18 – How To Get More Love In your Life (even when you don’t feel loved)
How to experience more love in your life-even when you feel unloved. It’s easier than you think…
Transcript
Sharise Parviz: 0:59
first I wanna give you a update on what’s been happening with me at my at-home retreat. Come on, Today little one’s walking with me. There’s deer all around us right now and she’s a little spooked, and so she’s kind of looking around. It’s okay, come on, we’re going, let’s go. All right, she’ll follow, anyway. So what’s happening today?
Sharise Parviz: 1:23
Okay, so I’ve got my right splits. I do so. I had lost all my splits right, left and middle splits and so I have my right splits, my left split not quite there yet, I still have to keep my hands on my blocks, my yoga blocks, but that’s all right, it’s coming. And then I’m also working my middle splits, which I haven’t quite, which I lost as well, and that’s okay. You know, the body remembers what it does and it goes. Oh yeah, I remember this and you gently just remind it. You know, daily, every other day, gently remind that, hey, this is where we’re going. Again, follow along, let’s go, and it will obey your family or your family. Your body is there to serve you, so do it. Yep, I guess your body is your family, isn’t it Right? Part of your internal family, part of you, so part of the part of you that supports you. Okay, anyway, let’s move on. So, anyway, so, um, and then what I am going to be doing is I’m going to be actually um once I have my own splits done.
Sharise Parviz: 2:34
The next project I’m going to be working on is my split program. So my split program. We start with learning open hip splits and open hip splits and we, of course, everybody at their own level. But open hip splits is where the back hip is open and it’s a little more. It’s a little easier to begin with, it’s an easier split. So we start with open hip splits, working towards those. Once those are achieved or, at the same time, once we’re making some progression with that, then we do closed hip splits, and that’s where both hips are facing forward in your split position a little more difficult, and then we work on middle splits. So this is my split program that I have taken my dancers through and my yoga students through the split program right, working on the splits and actually after I get off of my at-home retreat, it is the next program that I am actually going to be shooting to go online for my virtual leading lady experience.
Sharise Parviz: 3:34
Yes, I am, and prior to that I’m going to do a free, complimentary six-week very intro beginning build slowly six-week yoga class to get started. Build slowly six week yoga class to get started, just to get the basics under folks feet who may be new to yoga or who may be coming back to it, you know, or just coming back to just to moving their body altogether. So there we go. I will let you know when that happens and when I do yoga I love well, I love lots of things, but I will bring in, obviously, you know, meditation, self-directed meditation. I usually work in themes, so it’ll be a Bible verse or a Bible passage and then, working with that theme, I will sometimes pull in sound healing, would pull in sound healing, humming or toning as a class oh gosh, you know music, tuning forks. So there’s a lot of different things I like bringing into my yoga class than just making it. You know, just about stretching, okay, and my yoga classes are a little different. You know they’re. They are yoga, but I also implement Pilates and dance stretching as well as athletic stretching in my classes. Again, this is what I took my dancers through and now take my yoga students through in person that I’m going to bring to you online live. So I got to get my splits first. After I get my splits and I’ll teach them to you Anyway, so that’s where we are, so, all right.
Sharise Parviz: 5:12
So on to what I was inspired to talk to you today about. I wanted to talk to you about so many things today. I had a very inspirational talk this weekend and I thought, oh, I’ll share that. And then I thought, oh, you know, I want to share about my detox baths, so all these things. But then, when I was actually doing my yoga meditation in the morning because that’s what I do first thing in the morning and I do it with my Bible devotions, so is my yoga, and so but what really came to my mind is about grace and compassion and mercy and love, and how we can bring more of those things into our lives I mean into our lives without anybody else how we can bring them into our lives. So I thought I’d talk to you about that today, all right.
Sharise Parviz: 6:09
So how do we do that? You know, so much of our time is spent on trying. Oh, you know, this may not be right for you, so, as I say, try it on. If it doesn’t fit, put it back on the rack where it came from. But much of our lives are spent and can be spent, I’ll say, in trying to gain approval, gain love, gain acceptance, and whether that’s from our families or from our peers, or from our friends or peers growing up, or friends or spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever, or friends or spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever. And we don’t realize that there is plenty of love inside us. And while we can’t change people because we can’t right, we are really only in power over our actions, over our feelings, over our responses. We can’t change others, we can pray for them. You know, and as I was talking to a woman this weekend that I was at an event, for I was talking to a woman and she was struggling, and I’ll share that story another day but you know, and I was just reminding her that the only thing we have power over is ourselves. We have power. How we wake up in the morning. We have the power to decide what we’re going to feel.
Sharise Parviz: 7:37
The truth is is that emotions are not something that happen to us. They’re something we do. That’s the truth. We think they happen to us. I feel angry, I’m angry, I’m this, I’m that, I’m that. Well, you may feel that way, but you’re choosing to as well, and that goes back to our perception. Whatever we perceive, or whatever meaning we give to an experience, will determine how we feel about it. So, as I mentioned before, sometimes when I’m judgmental or critical, I’ve learned to turn the channel, and it actually can’t be just that easy. Turn the channel.
Sharise Parviz: 8:17
Now, that doesn’t mean we avoid our feelings. Our feelings are, I told you before, you know. Our feelings you know, if you remember, are our friends and they’re messengers, and there’s nothing wrong with any feeling. They’re there to tell you something right. At the same time, if we know that we’re stuck in an unhealthy loop of an emotion, we can turn the channel. If we know it’s something that we don’t want to experience and we don’t need to experience, it’s maybe just become a habit we turn the channel.
Sharise Parviz: 8:44
So our emotions are really what we allow to happen to us. We allow these emotions right, and we can turn them off or turn them on. We can indulge in them and sit in them for hours and hours, or we can feel them, express them, appreciate them and then give them what they need to heal and move forward. Right, so our emotions are ours to control, but other people’s emotions are not ours to control. So what do we do? So when we want to feel love and we don’t let’s say we have a parent or, you know, an adult child, or maybe your spouse, you know, of course we can always communicate with them and that’s, you know, another topic. But what I really want you to understand today, I really want to share with you today, is that, regardless of what anybody expresses to you, you can always feel love, feel compassion, feel merciful, feel grace, Because if you express those things, those feelings fill your heart. So come on love. The only love that we are ever guaranteed in this life is love we put out, because if we can control what emotions we bring in, we can control what emotions we put out. And as we put forward our, our emotions, we feel those emotions.
Sharise Parviz: 10:22
You know, as an actor, there’s a couple of different ways that actors can work, and one of them is called outside in, acting, and the other one is called inside out. Now there’s other terms for them, like method acting and so forth and so forth, and that’s like inside out. So what do I mean by that? Outside in means so my character at this moment is supposed to be angry, right, and so I don’t really feel anger right now. Right, I just had a blast. We just told a funny joke backstage.
Sharise Parviz: 10:52
I don’t feel anger, okay, but when I pound my hand on the, my fist on the table, my body remembers that movement and your body will respond by feeling angry, right. So our physically, that’s called outside in. We’re doing something outside of ourselves, outside of our emotions. We’re pounding on the table, we’re grimacing in our face, where we’re doing something physical, okay, bringing some type of stimulus, external stimulus, and that starts the internal emotion. Right, it begins to the feeling. So we pound our fist on the table and we maybe we growl or we do something or we screw up our face and some angry whatever, and then angry, you know facial expression, and then our body kind of goes oh yeah, I know what this feeling is. This is being really PO’d right now, and then you start to feel it, those feelings start to come out.
Sharise Parviz: 11:54
So that’s outside in, okay, and inside out is also called method acting. And one way of being inside out is you recall certain memories in your own life that you know pretty much, can, uh, are similar to what the character is feeling loss of a loved one or whatever it is. But whatever your character is supposed to be feeling in this moment, you conjure up your own memory of a time when you felt that way, right, or a time when you could, you know, or if you’ve never really felt that way, you know, can you imagine feeling that way? And through that imagining we bring up something on the inside of us, right? And so when we do that, we either bring up a memory or internal imagining of it, and then that feeling stirs up. Right, that’s coming inside out, the feeling is coming from the inside, and then we’re expressing it on the outside. Versus outside in is we’re expressing it on the outside, which makes the feeling come up on the inside, okay. So, again, our emotions are completely able to be manipulated all the time, right?
Sharise Parviz: 13:08
Just the music you hear in movies or in TV shows or commercials. If you watch the spooky movie. I used to give this assignment to my acting students. If you watch the spooky movies and I brought this into my clients too, because they’re trying to understand that we really are in control of our emotions right, so watch a spooky movie, but turn down the sound. Watch a sad. You know one of those like, okay, why do you cry at AT&T commercials? Maybe you don’t, but I have right, right, okay, you know, obviously it’s visually, you know, the daughter dancing with the father at the wedding or whatever it is, or the son calling up his mother or whatever, right. And so these are obviously the visuals are stimulating that emotion.
Sharise Parviz: 13:53
But the other thing is the music. I mean, if you like music, you listen to music, you know. Music, you know, brings up all these different emotions. You listen to some power rock. I mean, I’m talking about real rock and roll from the 70s and the 80s. Power like metal or hard rock or classic rock, and you’re like rawr and you’re headbanging in the car and you just feel ferocious, right Versus a sentimental love song, right, and your feelings, if you listen. Well, for me I could be in the car and I could be listening to one song and I’m just bawling, I’m just crying, and my kids are looking at me like mom and I’m just crying, I’m crying, and then they’ll put on something else. I’m listening, then I’m laughing or I’m, you know, headbanging or pounding my fist, like within an instant. I mean, that is how well for me, that’s how music has always moved me very much. But that’s the whole point of music, right? It’s to make you feel something. That’s the whole point of art, really. You know, help you think or feel something.
Sharise Parviz: 14:52
Okay, so, anyway, we’re manipulated all the time, either by external influences or through ourselves. We manipulate ourselves all the time, all right, all that being said, so where was I going with all of this? Okay, so love. So, while we can’t change others, we can’t make anybody love us, we can’t make anybody appreciate us, we, we can’t make anyone accept us. But what we can is we can do those things for ourselves and for others. And what I really want to point out here is what we can do for others and how that fills our own bucket.
Sharise Parviz: 15:44
So, if I can’t get some force someone to love me, right, which we can’t but every time that I express that love, every time I put love out away from me and put it forward. I feel that love inside my heart, out away from me, and put it forward. I feel that love inside my heart that fills my own bucket, that fills my own heart. So I can feel love anytime when I put it out there. So if I’m feeling unloved, I will go and love. I will go and do the opposite of what I’m feeling. I feel unloved, I’m going to go share some love with someone, and maybe that’s through a smile or maybe that’s through a showing gratitude towards someone, maybe that’s through a hug. I will share my love to someone else and guess what that does? That fills me up with love. If I share my compassion for someone else, that fills myself up with compassion. Mercy for someone else fills me up with mercy.
Sharise Parviz: 16:48
So I can have all these beautiful feelings anytime I want, not by from somebody else, not by getting it from somebody else or trying to demand it from somebody else, which doesn’t work. You can’t do it. People are their own. You know they’re their own people. They’re their own selves. They have to decide if they want to give that to you. You can’t demand it, but you can give it, and when you give it, you receive it, and so that’s available to you all the time. Now we know that God loves us all the time as well.
Sharise Parviz: 17:22
We don’t always feel that, though. Right, I mean we don’t. Let’s be honest. The one thing I am is honest. I am not going to BS anybody anytime, sometimes a little too honest. That’s why I’m not in the political world, and my husband is, because he’s much more diplomatic about things like that, or I’m just like no, this is the way it is and this all needs to change, like now. Okay, so I don’t step into that arena anymore, because it doesn’t put me in a. It puts me in a place that I am not where I want to be in.
Sharise Parviz: 17:55
Right, that’s another way we can control our emotions. If we know that a certain situation puts us in an emotional frame that we really just don’t wanna be in, maybe we need to remove ourselves from the situation. If we can’t, sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we have to change our perception. It’s not important for me enough to change my perception to get involved in politics. My husband’s doing that. Let him do it. I’ll share my struggles or worries with him and say, hey, this is what I’m concerned about. Please bring this up in the next meeting or whatever, and he will. He’ll you know, when it’s appropriate timing, he will bring that up and that’s it. So we work together on that, right? So? So that’s one other way I control my emotions is by saying you know, this situation isn’t a place where I feel my best, where I feel I can be my higher self, my best self, and so I think I’m just going to remove myself from this situation. Okay, and again it’s. I don’t have to be there, right, that’s my husband. Now, if it’s my family, or so, well, we’ll talk about it another time. How do we handle our emotions around our family? But again, this is one way I’m saying you know, my dad, let’s go back to my dad.
Sharise Parviz: 19:07
I’ve been talking a lot about my dad. I actually do have other people in my family, but for some reason my dad keeps coming up. I think it’s because he’s he’s on my mind a lot right now, because he’s older and he’s starting to lose his memory. And you know, I’ve been reaching out and I’m concerned. So he, you know, he doesn’t connect with me and I don’t. I don’t hold any grudge against him, but he doesn’t connect with me. So I’m not receiving, even though I would love it. I would love for him to tell me he loves me and you know all these things, and have a wonderful relationship with him. But that’s just not the way it is. So for a while I just didn’t connect with him and because I felt, well, this is just what he wants, so, okay, I’ll give him what he wants.
Sharise Parviz: 19:52
And then, the more and more I thought about you know, he’s closer and closer, you know getting older. And then, you know, after my mom passing you know I told you that was a big wake up call for me on a lot of different ways. I thought, you know, this is silly. I’m going to reach out to my dad and he can take it. However he takes it, it doesn’t make any difference, because somebody is going to think what they’re going to think about you, no matter what you do.
Sharise Parviz: 20:18
Really, if they’re determined to think ill of you, they will think ill of you, no matter what. There are some people, no matter how hard you try, you will never get their approval and that’s why it’s important to not try. We can’t be seeking other people’s approval and think that’s going to fulfill us, because then if they take that approval away for some reason, then what we’re lost, we’re empty. That’s why we have to give it to ourselves and remember that God has already given it to us. I mean, we have the source that already has given us all the love, all the compassion, all the mercy, all the grace that we could ever need. So if someone pulls away, we’re not lost, because our source, our rock, our foundation, is not in that other person, it’s in God, and it’s how we determine how we feel in ourselves, what we choose.
Sharise Parviz: 21:17
So, even though my dad didn’t show any interest in reaching out to me I thought this is silly my heart, I’m going to reach out to him. I don’t want anything back from him. He doesn’t have to connect with me back, but I am going to share my love to him because that’s what was in my heart. And so and he didn’t have to respond, he didn’t and he didn’t, but I just emailed him. And I just emailed him and I just said, just reminded I mean not reminded him, but I shared with him some of the memories that I had when I was a little girl, that were very joyful, the joyful time in our relationship, and I just that was very short, and I just said I love you, dad and that was it. And you know, I don’t even know if he read it. Well, I do know now that he read it, but at the time I’m like he may if he read it. Well, I do know now that he read it, but at the time I’m like he may not even read it.
Sharise Parviz: 22:11
But my spirit is calling out to share my love with my dad, regardless of if he receives it or not. Okay and um, I didn’t hear back and first off, it was okay if I didn’t hear back, because I felt like, hey, I did the right thing. I felt I did the right thing. I felt I did what God was calling me to do and I felt so much love inside me and I felt so much forgiveness and so much compassion for him, for me, for my childhood, for my childhood Not just a victim, but compassion for everyone that was involved in those times. I felt compassion for all of it. So, by me sharing my love, I received it back and that is all in my control. I’m the one responsible. So how do you bring more love into your life, along with more compassion, more grace and mercy and all the beautiful things, more peace, more joy? I’m looking around and I’m just how do you do it? You do it by giving it away. How do you do it? You do it by giving it away. That’s how you do it.
Sharise Parviz: 23:44
So every day I wake up and I say, lord, make me useful today, every moment, whether I’m working with a client, whether it’s with my family, whether I’m working with a client, whether it’s with my family, whether it’s with my just strangers on the street, or wherever I go today, whatever place that I connect with people today, let me be an image of you. Let me be an image of love, of acceptance. Let me look them in the eye and let them see, let them see me, see them. So when I go to that coffee shop and I get my coffee and, yeah, I haven’t since on my retreat, but I have gotten tea though but when I go in, let me really see them and let them see me acknowledge them, because, you know, sometimes servers really feel underappreciated sometimes, you know. And so every day I wake up asking for the Lord to let me make the best impact I can when I go out into the world and in my life today, and let me appreciate others around me, and with that I appreciate myself. All that appreciation is inside of me, too, that I can now give me.
Sharise Parviz: 25:02
So you can’t force anyone to love you. You can’t make somebody make you feel good. That’s all in our power. That’s all in our control. God has given us that power. So you want to feel more of it? Then share more of it. You want more of those beautiful feelings in your life? Then give those feelings away.
Sharise Parviz: 25:25
So that is what I wanted to share with you today, and I hope that you will take today and just maybe say the same thing, have the same intention. Let me be, let me share everything that I want to feel. Let me give that away. Let me give it away. Let me be exactly what I want. Let me give the gift that I want to receive. All right, that is it. Oh, have a beautiful day. It’s beautiful, it’s cool right now, with just a little brisk of fall air and the leaves are turning, and right now the sun is shining and I can’t decide if she’s coming or going. So I am going to get out of here. All right. Have a beautiful day, take care. Bye-bye.