Ever snapped at someone, blown your diet, or just lost it because your emotions ran the show? Yep, been there. I still cringe at some of the things I’ve said or done when my feelings got the upper hand. But here’s the good news: you can take the reins and learn to respond to life’s curveballs instead of just reacting. It’s not about stuffing your emotions—it’s about steering them like a pro.

Emotions: The Heart of Your Wellbeing

Emotions aren’t just fleeting moments—they’re key players in your mental health and happiness. They split into two camps: positive (think joy, love) that lift you up when life feels good, and negative (like anger, fear) that tag along when things seem shaky. Neither is inherently good or bad—it’s how you handle them that makes the difference. Let them run wild, and they can derail you. Manage them wisely, and they’re powerful allies.

Scientifically, emotions are your body’s response to a trigger, like a test that’s just a piece of paper but feels like a monster depending on your past. Everyone’s wired differently—what stresses one person might excite another. The trick is understanding your triggers and choosing how to respond, not just letting your gut call the shots.

The 90 Second Rule: Your Emotional Reset Button

Your emotions hit hard, but they don’t have to stick around. These initial feelings—like a surge of anger or fear—last only 90 seconds unless you feed them with your thoughts. The stories we tell ourselves about what triggered us can turn a fleeting moment into a long-lasting mood.

Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor calls this the 90 Second Rule, and here’s how she explains it:

“When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Something happens in the external world and chemicals are flushed through your body which puts it on full alert. For those chemicals to totally flush out of the body it takes less than 90 seconds. This means that for 90 seconds you can watch the process happening, you can feel it happening, and then you can watch it go away. After that, if you continue to feel fear, anger, and so on, you need to look at the thoughts that you’re thinking that are re-stimulating the circuitry that is resulting in you having this physiological response over and over again.”

Picture this: a school bell rings, and if school was tough for you—maybe as a stressed teacher or bullied kid—you might feel a 90-second rush of rage or helplessness. That’s your body’s chemical response. It fades fast unless your thoughts replay the story, like “I’m so mad because that bell reminds me of…” Break that loop, and you’re back in control.

Your Playbook: Mastering the White Space

That 90-second wave of emotion? It’s intense, but it’s not the boss of you. The goal is to use the white space—that moment between feeling and acting—to let logic step in. Here’s how to make it work:

• Pause and breathe: A deep breath buys you time to cool the jets.
• Name the feeling: Pinpoint what you’re feeling (e.g., “I’m angry because…”) and why.
• Visualize the outcome: Close your eyes and picture how you want this moment to play out.
• Ask the big question: “What do I really want here?” If you’re in a spat, is it about being right or being heard? Clarity shifts your focus.
• Choose your move: Pick an action that gets you closer to that goal, not further away.
• Walk away if needed: If the heat’s too high, step back until you can think straight.

Sounds simple, right? It’s not always easy, but practice makes that white space longer, giving you room to choose wisely instead of exploding or imploding.

To Sum It Up

A trigger hits, an emotion flares, and then you’ve got your white space of opportunity—a split-second chance to think before you act. Acting on raw emotion without logic can lead to blowups, binges, or regrets (like yelling at a loved one or raiding the fridge). The more you practice pausing, the better you get at responding, not just reacting.

How to Respond, Not React

Here’s how I coach my clients to own their emotions:

• Pause and take a breath: It’s like hitting the reset button on your brain.
• Identify the why: What’s the emotion, and what’s driving it? Name it to tame it.
• Picture your goal: Visualize how you want this to go down, calm and in control.
• Ask, “What do I want?”: Is it peace, understanding, or just to feel heard? Get clear.
• Pick the smart move: Choose an action that aligns with your real goal.
• Step away if you’re stuck: Walk it off until you can think straight, then try again.
• Remember, there’s power in the pause

Messed Up? It’s Okay

If you blow it—and trust me, we all do—make it right. Offer a heartfelt apology, figure out what you’ll do differently next time, and cut yourself some slack. This isn’t a one-and-done deal; it’s a skill you build. The more you practice, the easier it gets to stay cool when emotions hit hard.

Take the Stage with Confidence

You don’t have to let emotions run your life. With practice and intention, you can turn that 90-second wave into a moment of power, choosing responses that lift you up, not drag you down. Want to master your emotions and live with more calm and control? I’m here to help. If you’re ready to direct your emotions like a Leading Lady, check out my coaching programs and get on the launch lists.

For more No-BS talk and tips on health, life and everything in between, sign up for my newsletter and tune in to my podcast, Sharise Uncut.

To your emotional strength—and a life you steer!

~You leave the legacy you live