13 – Are You Stuck In A Rut of Unhappiness?
Have you ever felt trapped in a routine or questioned whether the things that once brought you happiness still resonate today? Join me as I share my personal journey through life’s transitions and how you can decide what really brings you joy.
Transcript
Sharise Parviz: 0:00
Welcome to Burn the Boats Baby. I’m Sharise Parviz. Today I wanted to talk to you about, well, whether you’re spinning your wheels stuck in a rut. Do you know what actually makes you happy? Do you know what brings you joy in your life, what makes you laugh, what brings you more fun and excitement, more peace, more love? Do you know? Or could you possibly just be spinning your wheels in a rut, thinking that what made you happy in the past still makes you happy now? Or, if it doesn’t, you think it should, so you’re sticking with it? And how do you determine what makes you happy anyway? Maybe you don’t even know. Well, these are the things we’re going to talk about today, but first I want to give you a little update. So I am entering. I think this is my second week. I’m not really keeping track of the day’s dates. Yeah, I think this is my second week of my at-home retreat. Things are going really well. I think the last time I chatted with you I think this is my second week of my at-home retreat Things are going really well. I think the last time I chatted with you, I had told you that Miss Little Little Miss Perfect, came to visit me and we had a little chat. Well, we worked things out. We sure did, and we spent a couple of hours, as I mentioned, on some of the projects that we wanted to work on, and then we called it a day and actually she hasn’t visited again. We’re not even anywhere complete on those projects, but I think I calmed her down, we worked it out, she’s a little more secure, feeling a little more safe, and so we’ll come back to it when the time is right, which isn’t really right now.Sharise Parviz: 1:42
Right now, I’m just really trying to enjoy my time away while staying in with my at-home retreat, and I don’t know if you can tell, but I can speak a lot better now. I’m still a little nasally, but, man, it’s really cleared up. I was sneezing all night long. I mean, this is like last week eyes watering, all these you know issues and now it’s like, oh, I feel so much better. So I still have a little stuff coming up, you know, some junk coming out of my throat, and a lot of that is really what I’d mentioned also last time I spoke was I believe it was last time we chatted detoxing right and getting rid of stuff, and when things are coming out of our body, they come out through all the ways they come out. You know all the ways we excrete stuff out of our body through our nasal passages, and so right now, even though my nose is clear, my throat’s kind of got a lot of gunk in it.
Sharise Parviz: 2:39
I know, isn’t this fun to learn this and do all this, but these are the things. If you decide to go, or if you have you’ve experienced this, or if you decide to go and you’re never really done a full cleanse, and then these are just experiences I’m sharing. So you go oh, what is this? And so you don’t get freaked out, thinking something’s wrong with you. When you start to have experiences, die off reactions which are just completely normal, and you just baby yourself and give yourself some time and some rest.
Sharise Parviz: 3:10
So this morning I felt really good. Well, actually, that’s a lie, I didn’t. When I first got up this morning, I had a really terrible headache and I thought, oh my gosh, it was just a real pressure headache and I was like, oh, I think I might have to go back to bed. I said, well, wait, let me just drink some water. And lo and behold, I had 16 ounces of my lemon water, which I do every morning and like within five minutes, my headache was gone, so I was just dehydrated.
Sharise Parviz: 3:35
You know, it’s funny, the things you think about. You think that, oh my gosh, what am I going to do? And then you go. It’s the simplest things that solve the problem, right? You know, we overcomplicate things a little too much sometimes. Well, okay, maybe I, maybe you don’t. I tend to overcomplicate things and have to go. You know what’s, what’s the simple answer here, Sharise, because usually the simple answer yeah, you know what that’s usually the correct one. That’s usually the, the one you want to follow is the simplest answer. If it’s not, at least try the simplest answer first, the simplest solution, try that first. More than likely that’s going to be the answer, and if it’s not, okay, but at least try it first.
Sharise Parviz: 4:15
Anyway, so that is my update. Feeling good, my headache is gone, a little bit of gunk in my throat, but other than that I have a lot of energy, been feeling really good. The weight loss has slowed down, excuse me. So I think I’ve lost another two pounds. So I guess it has. Well, I was losing like, I think, like a pound a day, so it’s kind of died down. I think I lost two pounds this past week. Lord, I need to keep track of my days. I am keeping it track in my journal, but it’s just not in my brain. So anyway, um, anyway. So that’s fine, you know. The thing is it’s steadily coming off and I guess I lost all the water weight I needed to lose, I’m sure you know, and so there might be still some more. But but mostly it’s steadily coming off and I’m seeing a reduction in inflammation all over my body, just a swelling and inflammation. My face is slimmer, my tummy is flatter, my abs are showing again, my muscles, my arms have slimmed down. You know, even all of that has slimmed down because I’m releasing and reducing the inflammation in my body. So yay for that. So all is well, and that is it for my update on my at-home retreat. It is cold this morning, we are walking on our path and, oh my gosh, it’s like fall. I’m loving it. All right.
Sharise Parviz: 5:38
So let’s get to today’s topic. Are you in a rut, and do you even know what it is that makes you happy? Are you just spinning your wheels on what used to make you happy or what you think should still make you happy? And how would you know what makes you happy anyway. So when I talk about happiness, let me preface that Happiness to me.
Sharise Parviz: 6:01
I like to use the word more joy than happy, because happy to me is a more of a fleeting emotion. Right, oh, that makes me so happy. Right, let’s go and do something fun. Oh, that was happy, you know. But it’s a happy face, it’s an emoji, and you can have happy times, which are wonderful, but to me, again, happiness just seems fleeting, it’s a conditional feeling. You know, something was fun, something made you happy, and then it’s gone, right, but joy is really what I want to talk about.
Sharise Parviz: 6:35
You know, I use the word happy, but the truth is it’s really joy, something that really that, even through the tough times, it’s that thing that just makes you go. Oh, that, even through the tough times, it’s that thing that just makes you go. Oh, I don’t know that makes me go. Oh, because sometimes words don’t express the joy that I feel in doing what I’m doing. Right, and so happy, fleeting. You know, it’s great to feel happy, right, when you lose those few pounds, like, oh, I feel happy when you would lose the joint pain in your knees. Oh, I feel happy when you have, you know, completed some goal or some intention.
Sharise Parviz: 7:10
There’s a moment of happiness, and then it usually fades and then you’re back to the grind again. But what, if really, we can seek for joy that is always there underneath, always there ready to just express itself in your life, right? So even through the difficult times, even through the not so happy times, there’s always that joy that’s in our heart. So how do we discover what it is that brings us joy? So how do we discover what it is that brings us joy, not just happy, fleeting emotion, but deep down joy, though, again, fleeting moments of happiness are good too, there’s nothing wrong with that. So what is it? What is it? How do you know? Well, I can tell you from my own experience.
Sharise Parviz: 8:10
When I left, closed down my performing arts school, I was not in a place of happiness and certainly no joy. I was in a place of just burnout. I was sick. I was hospitalized because I hadn’t. The stress in my body was just overwhelming. And I remember that there was a time when I was really, really happy in my studio. About the first three, four years it was a blast, right, but towards the end I just hated it. No, I loved the kids, don’t get me wrong. I mean, that’s what kept me hanging in so long, even though you know, for eight, almost nine years, kept me hanging in so long, even though you know, for eight, almost nine years hanging on so long onto the studios because I adored the kids and they did bring me joy. But honestly, the misery of my studio was just, it was awful and it was overwhelming and I knew it was time to leave.
Sharise Parviz: 9:01
So when I left right and as you know, we, if you’ve been listening to these episodes you know we closed down my school during COVID and then we moved to almost across the you know the states, across the nation. We went to Arkansas, not quite across, but a little more than center, a little more east than center from California. So it’s a huge adjustment and change. So we got to, we stayed in an apartment for a year and it was like a blank slate, right. I did have some feelings of anxiety, of just trying to come to. I couldn’t even think about the studio because of any time I thought about it I would get anxious. So but that was a side you know, I was no longer doing that. So I thought to myself what do I do now? I mean, I literally do not know what to do. I hadn’t been dancing for a long time, even though I was teaching dance, but that’s very different than actually dancing yourself. You know, I wasn’t really, I hadn’t. It’s just I didn’t know what made me happy anymore and I certainly didn’t know what brought me joy.
Sharise Parviz: 10:09
And my husband and I, you know, we recommitted our relationship and you know, while that was a joyful moment, there was still not a lot of. There was still some unpleasant, unhappy times because we were healing. We were healing from 20 years of a broken marriage. So you know, it didn’t like just woo, everything’s great overnight. We knew we made a joyful decision, but it always didn’t feel happy. It didn’t always feel happy because we were still working through some pain. We were healing, and healing, you know, just like detoxing on a at-home retreat, isn’t always pleasant. You get headaches, you know. You feel sick to your stomach, you feel tired, right. There are things that are just not happy moments. There are some, but they’re not all, when you’re in the process of healing. And so we in our marriage were in the process of healing. So not all the times were great, though I knew in the end it would be right that we’d get through it. So there was joy there, but certainly not a lot of happiness, not all the time, though there were some times because we were almost like newlyweds in a way.
Sharise Parviz: 11:17
You know, we didn’t have any kids anymore. Our kids were grown. We had them you always have kids but they were grown. And we kind of did everything backwards because when we got married, I already had two kids from a previous marriage, right, two children and Michael, and then we have the one together. But Michael, you know, took us all in, I mean, and he, you know, of course they, they have their father, but Michael really, you know, helped raise them and really loved them like like their own. So all three of our kiddos, he loved them equally. So he, you know, we kind of did everything backwards in the sense.
Sharise Parviz: 11:51
And then, so now when they were gone, well, we had a whole new start, right, and it’s like, well, what do we do? Where do we go from here? So, so there was a lot of happy moments too, because we were kind of just discovering not only our new life together but discovering each other and going on dates and doing like single, you know, dating couples, what they do before kids, right, and hopefully you know we didn’t, but hopefully you will. If you’re in that condition, let me just tell you don’t stop date nights. Make sure you go on date nights. Okay, that’s one thing that we didn’t do. We didn’t make time for our relationship and um, and it suffered for it, right, but that was then. This is now. So we get here to our new state and everything’s blank slate. Where do we start?
Sharise Parviz: 12:42
I have no idea what I like. I have no idea what I enjoy. I have no idea what I want to do and I don’t mean do as a career. I mean, I wasn’t even thinking that far down the road, I was not even thinking. I couldn’t even think about that. Well, I’ll talk about that another day but I couldn’t even think about what the future might look like. I just didn’t know what it was that I wanted to do. Now, like just in the moment, what really brought me joy. I had to discover that myself again and I thought, okay, well, how do I do this? Well, I’ll tell you a couple of things that I did.
Sharise Parviz: 13:14
The first thing I did is that, even though it was very difficult for me to discover what it is that I like, doing what it is that made me happy, what it was that brings me joy and fun and laughter and silliness. I couldn’t really figure that out right away, so I did the process of elimination. You remember that in school, right? What’s the process of elimination? And sometimes it’s a lot easier to find the things you don’t like than what you do, but it’s a great starting point. So I made a list. I made a list and I thought what are the things I don’t like? And I mean I made a list on everything the kind of food I didn’t like, the kind of clothes I didn’t like, the kind of music I didn’t like, which I like, all music. So that was kind of hard. But the kind of books I didn’t like, the kind of everything I mean, all the way down to the most mundane thing in my life, to extraordinary things in my life.
Sharise Parviz: 14:03
What is it that you know that made a big impact in my life, what are the things I don’t like? And I listen, what kind of flowers don’t I like? I mean anything. And really what I’m doing is just was. I was building an awareness for myself. I was building an awareness to who I was and what it is I liked and didn’t like.
Sharise Parviz: 14:24
So we started with what I didn’t like. I was getting to know myself and I just made a list and I just added to that list, like I literally would put a piece of paper on the table, like on the kitchen counters where it was, and when something just kind of crossed my mind or something, I did something or came across something or I thought of something, I just jotted it down. What makes me unhappy, what I don’t like, list, and I just marked it all down. So I thought, well, okay, that’s a starting point. So now I know what I don’t like. Hmm, all right, so now what do I like? What does make me happy?
Sharise Parviz: 15:04
So once I felt complete in that and it took me a few days, if I remember correctly, to write all that down, it may take you not that long, but once you feel it, you know and you feel complete, you’re like, hey, I got it and you don’t have to give that list away, keep it going. You can still keep it on the side because other things may come up. But once you feel that right now, in that moment you’re complete, you’ve gotten all the stuff you don’t like out of you and you may end up just going on a rant and, just like I know everything I don’t like and you may vomit all over the page. That’s okay too. Keep that page, but just set it aside for a moment. Okay, get all of that out of you and set it aside and then make a new page what does make me happy, and then maybe, like I still don’t know. That’s okay.
Sharise Parviz: 15:49
So here’s what you do. You just start to observe yourself during the day and when something that you like, that you do, or something that you hear, or something that you experience puts a smile on your face, you know, makes you laugh, you think, oh, this is fun, I like this. Write it down. That’s your happy list, your joy list, right, and you do that throughout the day. You know, just go through your day on a regular day and just jotting down the things that you enjoy, you know, as you enjoy, oh, ask yourself, did I like doing that or did I not like doing that? Which list does it need to go on? And if you like doing it, put it down on your like list, right? So I guess you could have a dislike list and a like list, okay. So, as you’re doing that and again, keep those lists going and you can keep those lists going indefinitely, just to become more aware as you experience more things and bring more awareness up. You can just continue those lists. Oh, I’m getting out of breath.
Sharise Parviz: 16:58
It was a big, strong, fast walk. So you get that list down and you look at it and look at your likes list and you look at it and you think, well, what? You could even go deeper. What about this made me like it? What about it? What did it give me? Did it give me a sense of freedom? Did it give me a sense of joy or laughter or silliness? Did I feel like myself in this? Did I feel close to someone right? Was it a walk with a friend? Was it a hug? What was it that? That? What did it give me right? Now, how can I add more of that into my life? So, once you’ve figured out your dislikes, you don’t have to start there. If you could go with your likes, go there Either way. We could have your dislike list and your like list.Sharise Parviz: 17:52
Once you have your like list, ask yourself what about it?
Sharise Parviz: 17:55
Did you like?
Sharise Parviz: 17:57
What did it give you? How did it make you feel Right? And then, once you have that, ask yourself now, how can I add this more into my life? Now let’s jump a bit and make this even deeper, because you could say, well, I like drinking, I like alcohol. I don’t know if I want to add more alcohol in my life. Really, I mean, it’s fun, I have happy. You know it brings me some joy in the moment. Um, or maybe you know I really like that chocolate cake, or you know I really like smoking that cigarette, whatever it is Right. So there are some things that you may like, but you really know you don’t want more of you in your life. How do you determine that? Okay, so let’s go back.
Sharise Parviz: 18:44
Let’s recap. We got our dislike list. We have our like list. In our like list, we’ve said what it is about it, that you liked about it. Okay, how can you add more of that in your life?
Sharise Parviz: 18:57
Then you could take that like list and go but what are these things that I know? Even though I like them, I know they’re not good for me. Well then, what we need to do is find out again. You asked yourself what is it about these things on the list? What do they give you? Does smoking a cigarette give you a sense of? I’m not saying you do. I’m just saying, if that’s an example, does that give you a sense of comfort and relaxation? Maybe it’s a sense of connection to yourself and some time away. So really, it’s not the cigarette that’s giving you joy and happiness, it’s the time away, it’s the time to rest, it’s a time to sit, whatever it gives you. Once you realize and determine what it is that that thing gives you, then you can look for something that can substitute for the cigarette, or the chocolate cake or the glass of wine or whatever. It is okay If that is something you want to remove from your life.
Sharise Parviz: 20:04
Now here are a couple of things that you can ask yourself when determining whether something you like is a good vehicle. I’m going to call it a vehicle. Something that you enjoy doing, that brings you a sense of happiness or joy, is a thing that you really want to continue. Continue or if you need to find a substitute. There are questions to ask yourself Is what I’m doing good for me? Does it feel good? Do I know it’s good for me? Second question Is what I’m doing good for others, your family, your friends, your people that you’re close to, the people that matter to you, your circle, your smaller, tighter, intimate circle of influence your spouse, obviously, right. And then, third, does it serve the greater good? Does doing this thing that brings me some comfort, some happiness? Does it serve the greater good? And whatever that greater good is to you? It could be the greater good in your church, the greater good of your community and your neighborhood, right? So does it serve me, does it feel good and is it good for me? Second question does it serve others, your immediate, others around you? And third, does it serve the greater good? And again, that’s whatever your greater good is to you. Now here is something to consider.
Sharise Parviz: 21:42
Many things that are good for us don’t feel good in the moment and they just don’t right. For instance, let’s say I want to get out of debt. Okay, maybe that’s something right. What makes me happy? Being debt free, that that brings a lot of joy, okay, not having you know anybody to owe no credit card payments, all that that brings me a lot of joy, right. So, but cutting my expenses, cutting up my credit cards, cutting my expenses right. That stuff doesn’t feel good in the immediate.
Sharise Parviz: 22:20
So when you ask yourself does this feel good, is this good for me? Well, you may say it doesn’t really feel good. But is it good for me? Well, yeah, actually it is. It will be in the future. It’ll be very good for me, right, it’s good for me now because I’m taking back control over my life and it’s going to feel good in the future and be good for me in the future.
Sharise Parviz: 22:41
So not all things that will bring us happiness and joy is immediate gratification. Sometimes it’s delayed, but if you know, yeah, it’s delayed, but, boy, it’s going to feel better than what I have right now, then that’s, that’s how you know it’s the right thing to do, right For you. That’s what’s going to bring you the most joy. So it may not be immediate satisfaction, immediate pleasure, but you know it will be in the future. Then is it good for others? How will others benefit from the decision you make? Right, if you say I really I want, I’m happy, I want to have joy.
Sharise Parviz: 23:16
And one thing that brings me happiness and joy is, I don’t know, watching a comedy. Okay, is that? Does that feel good? Yeah, it feels good. Is that good for you? Yeah, cause it makes me feel happy, it takes my stress away. Great. How does it serve others? Well, when I, when I have joy and I’m light and I have the stress lifted off of me. I’m a better mom. I’m a better wife, I’m a better spouse. I’m a better, I’m a better. Everything I can approach my life with with smile and friendliness I can. When I see people on the street, you know, like if I go into the coffee shop or the grocery store and I have that lightness in my heart, well, I can pass that lightness on. I can pass that, that kindness, I can pass that kindness, that joy and that fun on Great. So it’s good for others and it sounds like it’s also for the greater good, Because when you are not only affecting your family by being fun and joyful, but you’re also affecting others, silly comedy show that you may watch can make you happy and give you joy because it A it serves you, it serves others and it serves the greater good.
Sharise Parviz: 24:27
So when you have those things in place, then guess what? You’re on the road to finding what makes you happy. You’re on the road of what brings you joy and you can get out of the rut. Now let’s say there’s things that you don’t like doing, but you know you have a responsibility to do it. So the next question is so you’ve got your like list. You got your dislike list. You’ve you found out in your like list what it is that you like and what does it give you right?
Sharise Parviz: 24:58
Comfort, peace, joy, laughter, whatever you know makes you feel good. What it is that you like and what does it give you right? Comfort, peace, joy, laughter, whatever you know makes you feel good, makes you feel free. Uh, puts you in a state of flow. Right, maybe you like to dance, I like to dance. It puts me in a state of flow. Maybe you like music or art, whatever. What does it give you that you like? Right, what do you want more of? How can you bring more of that into your life?
Sharise Parviz: 25:19
And if there are things that you know that bring you that immediate happiness, that immediate gratification, but you know aren’t good for you, ask yourself those questions, right, is it good for me, does it feel good? And is it good for me, is it good for others? And does it serve the greater good? If what you’re doing doesn’t find a substitute, something that provides for you that same level of comfort or whatever that you get, whatever the reward that you get from doing the thing that isn’t so good for you, I think that you follow along with that right Now. That could take time and that’s okay, right.
Sharise Parviz: 25:59
Again, this is all about self-awareness and coming into your own and figuring yourself out. So, but what if you have things on your list, on your do not like list? You can’t just give them away, right? Then you ask yourself, all right, so there are some things I’m going to do. I can’t just walk away, right, because there, because maybe it’s your family, you love your family, they bring you joy, but, boy, it’s not always happy times. So how can you? Or your job? I’ll give you a personal experience in just a minute. But whatever that is that, you know that you still, it’s a responsibility you have, but you really don’t enjoy it. So what can you do? Well, take something from that like list and add to something you don’t like.
Sharise Parviz: 26:49
So here’s an example when we had a dog, our little doggy um, we had a little shih tzu yapper dog when we came out here to um, came out here to arkansas, and we got it. Later on, after our beautiful great dane passed, we got this little one and she was just, she was a. We saved her. Right, she was a humane society and she was. She was pretty damaged, poor baby. She was really abused and she never quite quite got got over it. She still had a lot of anxiety and even even though we tried, but anyway, towards the end she was pretty old when we, when we we put her down, you know, because she couldn’t see anymore, she couldn’t hear anymore, she couldn’t hold her bladder anymore and she just wasn’t in a good shape. So we felt the most merciful thing to do was put her down. So we did.
Sharise Parviz: 27:45
But anyway, when I had her, I used to just hate taking her for walks. Just, oh, okay, right, I just hated it, right. This is before. Now I have my property and I love walking now, but, and now I walk my cat and my dog. But I used to just have to get up and put the leash on and she never liked the leash. So it was kind of a little bit of a battle because she would yap at me and and snap at me. I’m like no, no, we need to go for a walk, baby, you know. And then I take her for a walk. She’d enjoy the walk, but it was just like it was a struggle. Okay, until again we talk about simple solutions.
Sharise Parviz: 28:18
I went to my like list and I went well, what do I like? What can I add here? Well, I love listening to audio books. I love listening to podcasts, right, Like you’re doing right now. Oh, okay, I feel pretty stupid saying this because you probably already know the answer Duh Sharise why don’t you just listen to a podcast on your walk? Oh, like, oh yeah, so I started doing that. Or an audio book, right, I started. Or even music, cause I love music. Music was my savior growing up and music’s my oh. That’s. What drives me is music. But whatever it was podcast, audio book or some music Now, that time of walking my dog, that was enjoyable.
Sharise Parviz: 29:01
Now I looked forward to it. Got to go for a walk now, julia. Julia got to go for a walk. Come on, let’s get out, let’s go for a walk now, julia. Julia got to go for a walk. Come on, let’s get out, let’s go for a walk. I need to get out of the house and go listen to something You’re right. Now it became fun. Now it became a happy time for me.
Sharise Parviz: 29:21
So if for you, you find something that you know you want to do, you know down deep, it is something you want to do, but a lot of times it’s just not happy. I mean, there’s a lot of things in life we love doing, but we don’t always love every minute of it. Okay, how can you make it fun? How can you bring it joy? How can you bring more of what you like on your like list to the thing that you don’t like doing? Cleaning house when the kids were little, trying to get them to do their chores oh my Lord. Cleaning house when the kids were little, trying to get them to do their chores oh my lord. It’s like pulling teeth. So I would make a challenge out of it all. Right, I’d put the timer on, let’s see who can get done before the timer goes off, and we had fun right. Or put on some music and or dance around the house or whatever, while you’re doing chores. Now you’re taking something that’s enjoyable and fun and adding to that which isn’t enjoyable and fun.
Sharise Parviz: 30:10
So, going back to my own experience, let’s say with my studio, the first four years three or four years of being at my studio, I loved. I was doing all the things I love, doing all the things that brought me happiness, all the things that brought me joy. I was, I was dancing, I was still dancing, made time to dance, all the things that brought me joy. I was, I was dancing, I was still dancing, made time to dance, I was creating, right, whether it was choreography or it was my classes, I was teaching and I was uplifting kids and I was seeing their confidence. I mean, some of these kids would come in so shy and I would see their confidence levels just rise and I had so much joy doing that rise and I had so much joy doing that and I just felt, oh, you know, just every day, blessed by that experience. And then about I’m going to cry and I’m sorry but I guess it’s just. It was so meaningful to me that time.
Sharise Parviz: 31:03
But around year four or five, but around year four or five, I was told I actually had to start running a business. Okay, meaning what I was doing was is it going to be a hobby? If not, we’re losing money. I don’t mean my husband, anything. This was like people. You know, you listen to all the all the experts, right, yeah, okay. And then all the experts saying, well, how do you? Now? You need to start making money. Now you need to start blah, blah, blah. Now you need to start thinking about your competition, and on and on, and on, and on, and on and on
Sharise Parviz: 31:31
And then my entire mindset changed. Now I was like I mean, I still loved my kids and I still love my classes and all of that. But now it was like now I was on the treadmill Boy, I had to, I had to be better, I had to be better, I had to be better, I had to make, I had to make sure I made money, I had to make sure we had to cover all the bills, which of course you do, but I had to make sure we did that. I had to make sure we had all this. And then I spent most of the time I think I mentioned you working 18 hours a day, seven days a week, and not just on my classes. Once my, you know, after the first few years, your classes are pretty set. You may add in things, because I’m always adding in things, because I love learning new things and I bring that to my students, just like I do with my clients and what have you, and hopefully what I will be bringing to more of you here.
Sharise Parviz: 32:14
But my time, what consumed me was I have to run a business, I have to run a business. And then, because I was consumed with that. Because I was consumed with that, all the joy that I had in my studio was gone. I mean, I still loved being there with the kids and when I let myself be in, you know, in the present moment, when I was teaching my classes, it was just like everything just dropped for me. My shoulders dropped down to my knees because they were, you know, raised up high to the sky. They were so tense and I felt that this was where I belong at that moment. But that moment was an hour. You know what I mean. It was a class, but the business was all the time and I was miserable.
Sharise Parviz: 33:00
And that’s why I said, when I finally, when COVID hit and I’m like you know, I need to use this time and I decided that I wasn’t going to reopen the studio, the school, because it brought me too much anxiety and it was no longer fun, it was no longer enjoyable and it was so hard because I loved my kids, I mean, and I loved my parents. You know I did. I mean I was just blessed to have great kids and great parents and even the adults I taught. I mean I loved them all but I couldn’t handle the 90%. I wish that could have said that was 90% of my day, but it wasn’t. 90% of my time was spent on running the business. Oh, I couldn’t go back to that. When I became wiser which I am I will continue to grow in wise I’m not all wise, but I am wiser than I was.
Sharise Parviz: 33:51
Then, if I knew, if I had really just said, okay, what is it that I don’t like about my running my school? It would have been the business portion. And then maybe, what could I have done differently to? What could I have done differently to eliminate the things that I don’t like while still keeping what I love? Well, simply, I could have possibly hired someone. You know, I knew I was a little broke at the time, right. So, cause again, I was still trying to build a business, but there would have been ways I could have done it through bartering or free classes or whatever.
Sharise Parviz: 34:32
But I never even looked into that, partly because I felt like, well, I have to do it all myself, right, it was kind of like I have to do it. Or maybe because I had to prove something to myself, or it was just I was a control freak, quite honestly, and I didn’t want to give up the reins, but I made myself miserable and maybe if I’d made that adjustment, if I made one adjustment to something I didn’t like, then the process, the whole thing, would have been enjoyable again. So that’s another thing. If there is something that you don’t like but you know you don’t like, but you know I do want to do it, but I don’t like this aspect of it what can you do to make it more enjoyable Again? It could be as simple as walking the dog and putting in earphones, or it could be something like delegating to somebody else the portion you don’t like or the portion you’re not good at, and only doing what you want.
Sharise Parviz: 35:25
I gave you a lot of stuff to think about. Hopefully it all made sense. Now, in the end, I look back. When I came here, now that I am wiser, I don’t think the studio was where I wanted to stay anyway, because now that I am wiser, I know that I would run it differently now and the first thing I would do is get help. But I don’t really have that calling on my heart to open up another performing arts school. I mean, sometimes I miss the babies and their tutus and tap shoes, I have to admit or their little costumes and acting class, I mean, and you know, showcase time, recital time, those are fun times seeing the babies like that, but not enough. It’s not enough to start it over again. So, and that’s what I moved into what I’m doing now, which is coaching and and in health and wellness and life and relationships and energy healing and all that. So a lot of stuff I gave you today.
Sharise Parviz: 36:24
This is a longer podcast than normal, but, again, how do you know? How do you get out of your rut? How do you get out of your rut and find the things that bring you happiness and joy you do like? Why do you like them? What do they give you? What do they give you? Then, once you have those things that you like and what they give you and you want to add more into your life, determine which of these things are things you need to find substitutions for by asking the three questions Is it good for me, or will it be good for me, and will it feel good to me? Is it good for others and does it serve the greater good? If you can say yes to all those things, then that may be something you want to keep, if you have something on your dislike list. But you know you want to keep doing it. You just dislike some portions of it. How can you take things from your like list and add them to the dislike list? Hmm, I know that’s a lot to think about, but you’ve got this podcast. Rewind it, take notes and I’ll put the transcript. I’m trying to find a better transcription service, because the one I currently have is really bad, although it could have been because of my cold and now that I can speak a little clearer now, maybe it can pick up more of my voice.
Sharise Parviz: 37:51
Anyway, so get out of your rut. Find what brings you joy, find what brings you happiness, find what makes you laugh and fills your life. It is, life is too short to live it sitting in a rut, spinning your wheels. Don’t do it. Don’t do it to yourself, don’t do it to your family. Remember, this is be a leading lady, and a leading lady leads herself first and then is able to influence and lead others through her love and through her influence and through her joy. And you could be the influence. Well, you will be the influence. Let’s be honest, we all will. Whether we believe it or not, we will influence generations that come after us, how do we want to influence them? And that all begins with what you do right now for yourself. What you decide for yourself will start the chain reaction. So make your list dislike like list and then see how you can bring that like, those likes more into your life. All right, that is it.
Sharise Parviz: 38:59
This podcast was long, but have a beautiful day, have a wonderful day. Feel free to reach out at my website, at my website, at contact, at shariseparviz.com Again, this should be on Spotify by now. I think so. If it’s not, it will be. It just means we had some technical difficulties which we’re still working out. But anyway, have a beautiful day and I look forward. Share me, share your likes, share your likes with me. I look forward to hearing about it. All right, be well, bye-bye.