20 – What To Do When the Answers Just Won’t Come
I share my conversation I had with my son in helping him learn to let go and have faith when the answers just won’t come.
I recorded this episode before November elections and had forgotten about it, but still thought it would benefit to share.
Transcript
Sharise Parviz: 0:42
What do you do when the answers just don’t come? I was having a conversation with my son the other day and well, my son, he’s in California. A little bit background on him he is married to a lovely woman and they live in California and he is currently finishing up his time in the police academy and also his time in the national guard. So I think he has two more years in the national guard and I think he has I. December is when, I think, he finishes the police academy and he starts his career as a police officer, and I’m very proud of him. Well, I am proud of him all. Well, I am proud of him All. Right, so I’m just going to get real here. I love you, garrett. I’m very proud of my son. I’m very proud that he wants to serve his country both in the military as well as a police officer. It’s just, I mean, I’m worried. I’m sure that’s true of every mother whose son you know serves. You know, daughter or son. It’s just, I mean, I’m worried. I’m sure that’s true of every mother whose son you know serves. You know, daughter or son. It’s very difficult and what makes it so much more difficult is the time we’re in, right, there’s not a whole lot of love, though, for the police, and you know the way I mean, how many wars are we in right now? And it it’s. Please don’t think that I don’t again support our military. I absolutely appreciate the sacrifice they make to serving us, to serving this country, to protecting us, because that’s what they’re doing. You know, they’re putting their lives on the line for us, so, absolutely, I hold them in the highest regard, and whether that is our military, our police, our firefighters, any of our first son and this is just not a good time I’m like Garrett baby at any other time I don’t. Of course, baby, I support you, and if this is what you’re being called to do, then you know I’m going to love you and support you, no matter what. I am on your side. And could you wait till after these four years are over? Could you try it under a different administration? Oh, because he joined in 2020, yeah, yeah.
Sharise Parviz: 3:16
So, yeah, there’s a yeah, there’s a lot of mixed emotions. I have a super, super, duper proud, and, of course, concern, which is normal. And then I got the whole concern on top of that concern, because, well, you know, the whole freaking world is going to pot right now. But, all that being said, I know God’s got him. So we’re good. We’re good.
Sharise Parviz: 3:38
You know, children got to do what they got to do. They got to walk their journey. All we can do is pray and when they seek it for guidance, we give it to them, not unsolicited, you know. They get to an age when you no longer can just tell them what you feel all the time. Sometimes you know you need to wait until they’re ready to ask. So this weekend my son asked.
Sharise Parviz: 4:07
So I was kind of just going over some things that were happening in our lives and I was talking to him about what I was hearing God tell me. And he’s like Mom, stop, what do you mean God’s? I think I told him that you know God was speaking to me. He’s what do you mean? God speaks to you? I mean I don’t get that. Explain that to me. I don’t understand. And I said Well, I said it’s different. It’s different for everyone. Yeah, I said for me.
Sharise Parviz: 4:36
It’s a feeling I think I shared before that, just starting this podcast, it felt like God was poking his finger into my shoulder, like just pestering me, and I call that the divine nag. That’s the divine nag. It’s the nagging that won’t give you any peace until you say all right, fine, let’s go, let’s do it. Fine, stop, stop nagging. Yeah, okay, that is the divine nag and that’s for me. I feel it in my body, it’s just. It’s just this nagging feeling in my body that I need to do something. I need to do this, I need to go talk to this person and I find out that they have cancer or or something else. And that’s happened quite a bit, not always cancer, but you know that someone needed someone to talk to and God had told me, you know, again, in this way, it’s in my body of feeling hey, you need to go talk to that person. It’s just a drawing to this person and like I gotta go talk to him and God’s going yeah, you need to go talk to that person. It’s just a drawing to this person and like I got to go talk to him and God’s going yeah, you need to go talk to him, okay. So then I go and I realize, oh, that’s why, anyway.
Sharise Parviz: 5:46
So I was explaining this to my son. I said now there have been times where I’ve literally heard his voice. Now people are going to argue, and that’s not really God and that’s fine, but to me it was because, honey, it saved my life. Okay so, and it was a voice I didn’t recognize, and it’s it’s only happened a couple of times in my life and it’s just one word. It’s either, yes, it was, it happened, just like. Maybe I can’t remember two or three times in my life that I heard a voice and it was yes, and it was run. And the time that it was run I was eight years old and I shared this story with my son is starting to let him also you know, he’s an adult now to get to learn about that his mom, you know, and you know his mom’s childhood and stuff.
Sharise Parviz: 6:37
So I was eight years old, we had just moved from Colorado and we lived in the suburbs of Colorado and we ended up moving into the inner city of Ohio and but we didn’t, we didn’t change our behavior at all, which we learned very quickly that we needed to. So I was walking to school, because I typically walked to school when I was in Colorado. So I walked to school in Ohio and there was some guy as I was walking to school and a man running behind me and I didn’t you know, I was a kid, I don’t know. I turned, started kept walking, kept walking, so and he finally caught up with me and he was behind me and I was starting to get scared. I remember being scared and he started touching me in places, um, and I started walking faster and and then, you know, he stopped me and I just froze and he said, hey, why don’t you come back with me to the uh? Just froze. And he said, hey, why don’t you come back with me to the uh, back here, you know? And I was just frozen and he came to grab me and I heard in my right ear, I heard the word run and man, I took off like a shot, man, I was gone, I was out of there and I ran all the way to school. Oh, I’m telling you you, you know, and then the office called the authorities and you know, anyway, yeah, so that was that time.
Sharise Parviz: 8:04
And so in those cases I’m, you know you may say it’s not God, maybe it wasn’t, I don’t know, maybe it was an angel, you know, god’s messenger, but it was a voice I did not recognize and saved my life. And the other couple of times, when I heard a strong yes, it was something that turned out really, really, really good. So, yeah, I’m going to say that was God, but most of the time I feel it in my body. So I was explaining this to my son. I said, but some people, you know, they hear it like an audible, a voice. Some people might see things, maybe it’s a word, they might see a word or they might, you know, have a vision. I mean, this may sound crazy to some people, but I don’t think it is. So.
Sharise Parviz: 8:52
There are different ways that we experience knowing, the higher wisdom, the higher knowing that I believe comes from God. And so I was explaining this to him and he said you know, well, I’ve been, I’ve been praying because he’s trying to get some answers to some things. And he says I just can’t seem to get an answer. And I’ve been, I’ve been praying for it. And I said, you know, I said, let me, let me, let me say this to you. I’m not saying I hear from God all the time. I don’t, and a lot of times I don’t hear from him on the things I really want to hear from him on. I’d like some answers here, god. And he’s like radio silence. It’s like, well, hello, hello, knock, knock, knock. You asked me to knock, I’m knocking, okay. But I told him.
Sharise Parviz: 9:41
I said, but maybe that’s where faith comes in. And so when I don’t hear from God and if there’s a decision I need to make or if there’s a path that I’m thinking about going down or whatever it is and I’m sorry, I’m driving today because I have an early morning class so I can’t walk. So you know you’re on the road with me today. So I said I pray, that I say Lord, I’m going to give it to you. I’m going to give it to you because I don’t know where you want me to do here. I’m not getting a yay or nay here, so I am going to give it to you that you are going to lead me and guide my steps, because that’s what you say you do and you will close any door. I am not supposed to walk into and open the doors to the ones that I do.
Sharise Parviz: 10:28
And I said, yeah, that’s where faith comes in, that’s where we just have to go, continue, go, step forward in faith and believe that God will direct you and an understanding that he may have. You take a step in a direction, right, that can then just takes you into another direction. It’s like you know, I got to go down this road for two blocks before I take a right to get on the street. I really want to be on, and so God will guide your steps, but you just have to just have faith. And and I told him. I said you know something else that really this is a, this is a lesson that I learned, and my son is a lot like me, so I talk about the lessons that I’ve learned because he and I are so much alike that I know he’ll get it. A lot of the lessons I’ve learned he’s now learning.
Sharise Parviz: 11:27
So I said, you know, gare, my whole life I always try to force things to happen, always, and part of it was probably that I had to always be in control. I’m sharing this with you now. I didn’t share this with my son, it wasn’t the right time, but I said, well, let me tell you first. So telling you my, my, my driving buddy right now. I’m telling you, you know, I had so many control issues because as a child I had no control.
Sharise Parviz: 11:55
Meaning I know children don’t have control anyway, but meaning I didn’t have any control over the abuse or I didn’t have any control over the neglect or these things that I just didn’t have control over or even whether there was food to eat or not. And so, as I, when I grew up, I became super controlling, right, and I had to control every aspect of my life, the food I ate, I mean, and that my refrigerator was full all the time, even if that meant food rotted in the refrigerator, man, we were not going to be without food, you know, because that’s what you know when you grew up, not having any food and you want that refrigerator stocked, so anyway. So, but control was a huge issue for me, and so what I’m going back to explaining to my son, I said, you know, but I controlled things almost to my grave Gare and I, you know, would just force it and force it. And I’m like, especially if it’s something I really, really wanted, like I could, it was like, oh my God, I got to have this, I got to have this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this, and I mean every part of my being felt like I wanted this thing Right, and so I would do everything I could to force it to happen.
Sharise Parviz: 13:20
And you know, I guess I got to a point where I was like I’m not doing that anymore. I’m just not going to do that Because I’m so busy, or was so busy, forcing something to happen it cost me my health or it cost me money. I mean, it cost me my time or it cost me my standards. You know, it never cost me my integrity, that I would, that I would never go that far, but I would. I mean the money I’ve lost and the time I’ve lost, and you know my standards, just lowering them or compromising my standards. For what? Because I had to have this thing and I was going to make it happen no matter what.
Sharise Parviz: 13:52
And and I thought, you know that that’s crazy, you know why would I want to do that? And a lot of the times, well, actually all the time that I had to force something, it never came out. Well, you know, there are just some dreams that I’m very, very happy never came true. I’m like Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you that that dream never came true. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you that that dream never came true. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Um, there are just some dreams. We have that man. We’re looking back, we’re like, oh, I am so thankful that one, uh, yeah, that one would have been a nightmare, so thank you that it didn’t come true.
Sharise Parviz: 14:32
But when I stopped forcing things to happen and so I had made the decision that you know, after all the craziness that happened, you know, four years ago, three, you know three, or four, four years ago, I guess at this point, yeah, 2020. I, like, I’m not, I’m not going to force things anymore. I will do the, the, the appropriate, the necessary steps that are appropriate to do for what I want, okay. But once it starts costing me too much time or too much money, or too much stress, or too much aggravation, or or I lower my standards and start compromising on what I want or what it is, when that starts to happen, then I go it’s time for me to back up, it’s time for me to step away from it. Because at that point I know, yeah, I’m forcing this thing and it’s not going to turn out well.
Sharise Parviz: 15:36
And I’m not saying you don’t work, we have to do the work, right. I mean, you know, I’m not saying that, I’m not saying you know, just throw your hands up in the air and sit on your butt, you go oh Lord’s got this, I’ll leave it all up to God. You do it, lord, no, no, no. God calls us to do our part. And at the same time, when we tune into ourselves, we know when it’s just gone too far, we know when we’re forcing it to happen. And when we get to that point that’s what I told my son back off of it, let it be, give it to God and that’s. I know that’s not easy because we’re like, but I really, really want this, you know, or I, okay, I get it, do what’s necessary and then give it to God.
Sharise Parviz: 16:20
Because when we force things and force things and force things, boy, I’ll tell you, not only does a lot of those quote unquote dreams that we fought for and I’m not saying we didn’t work for it, work for it, but if we got to fight for it, and and it and it destroys our health and it destroys our peace of mind and it destroys relationships. You know I said, ah, those are, that’s a nightmare. And not only are you potentially most likely I’m not going to say 100% guaranteed, but 99% guaranteed of creating for yourself a nightmare of what you thought was going to be a dream, but now I think God goes. This is what I think. I have no proof of this, but just my opinion when that happens, because I have the experience of it. So I’m just going to say from my experience and from experiences from people that I know, when we get to a point that we’re forcing so hard, I feel that God just kind of throws up his hands and says you know, you really want this, you think you really want this, okay, you can have it. Let’s see what you do with that, let’s see how good that goes right. And so I think he does that. I mean that’s a whole freedom of choice thing.
Sharise Parviz: 17:39
Because we’re so intent on doing it our way and making it happen intent on doing it our way and making it happen, so we aren’t only could be destroying ourselves in the process of, you know quote unquote chasing our dream. We’re also possibly chasing a nightmare in disguise, and what’s really awful, awfully sad. And is that not only are we? And is that not only are we? You know, getting a nightmare, what’s turning into a nightmare? What we’ve actually done is close the doors, those doors of opportunity to the real dream that’s waiting for us, because we filled our lives so much with so much forcing and making it happen. And I’m gonna do this by god.
Sharise Parviz: 18:31
And I’m not saying we don’t work for things, I’m not saying we don’t strive for things. I’m saying you know the difference between what’s appropriate and what is throwing you completely off track. When you learn how to listen to your inner wisdom, that inner knowing from that higher self, that higher place inside of us, when we know, tune into that, we know yeah, no, no, this isn’t right, yeah. And so at that point we go, okay, are we going to continue to force this or are we going to give it to God, like, let you know, okayah, sirah, whatever will be will be. And what I told my son is.
Sharise Parviz: 19:09
At that point I would say it’s time to let go and just believe that it, if it, if, if it is meant to be, it will be. And if it’s not, be glad you didn’t force it, because you could have created for yourself a complete nightmare. I mean, come on. I mean how many relationships are you glad didn’t work out Right? How many jobs and interviews are you glad you didn’t get?
Sharise Parviz: 19:40
I mean I look back on my life and all so many things I thought I wanted. You know relationships, jobs, careers, whatever you know things in my life and I go, oh yeah, that would not have been good. And I’m just like, wow, you know how thankful I am. Just, ooh, I cringe going. Oh God, I was so close to that. Oh no, you know, we can look back in our lives and see that. Okay, I won’t speak for myself. I can look back on my life and see it.
Sharise Parviz: 20:13
So I just said to my son look, when I decided to give up the control and again, being a control freak, that’s hard for me, I used to be, I’m better at it now. You know, all things take practice. But when I gave up control and I just focused on my faith that all will turn out exactly as it’s supposed to, and I trust, did I do the work that was necessary? Yes, I did. I do my little check mark. Okay, then I’ve paid those dues. Right now Let it go. And that’s untrust and that’s hard, I know. And I’ll tell you what having faith and believing that it’s going to work out the way it’s supposed to work out.
Sharise Parviz: 20:58
Well, not only has it that happened for us, for me and for my husband. We decided this on together. We had some decisions to make that we would have to be forced to really make some really, you know, compromises. I mean not personal compromises to our character, but really financial compromises. And we’re like, really, you know, and I, you know, forget it, we’re not, we’re not doing it. This, if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna work that hard for it, I’m not gonna sacrifice that much. And it worked out beautifully. And not only did we get what we wanted, we got it exactly what we wanted it for.
Sharise Parviz: 21:37
Financially, it’s like holy cow, how’d that happen happen? Well, because we let go and are we trusted and that it was going to happen or it wasn’t, and it did, and we were, we got it. But we would have been okay because we knew, hey, if this doesn’t work out, something better is down the road, that’s it. So I shared that with my son and he said, yeah, mom, I’ve been used to forcing things too. And I was thinking to myself, yeah, gare, I know. That’s why I shared that with you. I said, yeah, baby, I know.
Sharise Parviz: 22:16
I said, you know, try this, just, give it a go, experiment Just. And you know, if you have to take a step forward on the path, take it forward. But just pray to God. Hey, guide me, please, don’t let me take one step without you. Yeah, and that was our conversation about what do you do when the answers just won’t come. All right, I don’t know. It helped him, hopefully, maybe it. Maybe it helps you too, maybe. Anyway, if it did, let me know. Let me know, get on, I think we are on spotify now. We made it, we gotta, so feel free to contact me there or you can contact me at my website. I’m on all the social media, so feel free to just reach out. Love to hear from you. All right, talk to you soon. Bye-bye.