Are you a midlife woman feeling stuck, like your thoughts are a broken record of self-doubt, guilt, or worst-case scenarios? Hey there, trailblazers—it’s Sharise, your Legacy Igniter, ready to help you break free from those mental traps! I’m not here to add fluff to your life—I’m all about educating you with real tips and tools to make a difference, because I bet you’re a bit like me, not just satisfied with the ‘what’ but craving the ‘why’ behind it all. Let’s start by uncovering the sneaky thought patterns that keep you stuck—the ones I call mental traps. These mental traps are called cognitive distortions, and they’re like warped lenses that mess with how you see the world, relationships, and yourself—twisting reality into stories that can sabotage your joy. We all have these distortions, so there’s no shame in it! The good news is, when we become aware of them, we can shift them to live a better life, have better health, and build better relationships. With the Leading Lady Solutions Way, I’ll give you simple, powerful strategies to feel empowered with the knowledge to move your life forward—and best of all, you’ll be stepping into the truth God has for you. Let’s dive in and tackle those distortions head-on!

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Cognitive distortions are inaccurate ways of viewing the world that skew your perspective, making it hard to see things as they really are. They’re the made-up stories in your head that feel oh-so-real, impacting your relationships, career, and entire life. Here are the most common distortions we fall into:

• Mental Filter: Zooming in on the negative, ignoring the good—like focusing only on a criticism while brushing off praise.
• Disqualifying the Positive: The “yes, but…” attitude, where you discount positive experiences (e.g., “I did well, but it doesn’t count because…”).
• Jumping to Conclusions: Making snap judgments with little evidence, like assuming someone dislikes you without proof.
• Overgeneralization: Turning a specific event into a universal truth (e.g., “I failed once, so I’ll always fail”).
• All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking): Using words like “never,” “always,” or “every” to describe situations, leaving no room for nuance.
• Catastrophizing: Downplaying the good and exaggerating the bad, turning a small setback into a disaster.
• Personalization: Taking all the blame for negative events, as if you’re the sole cause of everything that goes wrong.
• “Shoulds”: Letting “shoulds” drive guilt, shame, and inadequacy (e.g., “I should be perfect,” leading to perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking).
• Hypothesis (Just World Fallacy): Believing the world is fair, so you assume your circumstances are deserved, even when they’re not.
• Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking (e.g., “They must think I’m a failure”).
• Emotional Reasoning: Believing your feelings reflect reality (e.g., “I feel worthless, so I must be worthless”).

Practices to Overcome Negative Beliefs and Behaviors

Let’s use a powerful way to challenge your thinking—along with some faith-filled practices—to rewire your mind and step into truth. Here’s how to break free:

1. Discover the Underlying Belief

Identify the hidden belief fueling your distortion. For example, if you’re catastrophizing (“This setback means I’m doomed”), ask: What belief is driving this? Maybe it’s “I’m not enough.” Ask yourself, “Who says I’m not enough? Where did this idea come from?” Digging into this belief can make the distortion fade, freeing you to see God’s truth about your worth.

2. Challenge Myths with Specificity

Most distortions stem from myths you believe about yourself, others, or the world—like “I always fail.” Challenge this by asking: “Does this always happen? Can you think of a time you succeeded?” By getting specific, you’ll see the myth doesn’t hold up, empowering you to stand up for what you deserve and rewrite the story.

3. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness keeps your mind in the present, where distortions can’t thrive. When you’re present, you notice emotions and stress without letting them run the show. Ask: “What am I feeling right now?” Tap into your gut—your God-given wisdom—to balance emotion and logic, shutting down distortions like emotional reasoning or mind reading.

4. Stop Judging—Start Describing

Judging others or yourself fuels distortions like personalization or “shoulds.” Flip the switch: describe situations with facts, not opinions or emotions. Instead of “They hate me,” try: “They didn’t smile when I walked in.” Ask: “What proof do I have for this judgment?” Put yourself in their shoes—we never fully know someone’s story. And don’t judge yourself either—when you mess up, let it go. Grace, not judgment, is the Leading Lady Way!

5. Embrace Extreme Self-Care

Extreme self-care is your shield against distortions—it’s about prioritizing what truly makes you feel whole, whether that’s rest, prayer, or a quiet walk. But make sure your choice serves you and doesn’t fuel regret later—like turning to food or other unhelpful habits that leave you feeling worse. Instead, ask yourself: “What does my heart need right now? What am I truly hungry for?” Is it connection, or maybe contribution? Helping others can be a powerful form of self-care too. I learned this years ago when I felt slighted by someone—were they really ignoring me, or was that just my mental distortion? Hmm. Regardless, I decided to counteract my feelings by giving to someone else. If I felt hurt because someone didn’t greet me, I made sure to greet another person with a big smile. That simple act of giving didn’t just lift them—it filled me up too, reminding me of the joy in serving others. When you’re cared for in a way that aligns with your heart, you’re less likely to spiral into all-or-nothing thinking or catastrophizing. So, ask: “What do I need right now to care for myself?” Then do it—no guilt allowed!

6. Reduce Stress to Stay Grounded

Stress makes you more sensitive to distortions like overgeneralization or jumping to conclusions. When you’re run down, your mind plays tricks. Counter this with stress-busting habits:

• Remove yourself from stressful situations when possible.
• Take deep breaths through the nostrils, focusing on a longer exhale.
• Practice self-havening: cross your arms with hands at shoulders and gently stroke down to elbow, repeating as needed (partners wonderfully with those deep breaths)—especially in moments of stress.
• Prioritize self-care (see above!).
• Learn to say no—your peace matters.
• Try regular relaxation exercises, meditation, and prayer.
• Move your body—exercise is a game-changer.
• Lean on social support—call a friend who lifts you up.
• Distraction (see below!).
• Ask: “What’s stressing me out about this, and what can I do to shift it?”

7. Use Distraction to Break the Cycle

Distraction is a powerful way to curb negative thoughts—but let’s be clear, it’s not about avoidance. It’s about giving yourself the ‘power of the pause’, creating some white space to breathe and reset. This pause gives your subconscious a chance to work, sorting through the noise in the background, so when you come back to the issue, you can return with more clarity. Use your five senses to pull yourself out of a distortion spiral—touch something soft, smell fresh air, taste a piece of fruit, listen to calming music, or focus on a beautiful view. This pause gives you perspective to return and ask: “Is this thought true? What’s the proof?”

8. Uncover Your Feelings

Emotional awareness is key to tackling distortions like emotional reasoning—it’s about tuning in and really understanding what’s going on inside. Ask yourself often: “What am I feeling right now? What am I feeling in this moment?” Get in the habit of checking in with yourself, because let’s be honest, we didn’t always grow up learning to connect with our feelings regularly. Tune into the physical sensations of your emotions. While the below descriptions are common sensations, emotions can show up differently for each of us, but here are some examples:

• Anger – Anger is often felt in the back between the shoulder blades and travels upward along the back and neck and around to the jaws and head. Feeling hot and flustered is a sign of anger as well as tension, pain and pressure in the back, neck, and jaw.
• Disgust – Disgust is felt primarily in the stomach, chest, and head areas of the body. Symptoms may include feeling sick or nausea and closing off your nasal passages.
• Fear – Fear is felt primarily in the top half of the body, except when it involves a fear of heights it can involve increased sensation in the legs. Symptoms may include increased heart rate, increased respiration, and sweaty palms.
• Happiness – It is one of the most easily recognizable emotions but difficult to define. It may include feelings of warmth throughout the whole body or a sense of feeling content, safe, or living the good life.
• Sadness – Sadness often begins in the chest and moves upward through the throat and up to the eyes where we may see tears.
• Surprise – Surprise is felt in the head and chest. It is experienced in response to the unexpected and may feel like a jolt.

Taking the time to name and explore your sensations helps you separate from overwhelming emotions—giving you space to gain clarity, control, and choice.

9. Sit with Difficult Emotions

Don’t run from tough emotions—they can heal you if you let them. Sit with discomfort for 90 seconds—that’s how long it takes for an emotion to rise, pass through, and fade, according to research on emotional processing. Ask: “What’s this feeling showing me—what message is it wanting to share?” As you sit and acknowledge your emotions, they release their hold, and you’ll find peace, dismantling distortions like catastrophizing or emotional reasoning

10. Practice Self-Compassion

Silence your inner critic with self-compassion. You’re human—mistakes are okay! When “shoulds” creep in, ask: “Who says I should be this way? What’s the proof?” Give yourself grace, just as God does, and watch perfectionism fade.

11. Cultivate Self-Love

Learn to love and accept yourself as you are—flaws and all. Acceptance doesn’t mean we aren’t meant to grow; it means we love ourselves while continuing to grow into who God created us to be. Ask: “What do I love about myself right now?” This counters personalization and disqualifying the positive, reminding you of your worth in God’s eyes.

12. Let Go of Control

Release the need to control what you can’t—like how others view you or your natural body shape—and accepting that change is inevitable and, depending on how we look at it, could even be enjoyable. Ask: “Can I control this? If not, what can I control?” Act on what you can, leave God to act on the rest.

13: Make Failure a Friend

Speaking of control, you cannot always control failure, but you can control what you believe about it. What if failure was a friend providing feedback? What can you learn from this friend “failure”? What can it teach you for next time? If we choose to see failures as feedback, then we can learn, grow, and try again with fresh wisdom. Even the most successful people stumble (sometimes several times) before they soar—keep going, Leading Lady style!

Print out your own copy of these practices here

Keep the Momentum Going!

Want to keep breaking free from those mental traps and step into the joy-filled life God has for you? Join my tribe! Get mindset-shifting insights delivered straight to your inbox by subscribing to my newsletter, and tune into Sharise Uncut for raw, faith-fueled conversations that’ll lift your spirit. Let’s soar together—

See you at the next stop,
Sharise
Never give in, never give up, and choose to be free!