In today’s whirlwind of busy, busy, busy, it’s tough to slow down and truly understand someone. Online friendships, texting, and emails make it harder to connect on a deeper level. But building empathy—the key to seeing and feeling someone else’s world—can transform your relationships at home, at work, and in everyday life.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is about stepping into someone’s shoes, grasping their emotions and experiences without judgment. You don’t need to live their life to get it—just practice compassion and listen with an open heart. It’s not about fixing their problems; it’s about showing you care enough to try to understand.

Why Empathy Matters

Empathy isn’t just a feel-good buzzword—it’s a game-changer. At work, it sharpens your leadership, helps you ask smarter questions, boosts teamwork, and deepens trust. At home, it strengthens bonds with family and friends, making conflicts easier to navigate. In life, it lets you connect with strangers, colleagues, even that grumpy cashier, in ways that make everyone feel seen. Ready to flex those empathy muscles? Here are some practical ways to start.

Get Curious About Strangers

Don’t shy away from chatting with the person in line or sitting across from you on the bus. With family or close friends, dare to dig deeper—ask questions that go beyond small talk. Happiness expert Martin Seligman says curiosity is a “key character strength” that expands empathy by exposing us to lives and perspectives outside our bubble.

Try this: People-watch with a curious mind—an exercise from my acting days that still sparks my empathy today, perfect for understanding people—something actors need to do to embody their characters. Next time you’re in a public place (coffee shop, park, grocery store), pick a stranger and imagine their life story. What’s their job? Married, got kids? How’re they feeling right now? Give them a name, a job, a family, a secret dream, a hidden worry. Maybe that guy in the suit—call him Tom—is a lawyer rushing to court, stressed about a big case, missing his kid’s soccer game. Or that woman with the tired eyes—let’s say Maria—is a nurse who just worked a double shift, dreaming of a vacation she can’t afford. Spend a minute or two building their world in your head, then smile at them or say hello. No judging, no need to be right—it’s about opening your heart to their humanity, seeing them as more than a face in the crowd. This little game trains you to wonder about people’s lives, making you more curious and empathetic in every interaction.

Listen Hard, Be Vulnerable

Empathy grows through real, raw connection. Have deep conversations with those closest to you—listen to their whole message, not just the words:

• Ears: What’s being said, and what’s the tone?
• Eyes: What’s their body language telling you?
• Instincts: Is something unspoken lingering?
• Heart: What do you sense they’re feeling?

We all crave three things: to be seen, to be heard, to know we matter. When you truly listen, you’re giving that gift. And don’t be afraid to share a bit of your own heart—vulnerability invites others to open up, deepening the bond.

Be Fully Present

Put the phone down—be all in when you’re with someone. Tune into non-verbal cues. Professor Albert Mehrabian found that words make up just 7% of communication; 93% comes from tone and body language. A furrowed brow, a nervous fidget, a quiet sigh—these speak louder than words. Being present shows you’re there, and that’s half the battle.

Challenge Yourself to Go Deeper

Surface chats won’t cut it for empathy. Push for deeper conversations—share a bit of your own struggles or dreams, and see if others follow. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been tough for you lately?” or “What’s something you’re really proud of?” These spark understanding of someone’s challenges or worldview.

Smile at People

Make eye contact, flash a smile—it’s contagious! Smiling releases feel-good brain chemicals, boosts health, and can flip someone’s day around. During my darkest days of depression and illness, a stranger’s smile was sometimes enough to spark hope and keep me fighting. You never know the power of that simple act.

Give Genuine Recognition

Notice people’s efforts—praise them sincerely. Find something to admire in everyone you meet, whether it’s a coworker’s hustle or a cashier’s patience. Genuine recognition makes people feel valued, building trust and connection.

Empathize with Different Beliefs

When beliefs clash, don’t argue—get curious. Say, “That’s interesting, how’d you come to that view?” or “Tell me more.” This opens dialogue without judgment, helping you understand their perspective, even if you disagree.

Play the “I Wonder” Game

Next time someone cuts you off in traffic, a clerk snaps, or your kid gets cranky, don’t bite back—play the “I Wonder” Game. Ask yourself, “I wonder what’s going on for them? I wonder why they’re acting this way?” It’s not about you—it’s about their story. This diffuses tension and builds empathy, fast.

The Man on the Train

I heard a story once about a man on a train with two young boys—rambunctious, loud, out of control. The father, lost in a daze, ignored them. A passenger, fed up, stormed over and barked, “Why don’t you control your kids?!”

The man snapped out of his fog, apologized, and called his boys close. He explained they’d just come from the hospital—his wife had died that day.

We’re All Doing Our Best

The truth? We don’t know what someone’s carrying. As spiritual beings in a messy world, we’re all just doing the best we can. Empathy reminds us to pause, to see beyond the surface, to offer grace instead of judgment.

Putting It Into Practice

Here’s how I’ve seen empathy work in real life. There was a woman at the front desk of my local gym—every morning I’d say hello, and she’d barely look up, muttering some incoherent grunt. Back in the day, I might’ve matched her rudeness, written her off as cold. But knowing now that everyone’s got their struggles—stuff we can’t see—I chose differently. Instead of shrugging her off, I kept greeting her warmly, genuinely, every morning. Took about two weeks, but she started looking up from her computer, saying “Good morning” back. Soon, she’d stand up, smile, chat a bit. Now we talk regularly, like old friends.

I’ve done the same with “grumpy” baristas at my local coffee shop—same results. It’s easy to meet rudeness with more rudeness, but I get it: we all have bad days, me included. Sometimes, one more smile, one more genuine look that says, “I see you,” can crack open a heart. That’s empathy in action—small moves, big impact.

Have Self-Empathy

Building empathy takes time—like any muscle, it grows with practice. Be patient with yourself. Apply these tips when you’re having a rough day: Don’t judge yourself. Get curious—ask, “What’s going on for me right now?” Play the “I Wonder” Game with your own heart. Listen to your feelings, give yourself grace. When you learn to have empathy for yourself, it spills over to others, making every relationship stronger.

Start Today

Empathy isn’t a talent—it’s a choice, a skill you can grow. Start small: smile at a stranger, ask a friend a deeper question, really listen. These moments build connections that make life richer—for you and everyone around you.

Want to Keep Going?

Sign up for my newsletter and tune in to my podcast, Sharise Uncut for real talk about life, health and everything in between. Want to go deeper? Learn about my coaching programs to spark joy, strength, and keep your empathy flowing strong!

To your relationships—and a more empathetic you!