This is a term that some chemicals that are used in our food products and our beauty care products. We think everything’s been tested, it’s all been FDA approved and been tested. Oh, that’s nonsense. It really hasn’t. We think it, and it’s not true, unfortunately. Generally regarded as safe is a term that is used for a food that really has never been proven to be safe. In fact, a company does its own testing. It’s not third company tested or third body tested. A company tests their own product and then turns the studies into the FDA and the FDA goes oh okay, it looks pretty good to me. Well, I’ll tell you what to do. If anything changes, submit a new study, let us know, and that’s it. There’s no proof that it’s healthy, there’s no proof that it’s safe, and this is what companies get away with Because our government well, let’s be honest, they’re all in cahoots together Big Pharma, big Food, fda, cdc name a government agency that isn’t in cahoots NIH all of these companies or, excuse me, agencies, are in cahoots with these big corporations.

Sharise Parviz: 18:13

They’re all drinking from the same trough. I mean, they’re all getting their kickbacks. They’re all serving one another. So if we want to protest, we need to start with our politicians. We need to start with our local politicians and our state politicians and our federal politicians, who are supposed to be serving the people, and we nail them to the cross, in the sense of we email and we send viral what these politicians are doing or not doing to protect us and we continue and continue to push that out and we get out and we vote.

Sharise Parviz: 18:50

I’m very excited about RFK Jr getting into the picture with Trump, very excited. I hope we can make America healthy again. If anyone can do it, I believe he can. He has the clout and he certainly has the knowledge and experience and the backing. So I’m very excited about that. So what I’m saying is put your protest, put the energy of protesting, where it counts. If the government wouldn’t allow and I’m not about big government, right, but I am about honest government and if the government is getting kickbacks and again in cahoots with these corporations, right. These agencies making money off allowing these corporations to poison us, they need to be regulated. These agencies right, which is why RFK is going to be a great addition to the team.

Sharise Parviz: 19:42

But our protests need to go to the people who are supposed to be representing us. Kellogg’s it’s a food, it’s a cereal. Don’t buy it. But if our government would refuse for us to be poisoned, refuse for us to have toxins in our foods, just like they do in Europe, then Kellogg’s would remove them. But just us saying, hey, remove them, remove them, we want your food. No, they know that you’re not going to stop buying their food. I mean that’s what they believe.

Sharise Parviz: 20:19

Just because you protest, stop buying their food. No, they know that you’re not going to stop buying their food. I mean that’s what they believe. Just because you protest, stop buying their food, start relying on your own self to create and make a healthy breakfast for your family. And if you want something done, you got to get out and vote. And you got to get out and you got to to nail your politicians. Nail them to the wall, call them on the carpet, spread that out like wildfire, because then something will be done Again, rfk Jr coming in, hopefully making some changes with these agencies, hopefully bringing some awareness of everything that’s going on.

Sharise Parviz: 21:01

I mean, I don’t know how really we can still trust our government after the past four years and still what they’re continuing to do, but many people still do and still aren’t aware of the dangers of our food system and our drug system and all of these systems that have really just taken advantage of our ignorance and our compliance. So protesting itself isn’t necessarily a waste of time, but protest where it counts, because as long as the government lets these corporations get away with it, these corporations are going to continue to play sneaky. They’re going to continue to do what they can do to make food cheaply and make as much money off you, off me, off us as possible. So protest where it matters, at our government, at our officials, and take your money and put it where it matters. You’re small farmers, you’re truly companies with true integrity.

Sharise Parviz: 22:07

So three things I want to share with you, and it’ll be in the show notes. One is my properly prepared porridge that I talked about, that I make once a week and this is great when you have kids. Right, when my grandbaby came, I made this and I kept it in the refrigerator and we had it. I also make pancakes. That’s another thing I did is I would prepare and make a batch of pancakes. You know, healthy pancakes made with wonderful organic flours that were that the flour was soaked and it was fermented, so it was wonderfully digestible and nutritious, and I would make them a big batch and then I’d freeze them, and so what I would do is make each pancake and then I would layer a parchment paper and then stack another pancake, and I would do that, and then I’d wrap the whole thing in these stacks of pancakes in parchment paper and then stick them in a plastic bag and then put it in the freezer and then, when we wanted pancakes, I would pull out however many pancakes we wanted, and I didn’t use the microwave, but I did have a convection oven and I would put it in there and it would warm up within minutes.

Sharise Parviz: 23:13

You know, is it a little more time consuming than just throwing open a box of cereal and some milk? Yeah, I mean by minutes, though. By minutes. But the health you know, the health benefit you receive by feeding your family real food, which Fruit Loops, is never going to become, no matter what we do. It’s so worth it, it’s so worth it. Just a little preparation on the weekends, prepare for the week’s so worth it, it’s so worth it. Just a little preparation on the weekends, prepare for the week, so worth it.

Sharise Parviz: 23:43

So I want to share three things with you and it’ll be in the show notes. One is my recipe for the properly prepared porridge Make on a Sunday and have it for the rest of the week. The other is two resources to help you find companies with integrity. One is from the Western Price, western A Price Foundation. It’s westernapricefoundationorg. They have an app that you can actually put on your phone and take shopping. I think it’s called Real Foods app. They also put out a journal yearly of the companies that they trust, and so I’ll put a link to that so you can become a member of Weston A Price Foundation Excellent, I think it’s $40 for the year and you get journals I think it’s quarterly journals and then access to all their papers and research and blog posts, as well as these food journals as well that come out yearly. And then I’m also going to give you another resource. It’s called the Environmental Working Group and this is online.

Sharise Parviz: 24:44

They also have an app where you can check for products that you have and these are basically like household beauty products that you use, cleaning products, that type of thing and they give it a rating based on how green it is, meaning how healthy it is, and how toxic it is, and so you can look at both of those places to one to find real food. They even have Western A Price I’m talking about right now has even what’s called a 12 spoons, where they list restaurants that follow the Western A Price foundations uh, foundations, um, food right, uh, food theory beliefs. You know the, the foundation of food, their ancestral ways of eating, um, the organic, healthy way of eating. So they have 12, uh spoons, which tells you the different restaurants and you can find one, possibly, hopefully, in your area that uh abide by Western, by Western Price’s food philosophies. Then, and then the environmental working group. So I will put both of those links so you can look at them and find their apps and get in with them and check the products you’re using and see if they’re really as non-toxic as the label claims them to be, see if the company is one that has integrity and your health in mind, and then I’ll send you my recipe.

Sharise Parviz: 26:04

All right, so again, protest, put your protesting energy where it counts the most. Hit our government, hit those politicians that are supposed to be representing us, not their back pocket, and put your money right where your mouth is, or don’t put your money and don’t, and boycott and don’t buy these products. Those two ways are going to, I think, in my opinion, from what I’ve seen, are going to be the best ways to stick it to big food and big government. We can do it, we can take back our health, but let’s do it efficiently, let’s do it in a way that really really makes a difference in the long run, because there’s too many loopholes for these corporations that they have to still continue to poison us while we believe they’re taking care of us, and let’s not rely on big food to feed us. Let’s get off the teeth of big food. All right, have a wonderful day. Look for those links in the show notes on Spotify and also on my website. All right, talk soon.